Get Your Life In Order

I’ve come to know that the state of my physical space is often a pretty accurate representation of my mental and or emotional state. If my car and my loft are junky, then so is my mind. When I’m off balance, overwhelmed, stressed, or just trying to do too much, all of the things around me become a clear sign that it’s time to slow down and pull things back together.  I usually don’t stop to “clean up” until things slow down naturally, but yesterday I began to think...What if we can reverse the effects by flipping the process?

It all boils down to being proactive. What if I began by stopping to take time up front to clean and organize my life?  Would that then lend itself to a more clear and organized mind and emotional state?

I decided that I’d give that a try this week. So last night I cleaned up my loft and created a few posters to guide me through the week, the month, and the rest of the year.  Take a moment to think about this…What are some practices that we could put in to place to make our lives run more smoothly?  Here are a few of my suggestions…

Finances: Create a poster of monthly expenses, (also list due dates and amounts) post them on the wall where you have to look at them every day, and cross them off as you pay them off. 

Long Term Planning: Create a poster that is a grid of the next six months with blank columns under each month.  Write major goals out individually on Post It (sticky) notes.  Place the goals in the columns under the months in which you hope to accomplish the goals.  If life happens and you don’t meet one by the due date that you’d planned for, simply move it over to the next month.

Daily Duties: Create a poster similar to the Long Term Planning Poster described above.  Instead of months as the column titles, list important components of your life.  For me that includes the names of the different companies that I run or consult for, shopping, friends, family and personal.  List what needs to be done under each category and cross them off as you accomplish them.

These visual representations of the things that need to be organized and maintained in your life help to keep you on track. Being able to cross them off and see that they have been taken care of gives you a real sense of accomplishment and progress.

You may not adapt any of these techniques, and I don’t encourage you to if you feel that they won’t work for you.  BUT this week I will challenge you to come up with one process that will help you to get your life in order, thus improving your mental health and productivity.  Engineer yourself for success by beginning with something small and manageable that you know you will stick to.  Once you put your new practice into place, sit back and watch how much more smoothly your life will run.

What Is Your Escape Plan?

When I go out to do observations and quality assessments for youth programs, one of the first things that we look for is their emergency procedures which should be posted in plain view. Emergency procedures let people know which way to go in order to stay safe in the midst of chaos.

We've become so desensitized that we fail to realize that we are in the midst of a state of emergency. When we look at the messages in the media and popular culture, the literacy rate, the economy, mental illness and all of the things that are going on around us, it's a wonder that we haven't all given up.

Since we are in such a state, we need a plan of escape in order to keep our sanity. Here are some procedures that I suggest you practice in order to keep you grounded, balanced and essentially safe...

Self-Care: I've begun to spoil myself because with all of the work and travel that I do, I need to re-build, re-energize and replenish regularly. I get professional massages, pedicures, hairstyling, eye brow arching and personal fitness training on a regular basis. This is a huge change because a few years ago I hardly ever treated myself to any of these things that I now consider necessities. I consider them as such because in order to continue to give my gift to the world in the way that God wants me to, I need to make sure that my cup is not only full but overflowing. What do you, or can you do to increase your focus on self-care?

A Financial Plan: I've come to realize that poverty is a mindset...one to which I have been trapped in for many years and still struggle to be released from the grips of. If we are not focused on financial literacy we tend to spend more than we save, give more than we have, and live well beyond our means, often struggling from pay check to pay check. Now is the time to begin to think about how you might get your finances in order in such a way that you are prepared for the emergencies that can and do emerge every day. Even if it as simple as an old school piggy bank, put aside a little money every day and invest in something that will yield a return. In what ways can you strengthen your financial practices?

A Confidante: Quite simply, you need someone that you can talk to or confide in. My suggestion is that God be the first, but you need someone that you can talk to who you can trust and that is an active listener. When I say active listening I mean not just hearing what you are saying, but truly listening, remembering, empathizing, knowing when to be silent and knowing when to practice self-control. We don't always want someone to offer the solutions, the lectures, or the shoulda's, ought to's, and need to's....we simply need someone who will just listen without judgment, yet be honest and hold us accountable for the goals and plans that we share with them. Who is your confidante? If you don't have one, identify one...if no one meets the requirements...God is always on deck.

A Place of Peace: In an actual emergency, this would be a fallout shelter or some other place that would keep you safe in the midst of a natural disaster or act of terror. The things that we deal with in our everyday lives are just as real and we often need to take cover to reflect and regroup.

