Under Book and Over Look

Lately I’ve been exploring meditation in an attempt to quiet my ever racing mind.  I’ve also heard that prayer is you talking to God and meditation is you sitting back quietly to listen for His response.  So now, instead of rambling on my long prayers and going about my day immediately after, I’ve tacked on some meditation time at the end of each prayer to listen to what God has to say back to me.

One day last week I set aside some very intentional quiet time to really get deep into the prayer and meditation.  In so many words, the response that I got during my meditation was, “You’re doing too much.”  This made so much sense because I’ve come to realize that I tend to over book myself.  This doesn’t mean that I’m scheduling things at the same time, but I’m not really giving myself time to thoroughly breath, reflect, and rest in between appointments and engagements.

I’ve come to learn that just because a block of time is not filled on your calendar or in your day planner, it doesn’t mean that it’s really available.  I’ve had days where I schedule appointments, book signings, meetings and calls back to back to back just because the space is free on my calendar. What I don’t account for is transitions, down time, travel time and the fact that I am not a robot and that I might just get tired somewhere along the way like humans often do.

When I was given the message that I was doing too much, an example was also revealed to me.  Now that my business travel is beginning to slow up a bit, I’d decided that I was going to commit to thirty days of focus to tie up a lot of loose ends in my life.  God was like, “Why does it have to be thirty days? Why can’t you just start by committing to like two days and see how it goes?” Again, this made so much sense for me because I definitely have a tendency to make grand plans, then I find myself either overwhelmed by them or disappointed with myself because I’ve abandoned them.

Another area where I tend to “do too much” is within my thoughts. I have formed a nasty little habit of sweating the small stuff, instead of focusing on the big picture.  Sometimes we all stress ourselves out by thinking about, paying attention to and entertaining some of the most trivial things.  Let’s use a dating situation as a common example of this…

 A man and a woman are dating.  The woman spends a lot of time and energy paying attention to all of the other young ladies that are attracted to or interested in her man.  She overlooks the fact that she gets all of his time, attention and affection, and focuses on all of these women that are making comments on his Facebook page or following him on Twitter.  Instead of focusing on the positive big picture, she is zeroed in on the insignificant small picture.  My advice to here would be,” If you are the quarterback, why in the world are you worried about who’s on the bench?”

Do you see where I’m going with this?

This week I challenge you to UNDER Book yourself for a change and OVER Look the small stuff that doesn’t even matter in the larger scheme of things. As your personal guinea pig for positive change I can assure you that your life will begin to improve instantly.

Get Your Life In Order

I’ve come to know that the state of my physical space is often a pretty accurate representation of my mental and or emotional state. If my car and my loft are junky, then so is my mind. When I’m off balance, overwhelmed, stressed, or just trying to do too much, all of the things around me become a clear sign that it’s time to slow down and pull things back together.  I usually don’t stop to “clean up” until things slow down naturally, but yesterday I began to think...What if we can reverse the effects by flipping the process?

It all boils down to being proactive. What if I began by stopping to take time up front to clean and organize my life?  Would that then lend itself to a more clear and organized mind and emotional state?

I decided that I’d give that a try this week. So last night I cleaned up my loft and created a few posters to guide me through the week, the month, and the rest of the year.  Take a moment to think about this…What are some practices that we could put in to place to make our lives run more smoothly?  Here are a few of my suggestions…

Finances: Create a poster of monthly expenses, (also list due dates and amounts) post them on the wall where you have to look at them every day, and cross them off as you pay them off. 

Long Term Planning: Create a poster that is a grid of the next six months with blank columns under each month.  Write major goals out individually on Post It (sticky) notes.  Place the goals in the columns under the months in which you hope to accomplish the goals.  If life happens and you don’t meet one by the due date that you’d planned for, simply move it over to the next month.

Daily Duties: Create a poster similar to the Long Term Planning Poster described above.  Instead of months as the column titles, list important components of your life.  For me that includes the names of the different companies that I run or consult for, shopping, friends, family and personal.  List what needs to be done under each category and cross them off as you accomplish them.

These visual representations of the things that need to be organized and maintained in your life help to keep you on track. Being able to cross them off and see that they have been taken care of gives you a real sense of accomplishment and progress.

You may not adapt any of these techniques, and I don’t encourage you to if you feel that they won’t work for you.  BUT this week I will challenge you to come up with one process that will help you to get your life in order, thus improving your mental health and productivity.  Engineer yourself for success by beginning with something small and manageable that you know you will stick to.  Once you put your new practice into place, sit back and watch how much more smoothly your life will run.

Year of Repair

What is broken in your life?  Is it a relationship with a family member, friend or significant other? Is it your credit or financial situation? Is it your health? Is it your education? Is it you?  Take a quick diagnostic check or assessment of your life as it is right now and determine what is in need of repair.  If you find that there is more than one thing, prioritize them and zero in on that one thing that is at the top of the list.

