Out With The Old...In With The New!

This is the last week of 2010.  How will you spend it?  I plan to spend the time cleaning out my space and my life to make room for the new things that I want to receive in 2011.  My issues with clutter usually have to do with my clothes and my linens.  I buy new things, but I continue to hang on to the old things even if the quality is poor, things don’t fit, I never wear or use them or if I have several of the same thing.  So what’s my attachment to these things?  Why can’t I just let go?

This practice is similar to how we live our lives. We hold on to people and things that may not necessarily serve a purpose. In essence, they are really just taking up space. It forces me to wonder, what other more useful, valuable and meaningful thing could be in that space that is already taken?

Every household should have staple items.  If we narrow it down to just looking at clothing and linens one major thing comes to mind for me in each category.  With the weather getting colder, especially here in Michigan and other places with similar climates, there are a few items that are mandatory at this time of year.  Let’s take a literal look at two items: a comforter and a pair of boots.  After we look at them literally, then we can liken them to the people and things that we choose to have in our lives.

The primary purpose of a comforter is to keep us warm, but it may also be a security blanket for many.  When we personify this, I believe that it is good for us to have one or two people that we can turn to when we feel the need to be comforted.  The problem lies in having several people that are comforters in your life. What does this say about you?  Are they enabling you? Are you dependent upon them?

Just like with real comforters, one or two good ones will do. Having many more than that means that you probably just use them for show, or they are taking up lots of extra space in your closet.  When you have too many people that are comforters, those extra ones are usually ‘yes men’ or ‘yes women’.  If someone is always agreeing with you and telling you what you want to hear, how will you ever grow?  A true friend or comforter will be caring and kind, but will also always be honest with you and have your best interest in mind.

The purpose of a good pair of boots is to protect your feet by keeping them warm and dry.  I have a pair of leather, knee high, kitten heeled boots that I absolutely adore.  They are cute, comfortable and they keep my feet warm and dry.  The problem is that I wear them so much that I’ve worn both of the heels off.  When I walk on hard surfaces it sounds like I have on tap shoes because where there should be heels on my boots, only exposed metal screws remain.

My mother HATES when I wear shoes that have gotten to that point. She’ll say, “How can I say this nicely?” Then she will pause and continue on by saying, “Don’t ever wear those boots again.”  I’m not sure how nice that delivery was, but I can understand where she is coming from.

Since boots cover and protect one of the most important parts of our body, I like to think that they represent integrity.  This analogy leads to two important questions…

“What do you stand for?”  And “What do you walk in?”  Your answers to each are unique to you, but I’ll give you my thoughts and or answers for each question. 

One of my favorite quotes says, “If you don’t’ stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.”  There are several things that I stand for and tests of my resolve constantly come my way in those areas.  Therefore it is important that I stand strong in my beliefs no matter what.  My answer to the second question is simple. I walk in faith.  If you are walking in anything else, say fear for instance, then perhaps it’s time to get a new pair of boots.

This final week of the year, I challenge you to think about what old things and people you need to let go of, and what new things and people you want to attract into your life.  Spend this week wisely; it just may set the tone for your new year.

Happy Holidays!

Christmas 1984 with my young brother Ron

Spoiler Alert: 

If you still believe in Santa Claus, stop reading this now.

One Christmas long ago I decided to do an experiment.  I wanted to find out if Santa Claus was real.  We usually leave cookies and milk or other delicious treats out for Santa, but this time I had a plan for something different.  Somehow, every year we had a box of chocolate covered cherries.  In our family this was equivalent to the dreaded fruit cake. No one liked the chocolate covered cherries.  I opened the lonely little box of untouched cherries that sat under the tree and put two of them on a small plate for Santa on Christmas Eve.  I reasoned that if my older brother or mother were posing as Santa, they would not eat the chocolate covered cherries and I would finally know the truth.

New Years Eve 2010 with my Younger Brother Ron

The next morning I woke up and the chocolate covered cherries were gone!  Instead of diving into opening gifts as I had really wanted to, I opened the box of chocolate covered cherries first.  The findings of my experiment were conclusive.  No longer were there two empty spaces where I had taken the chocolate covered cherries for Santa. Now it appeared to be that same untouched box with the two candies neatly tucked back in their original places.  It was official, Santa Claus was not real.

