Reside in Right Now

Where are you right now? Literally, you are probably sitting at a desk, looking at your computer or

phone, in your home, office or a coffee shop. Even though that is where your physical body is, is the rest of you there too?

You are probably watching the clock in anticipation of your next break, lunch or the end of the work day. You may be thinking about what happened yesterday, last month or ten years ago. You might be worrying about a bill that is due, an upcoming event, or dreading something that you’ve been putting off and you’re not looking forward to doing. One thing that I can almost guarantee that very few of you are doing right now is being present.

We are often everywhere but here. The top three places that we tend to live are inside of our head, in the past or in the future.Unfortunately, spending the majority of our time in these places leads to discomfort and a lack of enjoyment which makes us miss out on the true experience and adventure that is life. I read the following quote the other day…

“When I am anxious it is because I am living in the future.When I am depressed it is because I am living in the past.” ~ Author Unknown

I know firsthand what anxiety and depression feels like and they are NOT fun feelings. So this week I encourage you to move out of those places and take residence in the present. Look around you. Take in what is there right now. If you are outside, look at the sky, the trees and the beautiful spring colors. Take a deep restorative breath. Have an actual conversation with the people around you instead of the people on Facebook,Twitter, Instagram and in your phone.

We often look to the future for our happiness and blame the past for our lack of it, but the secret is that true joy is only found in the right now.  Move in to this moment and finally find what you’ve been searching for.  Move out of the future and the past so that you can reside in right now.

Traffic Light Your Life

Today is the day to begin cleaning house.  I mean this literally and figuratively, inside and out. This is the week where we must sit down and reflect on 2011 and think about what we want 2012 to look like. What will we leave behind in 2011? What will we take into 2012? What will we do differently?  What will stay the same?  There is a reflection activity that I often use with my training participants called Red Light, Yellow Light, Green Light. Let's use this activity to help us to reflect on last year and plan for the year to come.

The red light represents things that we want to stop. What are some things that you did in 2011 that you don't want to carry into 2012? Maybe it's a bad habit or behavior...or it could be some form of inactivity perhaps when it comes to exercise, or being organized.   For me it's leading with my emotions and negative thinking. I've spent a lot of time really looking at and learning about myself this year and I've come to realize that the way that I react to things and the way that I think about things is truly the only thing that is holding me back from where I really want to be. It's not money, or time, or any of the other excuses that we often use when we talk about why we aren't where we are supposed to be in our lives. So my red light is that I plan to stop making decisions and reactions based on emotion as well as negative thinking and processing, all which ultimately lead to self-sabotage.

The yellow light represents things that you want to continue. It's all about acknowledging something that you have been doing that is working for you.  At the end of 2010 I realized that I was 32 years old with tons of great accomplishments and success, and I made good money, but I had absolutely nothing to show for it. As a result, this year I committed to financial literacy and freedom and it has completely turned my life around.  It has increased my confidence and self-esteem and it has decreased my stress. Therefore my yellow light is that I will continue my journey to financial freedom in which I have intentionally mapped out a plan for 2012 that leads to the road to being an enlightened millionaire.

The green light represents something that you want to start. This year what I want to start is quite simple. I want to start searching and saving for my dream house.  I believe that it is my destiny to be the rock of my family. I want to be the safe and neutral place where everyone can come to celebrate on holidays. So, once I get my dream house, I want to start strong traditions of love and acceptance for years to come.  Family begins with our blood relatives, but it extends to the friends in our lives who have become family as well.  So again, my green light is to start saving and searching for my dream house where I will begin strong traditions that bring peace and joy to those that I love.

What will you Stop (Red Light), Continue (Yellow Light), and Start (Green Light) in 2012? This week I challenge you to sit down and write, draw or visualize these things so that you will have a simple yet solid plan for the New Year.

Happy Holidays!

Order your autographed copy of "Monday Morning Motivation" (The Book) from www.monicamariejones.com

What Matters? Put In The Work To Make It Work

I was watching the movie Couple’s Retreat yesterday and toward the end, a line that actor Vince Vaughn said really stuck with me. He was talking to a friend that hadn’t been taking his marriage seriously when he said, “If it matters, work at it…if not, move on to something else.”

All too often we find ourselves in situations that we complain about, yet we stick around.  We are obviously sticking around for a reason.  Instead of continuing to just exist in such comfortable situations, we must ask ourselves if this job, this person, this project, or this goal really matters to us.  If it does, we must get out of our complacent state and work to make it work.  If we are not going to put in the work we must either stop complaining…or move on.

We are doing no justice to ourselves or the other people involved if we continue to stay around.  It’s kind of like that kid in the classroom, or that person in the office that has a cold. The school and the office management would rather that they just stay at home instead of spreading the germs and making everyone sick.

If you aren’t happy with a situation, you’ll ultimately exude negative energy, which is also contagious. Beyond that, it sucks the life out of people.

Today I challenge you to take inventory of your life and identify an area that you are not giving all that you know that you can.  What can you do to improve the situation?  In reflecting upon this situation, if you find that it really, truly matters to you, then put in the work to make it work, or do everyone a favor and let go and move on.  Moving on is not always a bad thing. It may be just what’s needed to liberate you and those who were affected by your actions or inaction.

My guess is that if it is a relationship with a loved one, as was the case in the movie…it probably does matter to you. So don’t take another second taking that person for granted. As soon as you’re done reading this, let them know how much they mean to you and why, and then begin devising a plan of action to put in the work to make it work.

