Inspirationista Ink!

Traffic Light Your Life

2011-12-26T06:48:00.000-08:00

Today is the day to begin cleaning house. I mean this literally and figuratively, inside and out. This is the week where we must sit down and reflect on 2011 and think about what we want 2012 to look like. What will we leave behind in 2011? What will we take into 2012? What will we do differently? What will stay the same? There is a reflection activity that I often use with my training participants called Red Light, Yellow Light, Green Light. Let's use this activity to help us to reflect on last year and plan for the year to come.

The red light represents things that we want to stop. What are some things that you did in 2011 that you don't want to carry into 2012? Maybe it's a bad habit or behavior...or it could be some form of inactivity perhaps when it comes to exercise, or being organized. For me it's leading with my emotions and negative thinking. I've spent a lot of time really looking at and learning about myself this year and I've come to realize that the way that I react to things and the way that I think about things is truly the only thing that is holding me back from where I really want to be. It's not money, or time, or any of the other excuses that we often use when we talk about why we aren't where we are supposed to be in our lives. So my red light is that I plan to stop making decisions and reactions based on emotion as well as negative thinking and processing, all which ultimately lead to self-sabotage.

The yellow light represents things that you want to continue. It's all about acknowledging something that you have been doing that is working for you. At the end of 2010 I realized that I was 32 years old with tons of great accomplishments and success, and I made good money, but I had absolutely nothing to show for it. As a result, this year I committed to financial literacy and freedom and it has completely turned my life around. It has increased my confidence and self-esteem and it has decreased my stress. Therefore my yellow light is that I will continue my journey to financial freedom in which I have intentionally mapped out a plan for 2012 that leads to the road to being an enlightened millionaire.

The green light represents something that you want to start. This year what I want to start is quite simple. I want to start searching and saving for my dream house. I believe that it is my destiny to be the rock of my family. I want to be the safe and neutral place where everyone can come to celebrate on holidays. So, once I get my dream house, I want to start strong traditions of love and acceptance for years to come. Family begins with our blood relatives, but it extends to the friends in our lives who have become family as well. So again, my green light is to start saving and searching for my dream house where I will begin strong traditions that bring peace and joy to those that I love.

What will you Stop (Red Light), Continue (Yellow Light), and Start (Green Light) in 2012? This week I challenge you to sit down and write, draw or visualize these things so that you will have a simple yet solid plan for the New Year.

Happy Holidays!

Order your autographed copy of "Monday Morning Motivation" (The Book) from www.monicamariejones.com

EXCERPT from "Monday Morning Motivation" The Book!

2011-10-10T06:42:00.000-07:00

Introduction

A New Day

Recently I was talking to a friend and fellow motivator about Monday mornings at his job. He shared that it was the absolute worst time of the week. This was due to the fact that everyone was always upset and depressed because they didn’t want to be there. As positive as he is, one can’t help but be affected by such negative energy; as it is contagious. Finally, he told me that when my Monday Morning Motivation message pops up in his inbox, it ends up turning his whole day around.

When I decided to do these messages I never could have imagined the impact that they would make. More than one person has shared with me that research shows that suicide occurs more often on Mondays than any other day of the week because of that sense of dread and depression that is often referred to as the “Monday Morning Blues.” Each of these readers, who have never met and live in different parts of the world, all said that they feel like these messages are making an impact and a difference when it comes to those statistics. If a little inspiration on Monday morning lifts one heavy spirit or saves one life, then I feel that I have done my job.

I look at Monday in an entirely different way. I truly believe that our health, wealth and how we feel about ourselves depends heavily upon how we perceive things. For example, when I hear the term Monday Morning Blues, I think of how beautiful a blue sky is or that blue is my favorite color as opposed to the negative connotation that the word blue usually holds. Instead of looking at Monday in a dreadful way, I look at it as a new day and an opportunity for a new beginning… as a gift that we are given each week.

I remember when I was a child and I wanted to ask my mother for something, I can’t recall what it was, but I prefaced it with, “Mom, when it’s 1984 again can I….” She laughed and let me know that years don’t come back around like months and days do. We may not be able to get the years back, but there will always be another Monday.