Now I believe in a higher power that I know is real. There is no experiment that can prove otherwise. I’ve only had constant signs and confirmations that He does exist.  He is the real reason that we celebrate this season.  That reason is God.   Since we focus a whole lot on gifts this season, I’d like to share a quote with you that I read last night.

“Creativity is God’s gift to us. Using our creativity is our gift back to God.”

–Julia Cameron, Author of The Artist’s Way

So this holiday season I encourage you to use your creativity, just as I did when I was a little girl, and unleash all of the wonderful gifts that God has given us. Use it in the gifts that you give for the holidays, use it in your work, use it in your play, and use it for your purpose.  In the midst of our giving, let’s give back to God.

Happy Holidays!

Proceed With Confidence

It is our natural human tendency to proceed with caution.  This might be necessary when it comes to blatant safety issues such as slippery floors or poorly lit roads, but what is our excuse for proceeding cautiously when it comes to the things that will improve the quality of our lives?

What do you want or need?  Is it a new home? A better car? Employment? A mate? Now think about your approach to that thing that you hope for.  Are you aggressively and assertively preparing for and or pursuing it, or are you tip toeing around it timidly hoping that it might happen,  but secretly sabotaging yourself by not believing that you’ll ever truly get it. Or even worse, settling for less than what you really want.

Let’s combat this by changing our thinking and our language.  Instead of thinking it as simply a want or a need, think of it as something that you believe for. Once you are able to wrap your head around that, begin to visualize yourself in that desired situation.

Now that you’ve got your mind right, it’s time to take a look at how you talk.  It may simply be a matter of switching out the word “if” for the word “when”, for example, “When I get a new car, I’m going to pay for full coverage insurance six months in advance.”  Isn’t that so much more powerful than saying,  “If I get a new car I’m going to try to pay for full coverage insurance, but I might just get no fault insurance at first, because I’m broke.”  In one simple sentence, you’ve already defeated yourself before you began.

I don’t think we realize just how powerful our words are.  What is in our mind comes out of our mouth, and then goes into our ears and right back into our mind. Now if that message is filled with negativity, self-doubt and fear, then look at the sad self-induced cycle that we get caught up in.

Sometimes our hesitance to speak confidently is a result of our worries about how others view us.  Don’t be driven by what other people might think if your vision doesn’t come to pass. It’s not about them, but you never know how hearing your strong faith may encourage or inspire them, so you very well may be doing them an injustice by not believing for what you want to receive and speaking accordingly.

I’ve told my mother the things that I’m going to do for her “WHEN I become a millionaire…” so many times, that when she got her last job she told her co-worker, “I’m only working here until my daughter becomes a millionaire.”  You see, the boldness and the confidence that is infused in your words and your thoughts is contagious.  You are not only setting up your life to receive the things that you believe for, but you are simultaneously motivating other people to have that same unwavering faith. So today I encourage you to mentally and verbally claim what is yours.  Stop proceeding with caution and begin to proceed with confidence.

Trust The Process

I’ve always tried to control my life.  I would subconsciously manipulate situations to work in my favor. I didn’t realize that I was doing it until recently.  What I found was that while I might have gotten my way for a moment, my master plans often back fired or failed. 

For example, when I am a facilitating Youth Work Professional training, I always have one participant that’s eager to get to the point of it all right away.  What they don’t understand is that each workshop agenda has been specifically designed to teach them the new concept or skill in such a way that breaks down and then reveals the pieces in manageable chunks that build upon one another.  It’s a process often referred to as scaffolding.  This method of teaching and learning makes a far more powerful impact than if I had just dumped all of the information on the students at once.

Initially they don’t understand why I do things the way that I do, but in the end, a light bulb goes off and it all makes sense to them.  When I come across a student like this, I have to remind them to ‘trust the process.’  My mother always said, “Everything happens for a reason” and I’ve found that this has always rung true.

Things happen along our journey that are meant to teach us, prepare us, strengthen us and humble us.  Let’s take relationships for instance.  When we meet someone that we are interested in, we try to pour it on thick right up front.   We try to make them notice us, like us or even love us.  If they don’t, we’ll take another approach like trying to play the best friend role in hopes that they will then see how awesome we are and automatically fall in love with us.  (I’m speaking from experience of things that I know I am guilty of.)  Situations like this don’t always end in disaster, but here we are again trying to manipulate a situation instead of just relaxing, having faith and trusting that things will happen the way that they are meant to. Perhaps that person was only placed in our lives for a specific reason.  That reason may have not been a relationship at all.