Rehab

The word rehabilitation is often given a bad reputation in that it is associated with the process by which someone goes through detox, therapy and behavior modification to help them recover from an addiction to drugs or alcohol. Very rarely do we look at it as the positive thing that it is meant to be. If we looked at the bright side of it we would see that it is a way for people to restore and rebuild their lives.

Let's look at it in terms of real estate. When you buy an investment property it may be distressed or in need of repair. Investing in the rehabilitation that the house needs will substantially increase its value. Even something as simple as painting the walls can make the property worth more than you acquired it for thus making it more marketable and in higher demand once you present it to the world.

I want you to think of yourself or your life as that house. What projects need to be done to increase your value? What investment do you need to make in yourself to increase your worth? Perhaps you need to strengthen or reinforce your foundation by continuing your academic or financial education. Or maybe the improvements are structural in that you need to commit or re-commit to fitness. You might need new windows which represents your vision or the way that you look at things. Are you looking at life from a point of view that is broken or damaged? A new storm door represents security…do you need to work on being more secure in who you are, especially in the face of a storm or adversity.  Whether the changes are large or small they can all increase your net worth in a major way.

Today I challenge you to do your due diligence and conduct a thorough inspection of yourself.  Make a list of the projects that need attention, in order of priority, and begin your process of rehabilitation with the most pressing one.  In the end you will find yourself in a better place with more confidence and self-assurance because you put in the work needed to increase your value and your worth.

Let the rehabilitation begin!

Help IS The Way

 There’s a song that goes, “Hold on, Help is on the way!”  If you have faith, you know that this is a statement that is very true, but what we usually fail to even consider is that help IS THE WAY to speed up the process. 

We often believe that we've exhausted every option when it comes to trying to improve a situation, solve a problem, or reach a goal in our lives. There's one secret key that we always forget about.  That secret key is asking how we can be of assistance to someone else. The saying “Give to Get” doesn't just apply to money. We can give our time, wisdom, experience or advice to those in need.  And keep in mind that when I say “those in need” I don’t just mean the “needy.”  Successful people are often the one’s that need the most help and there is a lot to be learned and gained just from being in their presence.  Let's cut right to the chase and look at a few concrete examples of how helping others has a high return on the investment of your time…

Years ago I worked at an after school program where the teens would often ask about employment opportunities. I'd built a relationship with them, so they trusted me when I told them that there weren't currently any opportunities, but they should volunteer in the meantime. Sure enough, after a few months we were awarded grant money to pay teen staff and since those particular young people had been diligently volunteering, they were first in line to get hired.  How can you apply this example to your life? Are you seeking employment? You’re never too young or too old to be an intern and you can work your way up.  Most major executives started out this way.

Now let's take a look at my writing career. In college I studied elementary education and then social work. I'd never taken a writing class. But I knew that I wanted to write and publish a book...so as soon as I moved back to Detroit I immediately began volunteering for the Motown Writers Network. I basically latched myself on to the founder, Sylvia Hubbard, and volunteered to help her in any way that I could. Now over ten years and five books later, any time she comes across an awesome opportunity for a book signing, speaking engagement, publishing opportunity or whatever, guess who the first person that she calls is? So as if all of the valuable information that I’ve learned by helping her over the years wasn’t reward enough, I also get ongoing perks that continue to help me to grow my business and my brand.  If it wasn't for my giving there is NO way that I'd be as far along as I am today.  Is there an industry that you would like to learn more about?  If you volunteer for some of that industry’s major events you can forgo the registration costs but still learn all of the valuable information while you are helping.

When some people hear the concept of doing something for free it sounds foreign to them or even absurd, but what they fail to realize is that when you give, you benefit as much or more than the person that you are helping.

Think about it like this. Let’s say you charge $30 per hour for consulting and you help someone with what they are dealing with for two hours. Your profit will end at that $60 if you even get the contract. Now if you volunteer to help someone the rewards and benefits you get are often infinite.  It may lead to referrals for more contracts, paid speaking engagements, or free access to things that you might have otherwise had to pay for equaling thousands in profit or money saved.  Your helping for free just keeps on giving in ways that hold far more value than that mere $60. Now I’m not suggesting that you not know your worth and charge accordingly for it, I’m just making sure that you are aware of the powerful impact and benefit of simply offering your free gift of help.

This week I challenge you to reach out and help someone.  Simply ask, “How can I help or support you?”  Pick someone who has successfully achieved some of the goals that you hope to achieve. Think Big! Target the top 5 people that you have been watching and hoping to someday achieve what they have. I’ll be tackling this challenge by trying to meet a millionaire mentor. In the midst of my helping them, I can pick their brain to see how they got to where I want to be.   

After you’ve done all you can, try a new approach. Help IS the way.

TAG! You're It!

Think of the game called Tag that we used to play when we were children. You run for your life from the person that's “It” like getting caught by them is the worst thing in the world...the worst thing that could possibly happen.  We don’t stop to think about what happens when we get caught. The reality is that the outcome is not that bad at all.  When you get caught YOU become “It” and now you have the power.

Now think about how this parallels with our lives. We often run from our problems, namely bill collectors or facing hard choices and decisions that we must make.