Every day is a new day and an opportunity to start all over again, but I feel that Mondays are the most powerful because they are the beginning.

How often do we think or say that we wish we had the opportunity to do something all over again? Monday gives us that. Today I challenge you to think about ways to make the most of Mondays. I’ll start you off with a few, but the rest is up to you…

Re-Commit To a Life-Style Change

Notice that I didn’t say diet. Focus on fitness in a way that is manageable and realistic enough for you to maintain for life.

Do Something Differently Than You Did Last Week

Use the weekend as a time to reflect on issues that came up for you throughout the week. Once you’ve completed that task, use Monday as a day to learn from your mistakes by leaving them behind and moving forward with new goals and action steps.

Begin the Journey of Letting Something Go That Is Not Good For You

Perhaps you want to quit smoking or give up sweets. Monday is a great day to begin and even if you slip up during the week, that’s OK because another Monday is on the way for you to give it another try.

Let’s make each Monday a new day and if you find yourself getting off track as the week progresses, just remember…another Monday is only seven days away.

How to Use This Book

You are more than welcome to read this book all at once, but for maximum impact it is designed to be read one chapter per week for a year. Read each chapter first thing in the morning every Monday when you wake up, before you do anything else, or as soon as you arrive at the office, before you begin your work for the day.

Apply the topic of the message for each week to your life by focusing on the challenge posed or questions asked at the end of each chapter. Continue to apply and review the concepts, ideas and suggestions that you read in the motivational message for the entire week.

After reading the message, or at the end of the week, reflect on your progress. This can be done alone or with a close friend, family member, co-worker or group. Encourage the person that you share your thoughts with to read the book right along with you. (See the Book Club Guide at the end of the book.)

If you decide to reflect alone, record your thoughts, your answers to the questions, or the action steps that you plan to take to meet the challenges in a journal.

Now sit back, relax and enjoy the read!

"Monday Morning Motivation" The Book Coming November 12, 2011!!

Pre-Order NOW for ONLY $8 at http://www.monicamariejones.com

What Matters? Put In The Work To Make It Work

2011-09-26T07:28:00.000-07:00

I was watching the movie Couple’s Retreat yesterday and toward the end, a line that actor Vince Vaughn said really stuck with me. He was talking to a friend that hadn’t been taking his marriage seriously when he said, “If it matters, work at it…if not, move on to something else.”

All too often we find ourselves in situations that we complain about, yet we stick around. We are obviously sticking around for a reason. Instead of continuing to just exist in such comfortable situations, we must ask ourselves if this job, this person, this project, or this goal really matters to us. If it does, we must get out of our complacent state and work to make it work. If we are not going to put in the work we must either stop complaining…or move on.

We are doing no justice to ourselves or the other people involved if we continue to stay around. It’s kind of like that kid in the classroom, or that person in the office that has a cold. The school and the office management would rather that they just stay at home instead of spreading the germs and making everyone sick.

If you aren’t happy with a situation, you’ll ultimately exude negative energy, which is also contagious. Beyond that, it sucks the life out of people.

Today I challenge you to take inventory of your life and identify an area that you are not giving all that you know that you can. What can you do to improve the situation? In reflecting upon this situation, if you find that it really, truly matters to you, then put in the work to make it work, or do everyone a favor and let go and move on. Moving on is not always a bad thing. It may be just what’s needed to liberate you and those who were affected by your actions or inaction.

My guess is that if it is a relationship with a loved one, as was the case in the movie…it probably does matter to you. So don’t take another second taking that person for granted. As soon as you’re done reading this, let them know how much they mean to you and why, and then begin devising a plan of action to put in the work to make it work.

Happy Labor Day

2011-09-05T06:31:00.000-07:00

According to Wikipedia Labor Day is a United States federal holiday observed on the first Monday in September that celebrates the economic and social contributions of workers.

When I hear the word work, it makes me think about faith. Many of us truly believe that we have faith, but faith is a formula. Faith needs work to work.