It's also important to keep in mind that your environment has a huge impact on your state of mind. I've noticed that my physical environment often reflects my mindset. When I am at peace, my space is clean, organized and creatively decorated. When I'm out of sorts, my place looks like it's been hit by a tornado. If you don't have access to a little cabin or some other serene get away, then your home or at least one space in your home should be your place of peace.

Designate a spot, or if you have a loft like me where everything is in one big space, design it in a way that brings you the serenity that you need. If candles and incense are your thing, then make it happen. As much as possible keep your space clean and clutter free. I personally discourage unannounced or uninvited guests because I know that's what I need for my own sanity. Pick your space, design it to your liking and set your standards and boundaries. Everyone should have their very own place of peace to retreat to in tumultuous times.
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So today, I encourage you to write, or mentally devise the first draft of your emergency procedures or escape plan. What are your top three self-care practices? What is your financial plan? Who is your confidante? Where is your place of peace? Write them, type them, put them on a poster board....do whatever works best for you and post them in plain view.

There is no need for a drill like those we used to do in school to practice what we might do in the event of an emergency because the time is now. Device your escape plan and your emergency procedures and practice them regularly.

What's In Your Backpack?

People often say that when something bad happens, or when you go through something that you're supposed to put the past behind you and move on.  This advice has always seemed to make a lot of sense but now that I think about it, where does all of that past that you're chucking over your shoulder go?  

For years, every time I experienced a setback, a failure, a disappointment or the like, I simply tossed it behind me and kept things moving along at a rather brisk pace.  Then one day I realized that I just felt heavy.  I got to a place where I just could not move forward anymore. 

In church on Sunday the Pastor touched on this subject, and he said that back in old days the punishment for killing a man was that his dead body would be tied to your back.  Imagine having to go through life with a heavy, smelly rotting dead person on your back.

That dead person represents the old you.  I know that image is rather grotesque so let's liken the dead person or the old you to an over sized and over stuffed backpack.

When you put your failures behind you, you are placing them in an overweight back pack that represents your emotional and psychological baggage.  In order to move forward it is necessary to acknowledge or address those things or people that have hurt or harmed you.  I've found peace and healing in using those negative situations in my writing, thus helping others while simultaneously freeing myself of the extra baggage.

So today I encourage you to remove that back pack, empty it out. Lay the things that were in it out before you. Deal with them, learn from them, and use them as stepping stones so that you may reach further and higher without the heavy burden.

The Overflow

This past weekend I went to Chicago for a Girl's Weekend Getaway with some dear friends that I've been close with since high school. It was one of those rare occasions where I traveled for pleasure and not business (even though you KNOW I was getting my network on and selling books.). I'm proud to say that even though it was a pleasure trip...I still got up early on Sunday morning and made my way to church. I'm glad that I did, because something that the Pastor said inspired this morning's message. He said,

"Everything in the cup, filled to the brim, belongs to me. I can only give you the overflow."

Let me elaborate....

Are you one of those people that just HAS to have their morning coffee? Do you know someone who is like that? If so, you know that religious coffee drinkers simply must have their coffee before they are able to function, be productive, and in many cases even speak.

McDonald's has a commercial out where a man crosses the paths of several people who try to greet him, but he cuts them all off by saying, "I haven't had my morning coffee."

So I want you to imagine a cup filled to the brim. The liquid represents everything that belongs to you...everything you need. So, if you need every drop that's in that cup to thrive and survive...you can only give the overflow.

If you gave all of your co-workers and friends a sip, and then all of your friends and family members a gulp...you'd have little or nothing left for yourself.

With just a few meager drops, or an empty cup, you won't be able to thoroughly handle your business spiritually, mentally, emotionally, financially or otherwise. So fill your cup first in order to be most effective and efficient and only give others the overflow.

Are You Open AND READY to Receive?

One of my favorite affirmations that I write and repeat frequently is, "I am now open to receive." Recently I had to ask myself, "You may be open, but are you really ready?" I say this because we constantly hope and wish and dream and pray and want for things like a good mate, more money, a new home or car...but when we actually get those things will we be truly ready? Will we know what to do with those things? The reality is that we are so focused on what we have presently, or what we don't have, that when we get what we claimed that we truly wanted we often lose, abuse or reject it.

I was listening to an airing of the Oprah Show on Oprah Radio recently where they highlighted a very interesting social experiment. A homeless man was given a large lump sum of money, as well as opportunities for education, employment and mental health treatment. To make a long story short, he did not take the offers that would help him sustain and maintain his well being, but he did take the money. In no time he blew all of the money and was homeless again.