Take your power back! Stop running from your fears and problems and turn around and start chasing and pursuing them. I’ve been doing this for the first half of this year and it’s not only been far less painful than I thought it would be, but it’s actually been quite liberating.  Set up payment arrangements, see if there are opportunities for settlements, talk to people about how you feel, make those hard decisions and stick to them... When you face your problems and your fears head on, they are nowhere near as frightening as they seemed when you were running and hiding.

It’s time to take responsibility for the fact that our fears are often our fault. Yes, bill collectors may be a little rude and snippy at times, but hey, they’re just doing their job.  We are the ones that did not keep our word, or pay our bill, or who bought something we knew we really couldn’t afford. 

Fear only has the power that you give it.  Just like a car, it can’t go anywhere or do anything unless you give it the fuel.  So this week I challenge you to stop running, turn around and chase your fear right back.  These days, as I work diligently to repair my credit, the bill collectors are my friends, not my enemies.  I call them regularly to see what type of deals I can work out with them and I even go as far as joking with them while I’m on the phone with them. I keep it pleasant and positive and they often have no other choice but to reciprocate those delightful behaviors.

What are you running from?  Take your power back TODAY….TAG! You’re IT!

Under Book and Over Look

Lately I’ve been exploring meditation in an attempt to quiet my ever racing mind.  I’ve also heard that prayer is you talking to God and meditation is you sitting back quietly to listen for His response.  So now, instead of rambling on my long prayers and going about my day immediately after, I’ve tacked on some meditation time at the end of each prayer to listen to what God has to say back to me.

One day last week I set aside some very intentional quiet time to really get deep into the prayer and meditation.  In so many words, the response that I got during my meditation was, “You’re doing too much.”  This made so much sense because I’ve come to realize that I tend to over book myself.  This doesn’t mean that I’m scheduling things at the same time, but I’m not really giving myself time to thoroughly breath, reflect, and rest in between appointments and engagements.

I’ve come to learn that just because a block of time is not filled on your calendar or in your day planner, it doesn’t mean that it’s really available.  I’ve had days where I schedule appointments, book signings, meetings and calls back to back to back just because the space is free on my calendar. What I don’t account for is transitions, down time, travel time and the fact that I am not a robot and that I might just get tired somewhere along the way like humans often do.

When I was given the message that I was doing too much, an example was also revealed to me.  Now that my business travel is beginning to slow up a bit, I’d decided that I was going to commit to thirty days of focus to tie up a lot of loose ends in my life.  God was like, “Why does it have to be thirty days? Why can’t you just start by committing to like two days and see how it goes?” Again, this made so much sense for me because I definitely have a tendency to make grand plans, then I find myself either overwhelmed by them or disappointed with myself because I’ve abandoned them.

Another area where I tend to “do too much” is within my thoughts. I have formed a nasty little habit of sweating the small stuff, instead of focusing on the big picture.  Sometimes we all stress ourselves out by thinking about, paying attention to and entertaining some of the most trivial things.  Let’s use a dating situation as a common example of this…

 A man and a woman are dating.  The woman spends a lot of time and energy paying attention to all of the other young ladies that are attracted to or interested in her man.  She overlooks the fact that she gets all of his time, attention and affection, and focuses on all of these women that are making comments on his Facebook page or following him on Twitter.  Instead of focusing on the positive big picture, she is zeroed in on the insignificant small picture.  My advice to here would be,” If you are the quarterback, why in the world are you worried about who’s on the bench?”

Do you see where I’m going with this?

This week I challenge you to UNDER Book yourself for a change and OVER Look the small stuff that doesn’t even matter in the larger scheme of things. As your personal guinea pig for positive change I can assure you that your life will begin to improve instantly.

Year of Repair

What is broken in your life?  Is it a relationship with a family member, friend or significant other? Is it your credit or financial situation? Is it your health? Is it your education? Is it you?  Take a quick diagnostic check or assessment of your life as it is right now and determine what is in need of repair.  If you find that there is more than one thing, prioritize them and zero in on that one thing that is at the top of the list.

This year I came to realize that the area where I was the most broken was financial literacy. And isn’t it ironic that the root word of broken is “broke”.  Being “broke” is no more than a mindset or a pattern or behavior that can indeed be broken in a positive way. 

In an attempt to fix this area with which I had always been challenged I have officially decided to declare this my “Year of Repair” with a focus on financial literacy.  Surprisingly, I have found that as I improve my financial situation through education, awareness and consistent practice of a specific set of action steps, that my self-esteem and confidence have increased and my stress level has decreased.  This has in turn freed up my time and energy to align and balance all of the other areas in my life that are in need of repair as well.

As we approach the middle of the year, now is a good time to reflect upon and reassess the goals that we set for ourselves at the beginning of the year. Many of our goals probably spoke directly to the things in our lives that are in need of repair.  I just stopped writing this to flip back in my journal to see what my goals were and I realize that I have accomplished four of the eight that I set for myself.  I also realize that half of my goals were financial.

This week I challenge you to devote some time to reflecting on where you are in your life, assessing what the challenges or broken pieces are, and beginning to plan for how you want to move forward during the second half of the year. Don’t overwhelm yourself with several projects, simply focus on one thing that you want to repair and go from there.

Here are a few tips to get you started…

1.       Don’t be afraid to ask for help. There is probably a friend or colleague right within your grasp that is strong in the area in which you are weak.

2.       Study books, magazines, or even documentaries or movies that address the area in which you broken and are striving to repair.

3.       Be honest with yourself.  A lot of times it’s hard to admit areas where we fall short of even our own expectations.  Don’t be afraid to admit your mistakes and take the first small step to changing your life for the better.