When a woman is in labor, she can believe that the baby will just slide and glide out or walk out of her without any effort on her part, but the reality is that she has to push. She has to put in the work to give life to her little miracle.

What miracle do you want to happen in your life? What goal or dream do you believe for? Are you putting in the work? If you don’t want that vision to die, you have to push. You have to put in the work.

Now when I say put in work, I don’t just mean working hard…many of us do that every day. I mean working smart. For all that we do, there is a corresponding process or system that could help everything to go more smoothly and lead to higher quality outcomes.

Lately I’ve been studying business so that I can grow and strengthen the companies that I own. In my research I read a staggering fact that 99 out of 100 small businesses fail in 10 years. We often have great ideas, great products and the ambition and the drive to start a business, but the reason that it is not successful is because we have not put in the right type of work. To see our desired outcomes and ensure that they have longevity, we have to put in the work on the front end to create excellent systems.

BusinessDictionary.com defines a system as A set of detailed methods, procedures, and routines established or formulated to carry out a specific activity, perform a duty, or solve a problem.

When we take the time and put in the work to create a system, then our businesses, our goals, our dreams, our children, or whatever we believe for can continue to grow and flourish without us even being there. That is the type of work we want to do.

So celebrate the work you’ve done up to this point today, but tomorrow and beyond I challenge you to put in the right work.

Happy Labor Day!
Monday Morning Motivation (The Book) Coming November 2011!

Increase Your Peace

2011-08-30T18:40:00.000-07:00

My Mother and I had a really good conversation the other day. We discussed how as you get older, your life should become more peaceful, and you should have far more grace when it comes to the way in which you handle situations. It may seem that the opposite is the case with the way reality TV glorifies grown folks fighting, but it still rings true that as your age increases, so should your peace and grace.

This year I’ve made an intentional effort to improve the quality of my life. Just last week I was sitting in my loft and I thought to myself, “My life is really peaceful. I am happy.” There was a time in the past where I wouldn’t have been honestly able to say that.

There were certain things in my life that I had to change, replace, add or take away on my personal journey to peace and grace. The first step was being brutally honest…with myself.

I know that I do well under pressure, which is fine every now and then, but overall I had to replace procrastination with planning. My lack of advanced planning often led me to be reactive to situations, so I had to replace that with being proactive. Being reactive often came with a lot of emotion. I had to replace the emotion with logic. Emotion usually leads to drama, so once I got rid of that, the drama decreased and I became ready to increase my peace. Increased peace leads to grace. When you are peaceful and happy, you handle situations far more gracefully.

I was reading one of my favorite authors, Robert T. Kyosaki, the other day and he said that in order for him to make meaningful and lasting change, certain parts of him had to die. For example, in order for him to be rich…the poor man in him had to die. In order for him to be healthy, the fat and lazy man in him had to die…

What part of us needs to die, so that the new and improved version can be born?

This week I challenge you to think about the habits and behaviors in your life that you can replace, change or eliminate in order to increase your peace and grace. Take it one day at a time…and take it from me, the end result is well worth the work.

Rehab

2011-08-15T06:35:00.000-07:00

The word rehabilitation is often given a bad reputation in that it is associated with the process by which someone goes through detox, therapy and behavior modification to help them recover from an addiction to drugs or alcohol. Very rarely do we look at it as the positive thing that it is meant to be. If we looked at the bright side of it we would see that it is a way for people to restore and rebuild their lives.

Let's look at it in terms of real estate. When you buy an investment property it may be distressed or in need of repair. Investing in the rehabilitation that the house needs will substantially increase its value. Even something as simple as painting the walls can make the property worth more than you acquired it for thus making it more marketable and in higher demand once you present it to the world.

I want you to think of yourself or your life as that house. What projects need to be done to increase your value? What investment do you need to make in yourself to increase your worth? Perhaps you need to strengthen or reinforce your foundation by continuing your academic or financial education. Or maybe the improvements are structural in that you need to commit or re-commit to fitness. You might need new windows which represents your vision or the way that you look at things. Are you looking at life from a point of view that is broken or damaged? A new storm door represents security…do you need to work on being more secure in who you are, especially in the face of a storm or adversity. Whether the changes are large or small they can all increase your net worth in a major way.

