Sunday, November 29, 2009

Relationship Rescue Series: Installment #3 - Questions

Important Questions for Self Reflection

When we are considering taking the next major step in a relationship, namely marriage, we are often advised to ask our potential partner some very important questions. I’d like to amend that wise council by adding a mandatory pre-requisite. There are some very important questions that we need to ask of ourselves.

What are your standards or boundaries?

If you don’t set clear standards and boundaries for yourself other people will determine them for you. The result is that you will find yourself unhappy and ultimately resentful toward the person that imposed these lowered standards upon you. The worst part of it all is that since you were the one that did not stand up for you in the first place; you will begin to resent yourself. Knowing what you will and will not accept and knowing when you are willing to compromise is key.

Would you marry that person as they are today if they never changed?

There is a common misconception that once a couple is married, their problems will decrease or disappear all together. Somehow we have been falsely led to believe that marriage will make things better. This might be true if you put in the deliberate effort as a team to make the relationship work, but the truth is that if issues and problems are not addressed, marriage may only make matters worse.

The reality is that we cannot change people, and people only change if and when they are good and ready. With all of that said, could you marry the person that you are with today, as they are? Could you stay with that person, with all of their shortcomings for the rest of your life? If the answer is no, then you may want to re-evaluate some things.

Would you marry you?

We spend a lot of time trying to pick apart our mate in order to decide whether or not we can spend the rest of our lives with them, but when was the last time you took a look at yourself? If you were someone from the outside looking in, would you marry yourself? If you have a hard time controlling your emotions and communicating effectively, the answer might just be no. So do some self inventory to see if you would chose yourself if you were someone else.

Getting to know yourself is the most effective way to learn to love and be loved. Show your intended how to love you based on how you love yourself. Self reflection and insight are the best ways to become a strong partner in any relationship.

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