Happy Year of Repair!

Simplify Your Life to Live

“Why are you ALWAYS in such a rush?”  These words stopped me in my tracks and made me ask myself the same question. My seven year old nephew said this to me on Friday when I breezed back into town after being gone for a week and only stopped by momentarily to give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.  He had other plans. He wanted me to sit and play with him and his super hero action figures. So instead of rushing out of the door to run errands, keep appointments, and squeeze in everything that I could before leaving town again on Sunday…I sat down with him and just played.

It was interesting that he said this to me because the previous week I facilitated a training where I asked the participants to talk about their goals and two of them said that their goal was to simplify their life.  This stood out to me because usually people have complex personal or professional goals that include losing weight, starting a business, obtaining a degree or writing a book.  I realized that for me, simplifying my life might have been just as challenging as any of those other goals.

Sometimes, when we are good at something, it is our natural tendency to feel like that is what we are supposed to be doing and we pour all of our energy into it.  I’ve learned the hard way that just because you excel at something, it doesn’t mean that you are supposed to be doing that thing. 

There was a point in my life, where I gave time to everything that I was good at…acting, dancing, modeling, community work and youth work.  I figured that since all of the things that I was engaged in were positive, then there was no problem with me doing them all. What I came to realize was that stress comes in all forms, not just from negative things or when things are not going your way.  You can just as easily become stressed out from doing a whole lot of positive things. 

There have been several instances where I took something that I loved, and gave it so much of myself, that I ended up turning myself off to it altogether. I’ll give you an example.  I love to dance.  Instead of just dancing like no one was watching because it brings me joy, I ended up dancing professionally, and then teaching dance.  My joy became work, and I ended up retiring from it.  Being a dance teacher was great, but that’s not what I really wanted. I simply wanted o dance.  Even though I may have exposed my students to new and wonderful experiences, I ruined it for myself.

I realized that this is a pattern for me.  I take something that I love, and end up taking a road that I may not have been meant to take.  The problem with this is that when we overdo anything, we end up burning ourselves out. It’s just like food, if you cook it too long, or at too high of a temperature, it burns.

Essentially, it’s all about finding a balance. It’s great to give your all to what you believe in, but don’t spread yourself too thin.  I’ve always had a desire in my heart to change the world, so I tend to try to do fifty million different things to accomplish that goal.  Eventually I find myself tired and overwhelmed.  If I’m feeling that way, what good am I to the people that I hope to encourage?

My point?  Keep it simple.  At the end of the day, that’s all that matters anyway…the simple things.  If you find yourself feeling stressed and overwhelmed more than you find yourself at peace, it may be time to scale back your life.  Someone said, “Maybe you need to clear some things off of your plate.” My response was, “Maybe I need to get a smaller plate!”. 

This week I challenge you to identify one to three things that you can eliminate from your schedule that will help to simplify your life, thus reducing your stress and anxiety.  It may also be a matter of adding something to your schedule, like budgeting your money to make things flow more smoothly for you in the long run, or beginning a workout, such as cardio kickboxing, that will help you to reduce stress.

Once you’ve done this, simply sit back and savor the simple things that truly matter. Play with your children before you look up one day and realize that they are all grown up. Watch the sun rise or set. Color in a coloring book. Watch a silly movie. Read a good book. Talk to a friend on the phone about nothing of importance. Or do what seems to be the most challenging thing of all for most of us busy over achievers…simply sit down.  These are the things that make life worth living. Simplify your life and begin to live.

What Are You Chasing?

Take a moment to take an inventory of how you spend your time.  Most likely you spend some, if not the majority of your time going after something.  That thing may be money, a mate, or a goal.  Having your sights set on something to strive toward can be a great thing.  The question is, are you going after the best thing for you?

When it comes to life, love and even success, there is something about the chase that is very exciting. We like to go after what’s challenging, what we are told that we can’t have, or what may seem unattainable.  In many instances this is a good thing, but is what you are chasing, what you are supposed to have?

Are you missing something that you are supposed to get by chasing something that you are not supposed to have?

We have a tendency, often subconsciously, to try to manipulate and control our lives. We see something we want and then we create every excuse that we can as to why it is what we are supposed to have.  As a result, we often find ourselves in situations that may not be healthy for us.  So it’s important to take time to think through our decisions and our choices to make sure that in trying to pursue what we want, we are not missing out on what we are supposed to have.

This week I challenge you to analyze your current circumstance. What are you chasing?  Does it want to be caught? If you stop chasing it, will it chase you?  When it’s something that you’re supposed to have, it will most likely come when you stop looking.   Make room for your blessings by opening up your mind and your heart to receive them.  Sometimes that means just being still and waiting faithfully and patiently.  Take a break from the chase so that you can get what you are supposed to have.

Is Your Thinking Stinking?

Yesterday at church the pastor said that when you are going through hell…the only way that hell could have gotten inside of you or your home is through your mind.  His words were exactly what I needed to hear because I’d been dealing with negative thoughts all week to the point where I was losing sleep. As much as I motivate and encourage others, I was slowly being taken out by entertaining negative thinking.

It all boils down to fear and we know that fear and faith can’t co-exist.  I don’t mean to recap his whole sermon, but he was so on point that I’d be doing you an injustice if I didn’t share.  The other profound point that he made had to do with faith.  He said that there are three things that need to be in place in order for faith to be faith:   1.) Believe it 2.) Speak it. 3.) Act on it. 