Today I challenge you to do your due diligence and conduct a thorough inspection of yourself. Make a list of the projects that need attention, in order of priority, and begin your process of rehabilitation with the most pressing one. In the end you will find yourself in a better place with more confidence and self-assurance because you put in the work needed to increase your value and your worth.

Let the rehabilitation begin!

Help IS The Way

2011-08-11T14:38:00.000-07:00

There’s a song that goes, “Hold on, Help is on the way!” If you have faith, you know that this is a statement that is very true, but what we usually fail to even consider is that help IS THE WAY to speed up the process.

We often believe that we've exhausted every option when it comes to trying to improve a situation, solve a problem, or reach a goal in our lives. There's one secret key that we always forget about. That secret key is asking how we can be of assistance to someone else. The saying “Give to Get” doesn't just apply to money. We can give our time, wisdom, experience or advice to those in need. And keep in mind that when I say “those in need” I don’t just mean the “needy.” Successful people are often the one’s that need the most help and there is a lot to be learned and gained just from being in their presence. Let's cut right to the chase and look at a few concrete examples of how helping others has a high return on the investment of your time…

Years ago I worked at an after school program where the teens would often ask about employment opportunities. I'd built a relationship with them, so they trusted me when I told them that there weren't currently any opportunities, but they should volunteer in the meantime. Sure enough, after a few months we were awarded grant money to pay teen staff and since those particular young people had been diligently volunteering, they were first in line to get hired. How can you apply this example to your life? Are you seeking employment? You’re never too young or too old to be an intern and you can work your way up. Most major executives started out this way.

Now let's take a look at my writing career. In college I studied elementary education and then social work. I'd never taken a writing class. But I knew that I wanted to write and publish a book...so as soon as I moved back to Detroit I immediately began volunteering for the Motown Writers Network. I basically latched myself on to the founder, Sylvia Hubbard, and volunteered to help her in any way that I could. Now over ten years and five books later, any time she comes across an awesome opportunity for a book signing, speaking engagement, publishing opportunity or whatever, guess who the first person that she calls is? So as if all of the valuable information that I’ve learned by helping her over the years wasn’t reward enough, I also get ongoing perks that continue to help me to grow my business and my brand. If it wasn't for my giving there is NO way that I'd be as far along as I am today. Is there an industry that you would like to learn more about? If you volunteer for some of that industry’s major events you can forgo the registration costs but still learn all of the valuable information while you are helping.

When some people hear the concept of doing something for free it sounds foreign to them or even absurd, but what they fail to realize is that when you give, you benefit as much or more than the person that you are helping.

Think about it like this. Let’s say you charge $30 per hour for consulting and you help someone with what they are dealing with for two hours. Your profit will end at that $60 if you even get the contract. Now if you volunteer to help someone the rewards and benefits you get are often infinite. It may lead to referrals for more contracts, paid speaking engagements, or free access to things that you might have otherwise had to pay for equaling thousands in profit or money saved. Your helping for free just keeps on giving in ways that hold far more value than that mere $60. Now I’m not suggesting that you not know your worth and charge accordingly for it, I’m just making sure that you are aware of the powerful impact and benefit of simply offering your free gift of help.

This week I challenge you to reach out and help someone. Simply ask, “How can I help or support you?” Pick someone who has successfully achieved some of the goals that you hope to achieve. Think Big! Target the top 5 people that you have been watching and hoping to someday achieve what they have. I’ll be tackling this challenge by trying to meet a millionaire mentor. In the midst of my helping them, I can pick their brain to see how they got to where I want to be.

After you’ve done all you can, try a new approach. Help IS the way.

TAG! You're It!

2011-08-11T14:24:00.000-07:00

Think of the game called Tag that we used to play when we were children. You run for your life from the person that's “It” like getting caught by them is the worst thing in the world...the worst thing that could possibly happen. We don’t stop to think about what happens when we get caught. The reality is that the outcome is not that bad at all. When you get caught YOU become “It” and now you have the power.