This year I came to realize that the area where I was the most broken was financial literacy. And isn’t it ironic that the root word of broken is “broke”.  Being “broke” is no more than a mindset or a pattern or behavior that can indeed be broken in a positive way. 

In an attempt to fix this area with which I had always been challenged I have officially decided to declare this my “Year of Repair” with a focus on financial literacy.  Surprisingly, I have found that as I improve my financial situation through education, awareness and consistent practice of a specific set of action steps, that my self-esteem and confidence have increased and my stress level has decreased.  This has in turn freed up my time and energy to align and balance all of the other areas in my life that are in need of repair as well.

As we approach the middle of the year, now is a good time to reflect upon and reassess the goals that we set for ourselves at the beginning of the year. Many of our goals probably spoke directly to the things in our lives that are in need of repair.  I just stopped writing this to flip back in my journal to see what my goals were and I realize that I have accomplished four of the eight that I set for myself.  I also realize that half of my goals were financial.

This week I challenge you to devote some time to reflecting on where you are in your life, assessing what the challenges or broken pieces are, and beginning to plan for how you want to move forward during the second half of the year. Don’t overwhelm yourself with several projects, simply focus on one thing that you want to repair and go from there.

Here are a few tips to get you started…

1.       Don’t be afraid to ask for help. There is probably a friend or colleague right within your grasp that is strong in the area in which you are weak.

2.       Study books, magazines, or even documentaries or movies that address the area in which you broken and are striving to repair.

3.       Be honest with yourself.  A lot of times it’s hard to admit areas where we fall short of even our own expectations.  Don’t be afraid to admit your mistakes and take the first small step to changing your life for the better.

Happy Year of Repair!

Simplify Your Life to Live

“Why are you ALWAYS in such a rush?”  These words stopped me in my tracks and made me ask myself the same question. My seven year old nephew said this to me on Friday when I breezed back into town after being gone for a week and only stopped by momentarily to give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.  He had other plans. He wanted me to sit and play with him and his super hero action figures. So instead of rushing out of the door to run errands, keep appointments, and squeeze in everything that I could before leaving town again on Sunday…I sat down with him and just played.

It was interesting that he said this to me because the previous week I facilitated a training where I asked the participants to talk about their goals and two of them said that their goal was to simplify their life.  This stood out to me because usually people have complex personal or professional goals that include losing weight, starting a business, obtaining a degree or writing a book.  I realized that for me, simplifying my life might have been just as challenging as any of those other goals.

Sometimes, when we are good at something, it is our natural tendency to feel like that is what we are supposed to be doing and we pour all of our energy into it.  I’ve learned the hard way that just because you excel at something, it doesn’t mean that you are supposed to be doing that thing. 

There was a point in my life, where I gave time to everything that I was good at…acting, dancing, modeling, community work and youth work.  I figured that since all of the things that I was engaged in were positive, then there was no problem with me doing them all. What I came to realize was that stress comes in all forms, not just from negative things or when things are not going your way.  You can just as easily become stressed out from doing a whole lot of positive things. 

There have been several instances where I took something that I loved, and gave it so much of myself, that I ended up turning myself off to it altogether. I’ll give you an example.  I love to dance.  Instead of just dancing like no one was watching because it brings me joy, I ended up dancing professionally, and then teaching dance.  My joy became work, and I ended up retiring from it.  Being a dance teacher was great, but that’s not what I really wanted. I simply wanted o dance.  Even though I may have exposed my students to new and wonderful experiences, I ruined it for myself.

I realized that this is a pattern for me.  I take something that I love, and end up taking a road that I may not have been meant to take.  The problem with this is that when we overdo anything, we end up burning ourselves out. It’s just like food, if you cook it too long, or at too high of a temperature, it burns.

Essentially, it’s all about finding a balance. It’s great to give your all to what you believe in, but don’t spread yourself too thin.  I’ve always had a desire in my heart to change the world, so I tend to try to do fifty million different things to accomplish that goal.  Eventually I find myself tired and overwhelmed.  If I’m feeling that way, what good am I to the people that I hope to encourage?

My point?  Keep it simple.  At the end of the day, that’s all that matters anyway…the simple things.  If you find yourself feeling stressed and overwhelmed more than you find yourself at peace, it may be time to scale back your life.  Someone said, “Maybe you need to clear some things off of your plate.” My response was, “Maybe I need to get a smaller plate!”. 

This week I challenge you to identify one to three things that you can eliminate from your schedule that will help to simplify your life, thus reducing your stress and anxiety.  It may also be a matter of adding something to your schedule, like budgeting your money to make things flow more smoothly for you in the long run, or beginning a workout, such as cardio kickboxing, that will help you to reduce stress.

Once you’ve done this, simply sit back and savor the simple things that truly matter. Play with your children before you look up one day and realize that they are all grown up. Watch the sun rise or set. Color in a coloring book. Watch a silly movie. Read a good book. Talk to a friend on the phone about nothing of importance. Or do what seems to be the most challenging thing of all for most of us busy over achievers…simply sit down.  These are the things that make life worth living. Simplify your life and begin to live.