Believe it

See yourself in the future. Whatever it is that you want to happen…you must believe that it will. Visualize it. Picture it. Draw it if you have to. Think of it as already being yours.

Speak It

We often underestimate the power of our words.  You will begin to see what you say so choose your words wisely and keep them positive.

Act On It

We can believe it and speak it all day, but if we don’t act on it, we might as well go right on back to living in fear or allowing hell into our home and into our mind.  Another important point that the pastor made is that sometimes the corresponding action to the faith is to “shut up and wait.”  So think about what the proper actions are that will go along with what you are believing for.

I’m usually extremely positive, but last week I was all out of character. I had to check myself.   It all came down to changing my thinking.  Now, when negative thoughts try to enter my mind, I picture myself swatting them away with a tennis racket.  That may seem silly, but hey, it works for me so I encourage you to do what works for you.

This week, I want you to check yourself to make sure that you aren’t allowing negativity, fear, self-doubt or any other stinking thinking to seep into your subconscious.  Remember, the only way that hell can enter your life is through your thoughts AND the only way that hell can exit your life…is through your thoughts.

Ask for What You're Worth

When I travel to do consulting or speaking engagements, the clients generally cover travel expenses. I am often given the option to choose my flight preferences.  For those of you that travel frequently, you know that connecting flights can be a nightmare.  If your first flight is delayed, then it may make you miss your second flight. Another headache is when you end up in airports and on planes all day because your layover in between flights is so long. Either way, it makes for a stressful and draining day of travel, which often takes away from the energy needed for the performance that you plan to give when you speak, teach or train. So needless to say, my preference is for straight flights.

As I was looking through the flights I realized that most of them had connections.  I also noticed that the ones with the layovers were considerably more affordable than the ones that were straight flights on the airline that I usually travel on so that I can accumulate frequent flier miles. 

This time I tried something a little different. Instead of feeling bad for choosing a more expensive flight, or trying to save the company money by selecting the cheapest flight, or even sending my top three choices…I simply sent my first choice and left it at that.

As I waited for the response I began searching for my second and third choice because I felt that surely they wouldn’t honor my first request.  It was too expensive. I got prepared to accept my fate of having to take a cheaper flight even though all of the departure and arrival times were either ridiculously late or painfully early. 

In the midst of my melancholy search I received a response.  It was the confirmation for my first choice flight! It was a straight flight on my airline of choice. The client booked it without a question or a concern.  They saw the value in my services thus matching the quality that they know I will deliver with the accommodations that they arranged for me.  It made me realize that ‘affordable’ and ‘expensive’ are all about perspective.  If we want something different for ourselves, we must think differently about ourselves.  If I thought of myself as priceless, then I wouldn’t have thought of that flight as being too expensive.

The lesson in all of this is two-fold.  The first is that you must know your worth.  If you expect and accept less, then that’s exactly what you will get…less than what you are worth.  Look at it like this…if someone said, “I want give you some money.”  And your response was, “You can give me $5 or $500 or $5000.”  Which one do you think they would choose?  Most people would probably go with the $5 since you gave them that option.  Don’t low ball yourself. Start high because you are worth it. If negotiations are necessary, then so be it, but don’t settle for less than what you are worth.  When you ask for less it may cause those who you are communicating with to believe that you are not qualified or confident when it comes to your ability to execute the task.

The second lesson is that you must ask for exactly what you want.  You’d be surprised at how often you actually get it.  We have not because we ask not. A more common occurrence is that we have not, because we ask for less than what we truly want or are worth.

This week I challenge you to ask for what you want.  The worst thing that can happen is that someone can tell you “no”...they can’t kill you.  If you don’t know your worth, then perhaps you should take out some time to learn about it.  Once you know your worth, adjust accordingly.

How Do You Talk About YOU?

How do you talk about you?  If you hear something so often for so long you start to believe it. Your own voice, whether it's speaking internally or out loud is the one that you hear the most. So as you clear old things out of your life and bring in new things, you may want to remodel how you speak about and to yourself.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard people say, “I feel so ugly” or “I’m fat”.  I might as well just start responding to them by saying, “You sure are,” because what we speak seeps into our subconscious and subliminally hypnotizes us into believing what we are saying, then as result we end up becoming those things…even if it is only in our own mind. No matter what others see, when we look in the mirror, we only see what we’ve spoken ourselves into being.

Even more detrimental than negative self-talk that focuses on physical appearance is when people defeat themselves before they even try by speaking negatively about their ability.

For years I taught dance to young people and I got to a point where I had to ban the words, “can’t” and “don’t” from my classroom.  I told my students that those were curse words.  They took it so seriously that when a new student came and said one of those words, or an existing student slipped up, there would be a collective “ooooooooh”. ..that sound we make when someone is about to get in trouble.

I had those children convinced that those were two more four letter words to add to the list of profanities that they weren’t supposed say.  But if you look at the term ‘curse word’ literally, it is like we are putting a curse on ourselves when we speak so negatively.   I would ask those young people, “How do you know what you can’t or don’t know how to do before you’ve even tried?”

This New Year, I challenge you to focus on changing the way that you talk to and about yourself. Out with the old negative self-talk and in with the new positive self-talk or affirmations.

“An affirmation is a positive statement of (positive) belief, and if we can become one-tenth as good at positive self-talk as we are at negative self-talk, we will notice an enormous change.” – Julia Cameron, Author of The Artist’s Way



Out With The Old...In With The New!