Now think about how this parallels with our lives. We often run from our problems, namely bill collectors or facing hard choices and decisions that we must make.

Take your power back! Stop running from your fears and problems and turn around and start chasing and pursuing them. I’ve been doing this for the first half of this year and it’s not only been far less painful than I thought it would be, but it’s actually been quite liberating. Set up payment arrangements, see if there are opportunities for settlements, talk to people about how you feel, make those hard decisions and stick to them... When you face your problems and your fears head on, they are nowhere near as frightening as they seemed when you were running and hiding.

It’s time to take responsibility for the fact that our fears are often our fault. Yes, bill collectors may be a little rude and snippy at times, but hey, they’re just doing their job. We are the ones that did not keep our word, or pay our bill, or who bought something we knew we really couldn’t afford.

Fear only has the power that you give it. Just like a car, it can’t go anywhere or do anything unless you give it the fuel. So this week I challenge you to stop running, turn around and chase your fear right back. These days, as I work diligently to repair my credit, the bill collectors are my friends, not my enemies. I call them regularly to see what type of deals I can work out with them and I even go as far as joking with them while I’m on the phone with them. I keep it pleasant and positive and they often have no other choice but to reciprocate those delightful behaviors.

What are you running from? Take your power back TODAY….TAG! You’re IT!

Under Book and Over Look

2011-06-20T21:54:00.000-07:00

Lately I’ve been exploring meditation in an attempt to quiet my ever racing mind. I’ve also heard that prayer is you talking to God and meditation is you sitting back quietly to listen for His response. So now, instead of rambling on my long prayers and going about my day immediately after, I’ve tacked on some meditation time at the end of each prayer to listen to what God has to say back to me.

One day last week I set aside some very intentional quiet time to really get deep into the prayer and meditation. In so many words, the response that I got during my meditation was, “You’re doing too much.” This made so much sense because I’ve come to realize that I tend to over book myself. This doesn’t mean that I’m scheduling things at the same time, but I’m not really giving myself time to thoroughly breath, reflect, and rest in between appointments and engagements.

I’ve come to learn that just because a block of time is not filled on your calendar or in your day planner, it doesn’t mean that it’s really available. I’ve had days where I schedule appointments, book signings, meetings and calls back to back to back just because the space is free on my calendar. What I don’t account for is transitions, down time, travel time and the fact that I am not a robot and that I might just get tired somewhere along the way like humans often do.

When I was given the message that I was doing too much, an example was also revealed to me. Now that my business travel is beginning to slow up a bit, I’d decided that I was going to commit to thirty days of focus to tie up a lot of loose ends in my life. God was like, “Why does it have to be thirty days? Why can’t you just start by committing to like two days and see how it goes?” Again, this made so much sense for me because I definitely have a tendency to make grand plans, then I find myself either overwhelmed by them or disappointed with myself because I’ve abandoned them.

Another area where I tend to “do too much” is within my thoughts. I have formed a nasty little habit of sweating the small stuff, instead of focusing on the big picture. Sometimes we all stress ourselves out by thinking about, paying attention to and entertaining some of the most trivial things. Let’s use a dating situation as a common example of this…

A man and a woman are dating. The woman spends a lot of time and energy paying attention to all of the other young ladies that are attracted to or interested in her man. She overlooks the fact that she gets all of his time, attention and affection, and focuses on all of these women that are making comments on his Facebook page or following him on Twitter. Instead of focusing on the positive big picture, she is zeroed in on the insignificant small picture. My advice to here would be,” If you are the quarterback, why in the world are you worried about who’s on the bench?”

Do you see where I’m going with this?

This week I challenge you to UNDER Book yourself for a change and OVER Look the small stuff that doesn’t even matter in the larger scheme of things. As your personal guinea pig for positive change I can assure you that your life will begin to improve instantly.