Where is Your Focus?

Motivational speakers, teachers, business professionals and the like spend a lot of time talking about how important it is to focus. This is true, however, more time might need to be spent talking about what we are focusing on. It is implied that we focus on the positive, but perhaps it needs to be more clearly stated. We have a natural tendency to shift most or all of our focus to negative things such as what we don't have or what is wrong in our lives.

We always talk about how we can't wait to get more money, a better job, a bigger house and so on, but once we get those things are we truly happy with them?

I had to catch myself recently. I am living my dream life right now, but every now and then I find myself slipping into focusing on the negative side of things. I was talking with a friend about how I struggle with anxiety when I travel because I miss my family and friends and I feel like I'm missing out on something back at home. My friend had to snap me back to reality by saying, "You have a life that most people only dream of. Why are you complaining?" I had to stop and say, "You know what, you're right!"  I had to place my focus on the fact that I love what I do, my work affords me the opportunity to travel all over the world as a result I am able to live comfortably and help my loved ones.

This week I encourage you to examine subject of your focus.  You might be a very focused person but, the question is, “Are you focusing on the right things?” Shift your focus from what is wrong and lacking in your life to more positive matters such as the things that are going well and your vision for personal and professional growth.

Take A Chance On Life

Sometimes we get so caught up in what we don’t want to happen that we forget to accept and embrace what we do want.  This usually happens in two major areas, our work and our love life.

Let’s take a look at our work first.  We may be at a job that makes us completely miserable, but we find every excuse under the sun as to why we can’t leave, when just the fact of being miserable alone is reason enough.  The main thing we say is that we don’t want to lose the benefits. What will we do if we get sick? What will we do if we get in a car accident?   Well the first thing that I learned about working in a toxic environment is that I never got sick until I started working there, so yes, if you continue to work in an unhealthy environment, you just may need to go to the doctor.  I also learned that in a lot of cases, benefits were not the magic answer.  I learned that the hard way when my benefits didn’t cover the services that the dentist convinced me needed to be done before I could get a basic check-up and cleaning.  As for the car accident, God forbid, if you even have to get treated, then you’ll just have to pay off your bill in installments, just like you do many other bills that aren’t covered by your health benefits.

Sometimes when we hold on to something like a miserable job, we don’t allow room for the new amazing job, investment opportunity, or new business venture to come into our lives.  We are so fixated on our circumstance that we can’t see the other awesome possibilities that are all around us.   I took on a mantra a couple of years ago and I constantly have to remind mind myself…”Stop complaining and do something about it.  If you’re not going to do anything to make the situation better, then shut up!”

The same is often the case with love. We say we want this wonderful, honest, good looking, and hardworking mate but when we meet that person, we are suddenly scared.  We are scared to be hurt or disappointed or we begin to feel like it must be too good to be true.  Don’t you know that you will get what you ask for if you believe that you will receive it?  But keep in mind that that goes both ways.  You may be with that person now, or you may still be waiting.  If you are waiting, prepare yourself now to be ready for what you asked for. If you’ve never had it, it will certainly take some getting used to.  If you have it, don’t sabotage it by not believing that you deserve it, or waiting for something to go wrong. Savor every moment and receive the blessing that you’ve been praying and asking for.

This week I challenge you to take a look at your work and love life and ask yourself if you are giving both a fair shot.  Will you complain or sabotage?  Or will you make the necessary changes and embrace the goodness?  Take a chance on life. Take a chance on love. Take a chance on happiness.

What Are You Chasing?

Take a moment to take an inventory of how you spend your time.  Most likely you spend some, if not the majority of your time going after something.  That thing may be money, a mate, or a goal.  Having your sights set on something to strive toward can be a great thing.  The question is, are you going after the best thing for you?

When it comes to life, love and even success, there is something about the chase that is very exciting. We like to go after what’s challenging, what we are told that we can’t have, or what may seem unattainable.  In many instances this is a good thing, but is what you are chasing, what you are supposed to have?

Are you missing something that you are supposed to get by chasing something that you are not supposed to have?

We have a tendency, often subconsciously, to try to manipulate and control our lives. We see something we want and then we create every excuse that we can as to why it is what we are supposed to have.  As a result, we often find ourselves in situations that may not be healthy for us.  So it’s important to take time to think through our decisions and our choices to make sure that in trying to pursue what we want, we are not missing out on what we are supposed to have.

This week I challenge you to analyze your current circumstance. What are you chasing?  Does it want to be caught? If you stop chasing it, will it chase you?  When it’s something that you’re supposed to have, it will most likely come when you stop looking.   Make room for your blessings by opening up your mind and your heart to receive them.  Sometimes that means just being still and waiting faithfully and patiently.  Take a break from the chase so that you can get what you are supposed to have.