This is the last week of 2010.  How will you spend it?  I plan to spend the time cleaning out my space and my life to make room for the new things that I want to receive in 2011.  My issues with clutter usually have to do with my clothes and my linens.  I buy new things, but I continue to hang on to the old things even if the quality is poor, things don’t fit, I never wear or use them or if I have several of the same thing.  So what’s my attachment to these things?  Why can’t I just let go?

This practice is similar to how we live our lives. We hold on to people and things that may not necessarily serve a purpose. In essence, they are really just taking up space. It forces me to wonder, what other more useful, valuable and meaningful thing could be in that space that is already taken?

Every household should have staple items.  If we narrow it down to just looking at clothing and linens one major thing comes to mind for me in each category.  With the weather getting colder, especially here in Michigan and other places with similar climates, there are a few items that are mandatory at this time of year.  Let’s take a literal look at two items: a comforter and a pair of boots.  After we look at them literally, then we can liken them to the people and things that we choose to have in our lives.

The primary purpose of a comforter is to keep us warm, but it may also be a security blanket for many.  When we personify this, I believe that it is good for us to have one or two people that we can turn to when we feel the need to be comforted.  The problem lies in having several people that are comforters in your life. What does this say about you?  Are they enabling you? Are you dependent upon them?

Just like with real comforters, one or two good ones will do. Having many more than that means that you probably just use them for show, or they are taking up lots of extra space in your closet.  When you have too many people that are comforters, those extra ones are usually ‘yes men’ or ‘yes women’.  If someone is always agreeing with you and telling you what you want to hear, how will you ever grow?  A true friend or comforter will be caring and kind, but will also always be honest with you and have your best interest in mind.

The purpose of a good pair of boots is to protect your feet by keeping them warm and dry.  I have a pair of leather, knee high, kitten heeled boots that I absolutely adore.  They are cute, comfortable and they keep my feet warm and dry.  The problem is that I wear them so much that I’ve worn both of the heels off.  When I walk on hard surfaces it sounds like I have on tap shoes because where there should be heels on my boots, only exposed metal screws remain.

My mother HATES when I wear shoes that have gotten to that point. She’ll say, “How can I say this nicely?” Then she will pause and continue on by saying, “Don’t ever wear those boots again.”  I’m not sure how nice that delivery was, but I can understand where she is coming from.

Since boots cover and protect one of the most important parts of our body, I like to think that they represent integrity.  This analogy leads to two important questions…

“What do you stand for?”  And “What do you walk in?”  Your answers to each are unique to you, but I’ll give you my thoughts and or answers for each question. 

One of my favorite quotes says, “If you don’t’ stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.”  There are several things that I stand for and tests of my resolve constantly come my way in those areas.  Therefore it is important that I stand strong in my beliefs no matter what.  My answer to the second question is simple. I walk in faith.  If you are walking in anything else, say fear for instance, then perhaps it’s time to get a new pair of boots.

This final week of the year, I challenge you to think about what old things and people you need to let go of, and what new things and people you want to attract into your life.  Spend this week wisely; it just may set the tone for your new year.

Proceed With Confidence

It is our natural human tendency to proceed with caution.  This might be necessary when it comes to blatant safety issues such as slippery floors or poorly lit roads, but what is our excuse for proceeding cautiously when it comes to the things that will improve the quality of our lives?

What do you want or need?  Is it a new home? A better car? Employment? A mate? Now think about your approach to that thing that you hope for.  Are you aggressively and assertively preparing for and or pursuing it, or are you tip toeing around it timidly hoping that it might happen,  but secretly sabotaging yourself by not believing that you’ll ever truly get it. Or even worse, settling for less than what you really want.

Let’s combat this by changing our thinking and our language.  Instead of thinking it as simply a want or a need, think of it as something that you believe for. Once you are able to wrap your head around that, begin to visualize yourself in that desired situation.

Now that you’ve got your mind right, it’s time to take a look at how you talk.  It may simply be a matter of switching out the word “if” for the word “when”, for example, “When I get a new car, I’m going to pay for full coverage insurance six months in advance.”  Isn’t that so much more powerful than saying,  “If I get a new car I’m going to try to pay for full coverage insurance, but I might just get no fault insurance at first, because I’m broke.”  In one simple sentence, you’ve already defeated yourself before you began.

I don’t think we realize just how powerful our words are.  What is in our mind comes out of our mouth, and then goes into our ears and right back into our mind. Now if that message is filled with negativity, self-doubt and fear, then look at the sad self-induced cycle that we get caught up in.

Sometimes our hesitance to speak confidently is a result of our worries about how others view us.  Don’t be driven by what other people might think if your vision doesn’t come to pass. It’s not about them, but you never know how hearing your strong faith may encourage or inspire them, so you very well may be doing them an injustice by not believing for what you want to receive and speaking accordingly.

I’ve told my mother the things that I’m going to do for her “WHEN I become a millionaire…” so many times, that when she got her last job she told her co-worker, “I’m only working here until my daughter becomes a millionaire.”  You see, the boldness and the confidence that is infused in your words and your thoughts is contagious.  You are not only setting up your life to receive the things that you believe for, but you are simultaneously motivating other people to have that same unwavering faith. So today I encourage you to mentally and verbally claim what is yours.  Stop proceeding with caution and begin to proceed with confidence.