Get Your Life In Order

2011-06-14T06:04:00.000-07:00

I’ve come to know that the state of my physical space is often a pretty accurate representation of my mental and or emotional state. If my car and my loft are junky, then so is my mind. When I’m off balance, overwhelmed, stressed, or just trying to do too much, all of the things around me become a clear sign that it’s time to slow down and pull things back together. I usually don’t stop to “clean up” until things slow down naturally, but yesterday I began to think...What if we can reverse the effects by flipping the process?

It all boils down to being proactive. What if I began by stopping to take time up front to clean and organize my life? Would that then lend itself to a more clear and organized mind and emotional state?

I decided that I’d give that a try this week. So last night I cleaned up my loft and created a few posters to guide me through the week, the month, and the rest of the year. Take a moment to think about this…What are some practices that we could put in to place to make our lives run more smoothly? Here are a few of my suggestions…

Finances: Create a poster of monthly expenses, (also list due dates and amounts) post them on the wall where you have to look at them every day, and cross them off as you pay them off.

Long Term Planning: Create a poster that is a grid of the next six months with blank columns under each month. Write major goals out individually on Post It (sticky) notes. Place the goals in the columns under the months in which you hope to accomplish the goals. If life happens and you don’t meet one by the due date that you’d planned for, simply move it over to the next month.

Daily Duties: Create a poster similar to the Long Term Planning Poster described above. Instead of months as the column titles, list important components of your life. For me that includes the names of the different companies that I run or consult for, shopping, friends, family and personal. List what needs to be done under each category and cross them off as you accomplish them.

These visual representations of the things that need to be organized and maintained in your life help to keep you on track. Being able to cross them off and see that they have been taken care of gives you a real sense of accomplishment and progress.

You may not adapt any of these techniques, and I don’t encourage you to if you feel that they won’t work for you. BUT this week I will challenge you to come up with one process that will help you to get your life in order, thus improving your mental health and productivity. Engineer yourself for success by beginning with something small and manageable that you know you will stick to. Once you put your new practice into place, sit back and watch how much more smoothly your life will run.

Year of Repair

2011-06-13T13:57:00.000-07:00

What is broken in your life? Is it a relationship with a family member, friend or significant other? Is it your credit or financial situation? Is it your health? Is it your education? Is it you? Take a quick diagnostic check or assessment of your life as it is right now and determine what is in need of repair. If you find that there is more than one thing, prioritize them and zero in on that one thing that is at the top of the list.

This year I came to realize that the area where I was the most broken was financial literacy. And isn’t it ironic that the root word of broken is “broke”. Being “broke” is no more than a mindset or a pattern or behavior that can indeed be broken in a positive way.

In an attempt to fix this area with which I had always been challenged I have officially decided to declare this my “Year of Repair” with a focus on financial literacy. Surprisingly, I have found that as I improve my financial situation through education, awareness and consistent practice of a specific set of action steps, that my self-esteem and confidence have increased and my stress level has decreased. This has in turn freed up my time and energy to align and balance all of the other areas in my life that are in need of repair as well.

As we approach the middle of the year, now is a good time to reflect upon and reassess the goals that we set for ourselves at the beginning of the year. Many of our goals probably spoke directly to the things in our lives that are in need of repair. I just stopped writing this to flip back in my journal to see what my goals were and I realize that I have accomplished four of the eight that I set for myself. I also realize that half of my goals were financial.

This week I challenge you to devote some time to reflecting on where you are in your life, assessing what the challenges or broken pieces are, and beginning to plan for how you want to move forward during the second half of the year. Don’t overwhelm yourself with several projects, simply focus on one thing that you want to repair and go from there.

Here are a few tips to get you started…

1. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. There is probably a friend or colleague right within your grasp that is strong in the area in which you are weak.

2. Study books, magazines, or even documentaries or movies that address the area in which you broken and are striving to repair.

3. Be honest with yourself. A lot of times it’s hard to admit areas where we fall short of even our own expectations. Don’t be afraid to admit your mistakes and take the first small step to changing your life for the better.

Happy Year of Repair!