The same is the case with our careers, our circumstances…or even when bad things happen.  We have to trust the process as opposed to trying to control the situation and manipulate our desired result.  In doing this we often miss a very valuable lesson or even a blessing that was supposed to come out of the situation. Think about how much more fulfilling an experience would be if we allowed it to run its natural course.  We could truly sit back and savor the benefits knowing that they are ours authentically, not because we manufactured or manipulated the outcome.

Today I challenge you to take a deep restorative breath, sit back, relax, let go and enjoy the ride.  Take things one day, one hour, or even one moment at a time. Savor the journey.  Allow your life to lead for a change.  Surrender to faith and trust the process.

There is Success in Sitting Down

We are always on the go. Multi-tasking has gone from a useful skill to use every now and then, to becoming a way of life.  Before we are done with one thing, we are already on to another.    Well, I’m sure that we’ve all encountered a situation that has proven to us that sometimes life has a way of sitting us right on down.

After graduate school I struggled to find full time employment despite my experience and qualifications.  Against my will, it was the first time that I had literary and figuratively been forced to sit down in years.  It was at that time that I wrote my first book.

You may have lost something dear to you such as a job, your health, an opportunity, or even a loved one.  It knocked you right off of your feet and left you asking, “Why me?”  Instead of focusing on what went wrong, clear your head and allow for the space and room in your mind and heart that is necessary to receive the gift that is to come out of the sit down situation.

At the last Essence of Motown Literary Jam and Conference hosted by the Motown Writers Network I had the pleasure of hearing bestselling author, Relentless Aaron, give the key note address.  He shared how he had been sent to prison for seven years. Most people would have looked at that as the end, but he treated it as a new beginning and during his time of ‘sitting down’, he wrote thirty books.  When he was released, he was offered his first of many opportunities…a fourteen book deal for a quarter of a million dollars.

It’s all about how we look at things.  Let me use an activity that we do in one of the trainings that I facilitate to drive my point home.  I’m going to list a phrase below and I want you to say that first thing that comes to mind based on what you see…

OPPORTUNITYISNOWHERE

What did you see, honestly?  The first thing that many people tend to blurt out is “Opportunity is nowhere.” But if we simply change our perspective ever so slightly we will see, “Opportunity is NOW  HERE.”

In essence, it’s important that we don’t look at setbacks that sit us down as the end. These situations may very well  have happened for the specific reason of catapulting us farther than we have ever been before.  So the next time life sits you down, embrace it and explore the possibilities that you might not otherwise have considered if you were still on the go.   There is success in sitting down.



An Attitude of Expectation

What do you want? What do you need? Now that you've answered those questions, answer this one, Do you believe that you will get those things?

I'll never forget the day that I auditioned to be a backup dancer for Gospel Recording artist, Kierra 'Ki Ki Sheard'. We'd just found out from her choreographer that she was going to do a ten, day three city tour in Japan and she was looking for one more dancer. No sooner than the words had come out of our choreographer's mouth, I was already visualizing myself dancing in Japan. Just before we began I walked over to him and said. "I want to go to Japan."

We performed a series of dances for her and I danced, not as if I was auditioning, but as if I was already her dancer on that stage in Japan. Several factors could have made my belief in myself and my ability waver. I wasn't the size that most dancers are. I was nine years older than her and ten years older than the other backup dancer, and I had absolutely no idea where in the world my passport was. I could have defeated myself before I even began.

She watched us intently with a poker face and whispered back and forth with her existing dancer. When we were done she whispered back and forth with our choreographer. The suspense was intense! When she left, he pulled me to the side and said, "I hope that you have your passport, because you're going to Japan!" Needless to say, the next day I re-applied for my passport and then a few months later I went on that tour which ended up being an awesome and life changing experience.

This may sound cocky, but I believe that I deserve great things. Each morning I walk to my mail box and my post office box thanking God for the good news that's going to be inside before I even open it. This is actually an accomplishment for me because there was a time where I operated in fear and self-doubt, only focusing on the punishments and karma that I thought would come my way for doing things wrong. I'm sure I wasn't alone and I'm also sure that many of you still think and feel this way.