There is Success in Sitting Down

We are always on the go. Multi-tasking has gone from a useful skill to use every now and then, to becoming a way of life.  Before we are done with one thing, we are already on to another.    Well, I’m sure that we’ve all encountered a situation that has proven to us that sometimes life has a way of sitting us right on down.

After graduate school I struggled to find full time employment despite my experience and qualifications.  Against my will, it was the first time that I had literary and figuratively been forced to sit down in years.  It was at that time that I wrote my first book.

You may have lost something dear to you such as a job, your health, an opportunity, or even a loved one.  It knocked you right off of your feet and left you asking, “Why me?”  Instead of focusing on what went wrong, clear your head and allow for the space and room in your mind and heart that is necessary to receive the gift that is to come out of the sit down situation.

At the last Essence of Motown Literary Jam and Conference hosted by the Motown Writers Network I had the pleasure of hearing bestselling author, Relentless Aaron, give the key note address.  He shared how he had been sent to prison for seven years. Most people would have looked at that as the end, but he treated it as a new beginning and during his time of ‘sitting down’, he wrote thirty books.  When he was released, he was offered his first of many opportunities…a fourteen book deal for a quarter of a million dollars.

It’s all about how we look at things.  Let me use an activity that we do in one of the trainings that I facilitate to drive my point home.  I’m going to list a phrase below and I want you to say that first thing that comes to mind based on what you see…

OPPORTUNITYISNOWHERE

What did you see, honestly?  The first thing that many people tend to blurt out is “Opportunity is nowhere.” But if we simply change our perspective ever so slightly we will see, “Opportunity is NOW  HERE.”

In essence, it’s important that we don’t look at setbacks that sit us down as the end. These situations may very well  have happened for the specific reason of catapulting us farther than we have ever been before.  So the next time life sits you down, embrace it and explore the possibilities that you might not otherwise have considered if you were still on the go.   There is success in sitting down.



A New Day

Recently I was talking to a friend and fellow motivator who shared how at his job Monday morning is the absolute worst time of the week due to the fact that everyone is upset and depressed because they don’t want to be there.  As positive as he is, one can’t help but be affected by such negative energy as it is contagious.  Finally he told me that when my Monday Morning Motivation message pops up in his inbox, it ends up turning his whole day around.

When I decided to do these messages I never could have imagined the impact that they would make. More than one person has told me how research shows that suicide occurs more often on Mondays than any other day of the week because of that sense of dread and depression that is often referred to as the “Monday Morning Blues.”

I look at Monday in an entirely different way.  I truly believe that our health, wealth and how we feel about our self depends heavily upon how we perceive things. For example, when I hear the term, Monday Morning Blues, I think of how beautiful a blue sky is or that blue is my favorite color as opposed to the negative connotation that the word blue usually holds.  Instead of looking at Monday in a dreadful way, I look at it as a new day and an opportunity for a new beginning that is a gift which we are given each week.

I remember when I was a child, I wanted to ask my mother for something, I can’t recall what it was, but I prefaced it with, “Mom, when it’s 1984 again can I….”  She laughed and let me know that years don’t come back around like months and days do.

Every day is a new day and an opportunity to start all over again, but I feel that Monday is the most powerful because it is the beginning.

How often do we think or say that we wish we had the opportunity to do something all over again? Monday gives us that.  Today I challenge you to think about ways to make the most of Mondays.  I’ll start you off with a few, but the rest is up to you…

• Re-commit to a life-style change. - Notice that I didn’t say diet.  Focus on fitness in a way that is manageable and realistic enough for you to maintain for life.
• Do something differently than you did last week. - Use the weekend as a time of reflection on issues that came up throughout the week then use Monday as a day to learn from your mistakes by leaving them behind and moving forward with new goals and action steps.
• Begin the journey of letting something go that is not good for you.- Perhaps you want to quit smoking or give up sweets. Monday is a great day to begin and even if you slip up during the week, that’s OK because another Monday is on the way for you to give it another try.

So let’s make this Monday a new day and if you find yourself getting off track as the week progresses just remember…another Monday is only 7 days away.

Pyramid of Purpose

I love supporting entrepreneurs, but to be completely honest I’ve always been slightly irritated with the pyramid scheme business model.  To my understanding, the basic premise is that the CEO sits at the top and makes all of his/her money by getting people to sign on under them.  Those people make their money by getting even more people to sign up as well.  I’m sure this method works for many, but I’ve never been impressed.

So you can imagine my surprise when someone said that my business of motivating reminded them of a pyramid scheme business model. They pointed out a specific example of how I motivated one person who then went on to motivate another person.  In essence, they believe that I have a group of people that I motivate, who then go on to motivate others, and so on. I’d never looked at it that way, but once I was forced to, it didn’t seem quite as bad.

In my early years as an educator and social worker, my goal was to save the world.  I quickly realized that this was an unrealistic goal.  So I took a step back because I found myself getting far too emotionally attached to and involved in the lives of the children and families that I served.    Many nights I’d cry myself to sleep at the mere thought of some of the things that my students had to deal with.

In my mind, saving the world may be unrealistic, but it’s not impossible.  I had to re-evaluate how I could accomplish this without expending so much emotional energy and ultimately burning myself out. This is what brought me to being an author and a “Motivator.” (I think that might be my new title now since that’s what they called Iyanla Vanzant when they honored her on the Black Girls Rock special on BET.)

