Rehab

The word rehabilitation is often given a bad reputation in that it is associated with the process by which someone goes through detox, therapy and behavior modification to help them recover from an addiction to drugs or alcohol. Very rarely do we look at it as the positive thing that it is meant to be. If we looked at the bright side of it we would see that it is a way for people to restore and rebuild their lives.

Let's look at it in terms of real estate. When you buy an investment property it may be distressed or in need of repair. Investing in the rehabilitation that the house needs will substantially increase its value. Even something as simple as painting the walls can make the property worth more than you acquired it for thus making it more marketable and in higher demand once you present it to the world.

I want you to think of yourself or your life as that house. What projects need to be done to increase your value? What investment do you need to make in yourself to increase your worth? Perhaps you need to strengthen or reinforce your foundation by continuing your academic or financial education. Or maybe the improvements are structural in that you need to commit or re-commit to fitness. You might need new windows which represents your vision or the way that you look at things. Are you looking at life from a point of view that is broken or damaged? A new storm door represents security…do you need to work on being more secure in who you are, especially in the face of a storm or adversity.  Whether the changes are large or small they can all increase your net worth in a major way.

Today I challenge you to do your due diligence and conduct a thorough inspection of yourself.  Make a list of the projects that need attention, in order of priority, and begin your process of rehabilitation with the most pressing one.  In the end you will find yourself in a better place with more confidence and self-assurance because you put in the work needed to increase your value and your worth.

Let the rehabilitation begin!

Proceed With Confidence

It is our natural human tendency to proceed with caution.  This might be necessary when it comes to blatant safety issues such as slippery floors or poorly lit roads, but what is our excuse for proceeding cautiously when it comes to the things that will improve the quality of our lives?

What do you want or need?  Is it a new home? A better car? Employment? A mate? Now think about your approach to that thing that you hope for.  Are you aggressively and assertively preparing for and or pursuing it, or are you tip toeing around it timidly hoping that it might happen,  but secretly sabotaging yourself by not believing that you’ll ever truly get it. Or even worse, settling for less than what you really want.

Let’s combat this by changing our thinking and our language.  Instead of thinking it as simply a want or a need, think of it as something that you believe for. Once you are able to wrap your head around that, begin to visualize yourself in that desired situation.

Now that you’ve got your mind right, it’s time to take a look at how you talk.  It may simply be a matter of switching out the word “if” for the word “when”, for example, “When I get a new car, I’m going to pay for full coverage insurance six months in advance.”  Isn’t that so much more powerful than saying,  “If I get a new car I’m going to try to pay for full coverage insurance, but I might just get no fault insurance at first, because I’m broke.”  In one simple sentence, you’ve already defeated yourself before you began.

I don’t think we realize just how powerful our words are.  What is in our mind comes out of our mouth, and then goes into our ears and right back into our mind. Now if that message is filled with negativity, self-doubt and fear, then look at the sad self-induced cycle that we get caught up in.

Sometimes our hesitance to speak confidently is a result of our worries about how others view us.  Don’t be driven by what other people might think if your vision doesn’t come to pass. It’s not about them, but you never know how hearing your strong faith may encourage or inspire them, so you very well may be doing them an injustice by not believing for what you want to receive and speaking accordingly.

I’ve told my mother the things that I’m going to do for her “WHEN I become a millionaire…” so many times, that when she got her last job she told her co-worker, “I’m only working here until my daughter becomes a millionaire.”  You see, the boldness and the confidence that is infused in your words and your thoughts is contagious.  You are not only setting up your life to receive the things that you believe for, but you are simultaneously motivating other people to have that same unwavering faith. So today I encourage you to mentally and verbally claim what is yours.  Stop proceeding with caution and begin to proceed with confidence.

B Day

On November 1st, 32 years ago, at Cook County Lying -In Hospital in Chicago, at 1:44 am, I was born to write these Monday Morning Motivational messages for you. 

Birthdays are so much more than just a day to celebrate with gifts and loved ones.  Birthdays are our own personal New Year's Day.  It's a day to reflect and refresh.  A time to think about where we've been and where we want to go. Within that context, I've decided to declare today my B Day, with the letter b standing for far more than just the word birthday.  I want to share this day with you by breaking down a few things that I want to focus on for my personal new year as I am sure that you will be able to benefit from focusing on these things too...

"B" stand for...

Balance.

Having an even work-life balance is key for mental and physical health.  You may have heard the term, "Work hard, play hard."  This is one mantra that I make sure to adhere too.  Often times we spend far too much energy on one side of the spectrum or the other.  As a result, other things in our life begin to fall out of balance too.  I remember hearing someone speak about how a very prominent Pastor schedules his vacation and locks the date in before he schedules any speaking engagements or anything else at the beginning of the year. This is something that we should all do.  Don't make play an after thought. Play is an equally important part of the human experience.  Making time to play will rejuvenate you and give you the motivation that you need to give it your all when you get back down to business.

Boldness.

One of my new phrases that I like to say is, "Confidence is the new black."  When you wear it, it's a really good look.  Confidence is not something that you can literally wear externally. You put it on on the inside and it's so powerful that it shines right through you and surrounds you with an amazing aura wherever you go.  That state of confidence then translates into the action and attitude of boldness.  We need to stop walking around here acting like we don't know that we deserve the best in life.  With that being the case, we need to know what it is that we want, then not be afraid to ask for it.  We need to open our mouths, speak up, and be more assertive. Everything we've ever wanted, is already ours, it just needs to be taken.  But to get it, we must be bold.

Boundaries.