We don't get what we want because we don't believe that we deserve it.

I've come to the conclusion that the only person that can sabotage or foil any of the plans that I have for what I want to achieve is me. The quickest way for me to do that is by not believing in myself. Everything I want, I constantly visualize as already mine. And slowly but surely, and sometimes quickly those things begin to manifest in my life.

Let's not confuse expectation with entitlement. I am grateful for and take great care to maintain and sustain the things that I am blessed with by putting in the necessary work to support my faith. It is also important to be aware that when you ask for something, you put it in writing, or you speak it verbally, you just might get it, so be prepared. We often get what we ask for then don't know what to do with it because we aren't ready for it.

As you work to improve your attitude of expectation make sure that you are simultaneously in a state of preparation. If you want a good mate, work to make yourself great. If you want more money, work to strengthen your financial literacy, reduce or eliminate your debt and be a good steward over what you do have. If you want a new job, start investing in new professional attire now. It's all about your attitude. We attract what we give off. It's the same on the flipside so if you are negative or fearful, prepare to receive just that.

This week I challenge you to change your thoughts, actions and attitudes in such a way that you expect amazing opportunities, relationships, experiences and gifts. Believe that great things are yours to be taken... they are just waiting for you to realize it.

Let It Marinate

Life is like a piece of meat.  In order to get the most out of it, there are certain things that need to be done in order to ensure the best possible flavor, texture and satisfaction.  Flavor is all about taste.  When you taste something you experience it and life is all about experiences.  The challenge is making them high quality and meaningful.  Texture is all about the feel of something.  In order to live a fulfilled life, we must tend to our feelings in a healthy way as opposed to ignoring, disregarding them or acting on them before we truly understand them.  Satisfaction is the culmination of everything because at the end of the day, you want to get the most out of every experience which will lead to you feeling great about yourself and your life.  So the question is, how do we make these things happen?  Let’s look at how we prepare a piece of meat.

Step One: Clean the meat. 

Cleaning out your mind and your life can be as simple as making the time to take a deep, cleansing and restorative breath more than once a day, or as complex as clearing out things and people that may be harmful.

Step Two: Season the meat.

Spice things up!  This directly relates to a question that I like to ask myself and others.  Are you just living your life, going through the basic every day motions to get by? Or are you experiencing life to the fullest by savoring every moment?  Add some variety.  If your level of living is on mild, kick things up a notch or two to medium or hot!  Have you been wearing your hair straight with a part on the side for years? Adding the seasoning is as simple as adding some curls or cutting in some layers.  Seasoning is about change.  What can you do to mix things up?

Step Three: Let it marinate.

One of my signature statements when I teach, speak or facilitate a training is, “Let it marinate”.  This basically means to take some time to let it sink in so that you can process your thoughts, reactions and ideas about a particular statement or experience. Too often we go through life without stopping to take the time to reflect on our experiences.  Reflection is a powerful tool because it helps us to learn and grow by thinking about what went well and what we would change or do differently next time. It also gives us an opportunity to celebrate our successes. 

Step Four: Cook the meat.

Cooking the meat represents the actions that we take once we have cleansed, contemplated change, and reflected upon previous experiences. Your cooking, or actions must be well planned and timed.  For instance, if we cook meat too long it burns or comes out tough.  I liken this to when we spend too much time worrying about things that we cannot change or things that are beyond our control.  Or when we sit on an idea or talent too long that we know that we should have released by now to make the world a better place.  If we don’t cook meat long enough or at the proper temperature, it may come out raw and ultimately make us sick.  This parallels our tendency to make decisions and take actions prematurely.  It’s all about timing. There must be a balance.

I could go on and take this as far as eating, digestion and beyond, but I’ll stop at having you consider what the necessary tools are for you to enjoy your dish that is your life.  With meat, you’ll need a fork and a sharp knife.  What utensils will help you to dig in to your life and cut through the literal and figurative clutter? 

This week, my challenge to you is to ask yourself the following questions…

What needs to be cleaned up in my life?

What needs to be changed in my life?

What do I need to spend some time mentally processing?

What is my plan of action?

What tools do I need?

Now let that marinate!