When you share your gift with the world, you have no idea how far the reach and how powerful the impact can be.  Think of yourself as the CEO at the top of your own pyramid of purpose.  Whether your audience is your family, your co-workers, your clients, or the masses like me, know that you are making an impact that reaches farther than you can see.  With this being the case we must operate with integrity, because when you are a person of influence, negativity spreads even more rapidly.

This week, I challenge you to ask yourself a couple of important questions…

“What am I passing down from the peak of my pyramid?”

“Are people genuinely benefiting from what I am offering, or is it ultimately all about me?”

As you answer these questions and begin to pass on positivity, keep in mind that a pyramid is nothing without its base or foundation and that the foundation must be strong in order to get to the top.

B Day

On November 1st, 32 years ago, at Cook County Lying -In Hospital in Chicago, at 1:44 am, I was born to write these Monday Morning Motivational messages for you. 

Birthdays are so much more than just a day to celebrate with gifts and loved ones.  Birthdays are our own personal New Year's Day.  It's a day to reflect and refresh.  A time to think about where we've been and where we want to go. Within that context, I've decided to declare today my B Day, with the letter b standing for far more than just the word birthday.  I want to share this day with you by breaking down a few things that I want to focus on for my personal new year as I am sure that you will be able to benefit from focusing on these things too...

"B" stand for...

Balance.

Having an even work-life balance is key for mental and physical health.  You may have heard the term, "Work hard, play hard."  This is one mantra that I make sure to adhere too.  Often times we spend far too much energy on one side of the spectrum or the other.  As a result, other things in our life begin to fall out of balance too.  I remember hearing someone speak about how a very prominent Pastor schedules his vacation and locks the date in before he schedules any speaking engagements or anything else at the beginning of the year. This is something that we should all do.  Don't make play an after thought. Play is an equally important part of the human experience.  Making time to play will rejuvenate you and give you the motivation that you need to give it your all when you get back down to business.

Boldness.

One of my new phrases that I like to say is, "Confidence is the new black."  When you wear it, it's a really good look.  Confidence is not something that you can literally wear externally. You put it on on the inside and it's so powerful that it shines right through you and surrounds you with an amazing aura wherever you go.  That state of confidence then translates into the action and attitude of boldness.  We need to stop walking around here acting like we don't know that we deserve the best in life.  With that being the case, we need to know what it is that we want, then not be afraid to ask for it.  We need to open our mouths, speak up, and be more assertive. Everything we've ever wanted, is already ours, it just needs to be taken.  But to get it, we must be bold.

Boundaries.

When we don't set boundaries, other will set them for us, and I can guarantee that the one's that others set will not be in our best interest.  We need to begin to set healthy boundaries when it comes to work, family and friends.  If we continue to over extend ourselves we will be of no good to anyone and we will be particularly harmful to ourselves. A few years back I wrote a blog in January called, "Happy NO Year" because the best way to begin to set boundaries is by learning to say "No." Even beyond that, we must realize that when we say "No" that we don't have to follow it with an explanation.  Simply saying "No" is enough. 

Today I challenge you to live a balanced life boldly within healthy boundaries.  Happy B Day!!!

Harvest Time!

Many seeds are edible. Therefore they serve a dual purpose.  They can be eaten and they can be planted.  If we eat them they give us satisfaction for a moment, some nourishment, and a limited supply of energy.  If we plant or sow them, they will multiply and reap an abundant harvest. 

Now think about the seeds that are in your life.  What do you do with them?  Are you looking for a quick fix or long term benefit? 

Photo by Nicole Ashley Allen

The seeds in our lives are our money, time, talents, and energy.  Figuratively eating those seeds translates to things like get rich quick schemes, rapid weight loss, and other means of instant gratification.  We don’t want to wait. We want it all now.  What we fail to realize is that by indulging in the small pleasure now, we are actually taking a huge loss in the long run.

Imagine how much more we could have if we planted those seeds. Imagine how infinite the possibilities would be if we invested our money, time, energy and talents into things that would cause them to grow and flourish as opposed to dead end situations, things and people that reap no harvest.

Here is an example of eating the seed versus planting the seed that I want you to consider.  Think about which side of the spectrum you are currently operating in, and then think about where you want to be…

You spent $500 in a weekend on an outfit, some shoes, eating out at restaurants, buying drinks, paying cover charges, and parking fees.  You looked good, had a funky good time, ate well, and drank well.  The next morning you have a headache, perhaps a temporary one from a hangover, or maybe the start of a lingering one from a consequence that was a result of your actions. The fun is over.  You ate the seed.

You invested $500 in real estate by placing a bid, or going in with a partner to acquire a low cost property in your city.  Once you own the property, you rehabilitate it, and sell it for three times more than what you invested, which is still be affordable.  Now you have simultaneously improved your community, created an opportunity for a family to be home owners and made a profit that you can now invest into something else.  You planted the seed.

Eating the seed is easy because we believe that it’s safe, secure and it feels good right now.  Planting the seed is scary because it feels like a risk.  Like faith, once we plant that seed, it becomes something that we cannot see immediately.  But just because we can’t see it, does that mean that it’s not there?  Taking the planting route may be difficult at times.  Things may occur in the process that knock us down or beat us down to the ground, but remember, it is from the ground where all things grow and there is nowhere to go from there but up.

Before this year comes to an end, I challenge you to plant a seed that you might have otherwise eaten.  If you want the harvest, you must sow the seed.