When we don't set boundaries, other will set them for us, and I can guarantee that the one's that others set will not be in our best interest.  We need to begin to set healthy boundaries when it comes to work, family and friends.  If we continue to over extend ourselves we will be of no good to anyone and we will be particularly harmful to ourselves. A few years back I wrote a blog in January called, "Happy NO Year" because the best way to begin to set boundaries is by learning to say "No." Even beyond that, we must realize that when we say "No" that we don't have to follow it with an explanation.  Simply saying "No" is enough. 

Today I challenge you to live a balanced life boldly within healthy boundaries.  Happy B Day!!!

Get Out of Your Own Way

Take a moment to envision where you want to be in life.  Where do you want to live?  What do you want to look like? How do you want to feel emotionally?  What kind of car do you want to drive? How much money do you want to make?  What do you want the state of your business to be? What do you want for your family?

Now, think about the thing or things that are holding you back from where we want to be.  If we are completely honest with ourselves we will admit that our largest obstacle is often the person that we look at in the mirror every day.

There are several ways that we get in our own way.  The most obvious is not believing in our own abilities thus allowing fear, doubt, negative self-talk and procrastination dictate our futures.  If we do that, we know it…but I want to call out some of the other hidden and sometimes subconscious things that we do to sabotage ourselves.

1.    Burning the Candle at Both Ends and In the Middle!

When you have a vision or a goal that you’ve set for yourself, it’s a natural tendency for those that are driven to want to grind and give it all we’ve got.  The problem is that sometimes we go so far as to give it what we don’t have as well. 

I remember the first and only time that I ever ran out of gas in my car.  I was ripping and running all day, and I actually had the money.  I was just so busy pushing my agenda to the limit that I never set aside the few moments that it would take to refuel.  So as a result, there I was, in the middle of the freeway, at midnight, out of gas.  So now, not only was I held back, I was brought to a screeching halt.  I went from doing too much to not being able to do anything at all.

There are two things to keep in mind if this sounds like you.  First of all, you won’t be good to anyone or anything if you are burnt out mentally, physically and emotionally.  That purpose or calling that has been placed on your life will be placed on hold and you will be placed on a stretcher or a hospital bed.  And finally….challenge God and allow him the opportunity to show you all that He can do for you.   Trust that He’s right there next to you on the battle field of life.  Faith takes work, but even God rested.

2.    Spending Time Talking About What You Can’t Do and Doing What You Don’t Want to Do.

I went to see author, ReShonda Tate Billingsley speak the other day, and one of the many things that she said that stood out to me was, “Every minute spent talking about what you can’t do is a minute that could be spent doing it.” This rings so true! We spend SO much time talking about what we can’t do and why we can’t do it.  Those minutes, hours, days and weeks could be spent taking action on the plan that is burning inside of us. 

On the same note, we often spend just as much time doing things that we know we don’t want to do.  Perhaps it’s that job that you hate and you know that deep down in your heart, if you step out on faith and leave it, God will have something even greater waiting for you.  Maybe it’s all of those things that you do to help others reach their goals and realize their dreams…which is great…but what about you?

Start thinking of your moments as money in a bank account that will disappear if you don’t spend it or invest it. Think of every hour as one million dollars.  You get the same amount each day, Twenty-four million dollars, and how you use it is up to you.   Will you use it wisely?  Will you waste it?  Or will you go too hard with it and fall into burning that candle at both ends and in the middle?

There are several other factors that contribute to you getting in your own way of that future that you want including the company that you keep, your willingness to give, how you manage what you are given and so on.  I just wanted to give you the two above to ponder and digest.  If they hit home for you take a step or two TODAY to make shift in a different direction.  Take a path that is clear of obstacles.  Get out of your own way!

Walk Away The Weight

“How is it that Monica does all of that kick boxing, and she’s still FAT?” Ouch. Yes, someone actually said that about me just last week. Instead of crawling into a dark corner and crying my eyes out, I took that statement as motivation to recommit to living a healthy lifestyle.

I’ve never stopped working out, but other circumstances in my life have caused increased stress and anxiety which lead to behaviors such as emotional eating. Stress also causes some to hold onto and ultimately gain weight. Another factor that contributes to my lack of weight loss is that when we continue to do the same type of exercise our body reaches a plateau and needs to be shocked by doing something different.

I took all of these things into consideration and used them as a catalyst to launch my Walk Away the Weight program. So often we get fixated on physical weight loss. Maintaining a healthy weight is important to ward off illnesses such as high blood pressure, hypertension and diabetes, but very rarely are the prevention of those diseases our motivation. The bottom line is that we usually want to lose weight to look good.

What we fail to realize is that a huge part of gaining and losing weight is psychological. Hence, my Walk Away the Weight program is twofold. The obvious side of it is that I am walking for physical health and to meet my weight loss goals. The not so apparent side is that I use walking as a way to clear my mind and heart thus lifting the mental and emotional weight that I often carry around with me daily.
When I walk, I take deep restorative breaths. Think about your day. How often to you stop to take a deep breath, honestly? Sadly you probably cannot think of one time and you find yourself taking that first deep breath of the day as you read this.

Based on my research I’ve also learned that exercise and sunlight are two ways to holistically treat depression so it serves that purpose for me as well….because believe it or not, Little Miss Sunshine, as some of you may view me, was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder just one year ago.

I am revealing this because too often we fall prey to the fear of the stigma that surrounds mental health in the African American community. By speaking out, perhaps I can help someone else by letting them know that they are not alone, and that recovery is possible. I also want to encourage those who feel that something just isn’t quite right, to seek help...even if that means taking a free diagnostic test online to see if you are suffering from the symptoms of depression.

I walk for an hour each day at a local track or park. While I am walking I think, pray and meditate which often leads to fresh ideas and a new outlook on my life.
Walking Away the Weight has given me a release and a peace beyond all understanding. I encourage you to develop a program that works for you. Just be sure to consider how you can incorporate all aspects of a healthy lifestyle which include physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, and nutrition.