As we get on our knees and pray, or day dream, or create vision boards for what it is that we truly believe that we want or need, we must also prepare to receive it. If it is money that we desire, we must increase our financial literacy so that we will know how to manage it when we get it. If it is love that we want we must change our existing framework and learn what real and healthy love looks like.

Last week I talked about visualizing our dreams in order for them to be realized. A part of the vision must also be the wisdom, discipline, training and commitment that comes along with the things that we long for.

So this week, I encourage you to journal about, talk about, pray about, or meditate about all of the necessary steps, supplements, and mindsets that go along with what you are asking for. Be prepared because if you ask and believe, you will most certainly receive...so GET READY!

You Are The Gift

"You Are The Gift"

What do you use to measure your worth? What do you use to measure your value? Is it the clothes you wear? Is it the person you are dating? Is it what others think of you? Is it the amount of money you have? Is it your size? Is it the shade of your skin?

The truth is that we often base how we feel about ourselves on many of the factors listed above...but do those things truly make us happy? At the end of the day, are we fulfilled, or do we find ourselves always wanting more, no matter how much we have? A better car, a bigger house, newer clothes, longer hair, a smaller waist....

We find a small bit of happiness in these things, but as soon as someone says something bad about us it knocks us off of our rocker. We usually do one of two things...We try to prove them wrong...or we believe them.

How we feel about ourselves cannot be based on how we look, what we have, or what others think about us because what happens when we don't have those things anymore? What happens when those people are no longer in our lives, what happens when our looks fade or change?

For most of my life I remember thinking that if I lost weight, then I'd be happy. As a result I changed my lifestyle, started exercising, ate right, and lost 65 pounds. I got a lot more compliments and attention... but there was just one thing that was missing. I still was not happy. I did not know my value, I did not know my worth, I didn't realize that I was a gift. All that I needed was already inside of me.

Let's talk about that for a minute. Let's talk about what I mean, or what it looks like when I say that you are the gift.

Think about a person that you find to be intriguing. What is it about that person that makes them so interesting? Nine times out of ten it is something that you just can't describe. They walk into a room and their presence is felt. People are drawn to them. It's almost like that person has a glow. It really has nothing to do with that person's looks...there's just something about them....

They have that SWAG...now what is swag? Is it something that you can see? Is it something that you can buy? Is it something that you can learn? No, it is something that we all have inside of us, we just don't realize it.

Let me break it down like this. SWAG.... S-W-A-G

The S stands for Something... There is something about these people that we just can't quite wrap our minds around, something that makes them stand out in a crowd. Not necessarily how they look, what they are wearing, or what they have...just something.

The W stands for Within... It's something within because clearly we can't quite describe it and we can't see it, but we know that it's there.

The A stands for Awesome...It makes us want to know that person, be that person's friend, be around that person.

The G stands for Gift. They are the gift, they have the gift, it's inside of them and it's glowing on the outside...

S.W.A.G. = Something Within...Awesome Gift...

You see my friends, these are the people that KNOW that they are the gift. When you know that you are the gift, anything is possible.

Sometimes people spell SWAG with two G's. ...SWAGG

That last G is silent, sometimes you don't see it, but it's ever present...That last G is God. Something Within...Awesome Gift...God. God is the gift, God Gives you the Gift, God is in you. That thing that people see shining through is the God in you.

That's the realization that I had to come to. How dare I talk negatively about myself? How dare I think I am not cute enough, or too fat? I am a child of God, and denying myself...denying that I am the gift, is like denying God.

God is in me so how dare I not love myself. How can I say that I love God if I do not love myself? Loving yourself is knowing that you are the gift. Knowing that you are the gift, is loving yourself.

Now that you know, you have no excuse. You've got SWAG. It's in you, now you should adjust accordingly. The change may not happen overnight, but here are a few steps to get you started...

• When someone gives you a complement, simply say thank you (accepting a compliment is like saying, "I know that I am the Gift")

• When you enter a room hold your head high, and look everyone in the eye...you think no one notices you? You think no one's checking you out, how could you know when you've had your head down for so long. Lift it up and let that beautiful light shine through your eyes and your smile.

• Next time someone tries to mess with you or talk bad about you look them in the eye and smile...Laugh even.... But in your head I want you to say... "Do you know who I am? Better yet? Do you know who's I am? You better ask somebody!"

You've Got that SWAG...You Are the Gift!