Simplify Your Life to Live

2011-03-01T18:36:00.000-08:00

“Why are you ALWAYS in such a rush?” These words stopped me in my tracks and made me ask myself the same question. My seven year old nephew said this to me on Friday when I breezed back into town after being gone for a week and only stopped by momentarily to give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He had other plans. He wanted me to sit and play with him and his super hero action figures. So instead of rushing out of the door to run errands, keep appointments, and squeeze in everything that I could before leaving town again on Sunday…I sat down with him and just played.

It was interesting that he said this to me because the previous week I facilitated a training where I asked the participants to talk about their goals and two of them said that their goal was to simplify their life. This stood out to me because usually people have complex personal or professional goals that include losing weight, starting a business, obtaining a degree or writing a book. I realized that for me, simplifying my life might have been just as challenging as any of those other goals.

Sometimes, when we are good at something, it is our natural tendency to feel like that is what we are supposed to be doing and we pour all of our energy into it. I’ve learned the hard way that just because you excel at something, it doesn’t mean that you are supposed to be doing that thing.

There was a point in my life, where I gave time to everything that I was good at…acting, dancing, modeling, community work and youth work. I figured that since all of the things that I was engaged in were positive, then there was no problem with me doing them all. What I came to realize was that stress comes in all forms, not just from negative things or when things are not going your way. You can just as easily become stressed out from doing a whole lot of positive things.

There have been several instances where I took something that I loved, and gave it so much of myself, that I ended up turning myself off to it altogether. I’ll give you an example. I love to dance. Instead of just dancing like no one was watching because it brings me joy, I ended up dancing professionally, and then teaching dance. My joy became work, and I ended up retiring from it. Being a dance teacher was great, but that’s not what I really wanted. I simply wanted o dance. Even though I may have exposed my students to new and wonderful experiences, I ruined it for myself.

I realized that this is a pattern for me. I take something that I love, and end up taking a road that I may not have been meant to take. The problem with this is that when we overdo anything, we end up burning ourselves out. It’s just like food, if you cook it too long, or at too high of a temperature, it burns.

Essentially, it’s all about finding a balance. It’s great to give your all to what you believe in, but don’t spread yourself too thin. I’ve always had a desire in my heart to change the world, so I tend to try to do fifty million different things to accomplish that goal. Eventually I find myself tired and overwhelmed. If I’m feeling that way, what good am I to the people that I hope to encourage?

My point? Keep it simple. At the end of the day, that’s all that matters anyway…the simple things. If you find yourself feeling stressed and overwhelmed more than you find yourself at peace, it may be time to scale back your life. Someone said, “Maybe you need to clear some things off of your plate.” My response was, “Maybe I need to get a smaller plate!”.

This week I challenge you to identify one to three things that you can eliminate from your schedule that will help to simplify your life, thus reducing your stress and anxiety. It may also be a matter of adding something to your schedule, like budgeting your money to make things flow more smoothly for you in the long run, or beginning a workout, such as cardio kickboxing, that will help you to reduce stress.

Once you’ve done this, simply sit back and savor the simple things that truly matter. Play with your children before you look up one day and realize that they are all grown up. Watch the sun rise or set. Color in a coloring book. Watch a silly movie. Read a good book. Talk to a friend on the phone about nothing of importance. Or do what seems to be the most challenging thing of all for most of us busy over achievers…simply sit down. These are the things that make life worth living. Simplify your life and begin to live.

Where is Your Focus?

2011-02-07T14:11:00.000-08:00

Motivational speakers, teachers, business professionals and the like spend a lot of time talking about how important it is to focus. This is true, however, more time might need to be spent talking about what we are focusing on. It is implied that we focus on the positive, but perhaps it needs to be more clearly stated. We have a natural tendency to shift most or all of our focus to negative things such as what we don't have or what is wrong in our lives.

We always talk about how we can't wait to get more money, a better job, a bigger house and so on, but once we get those things are we truly happy with them?

I had to catch myself recently. I am living my dream life right now, but every now and then I find myself slipping into focusing on the negative side of things. I was talking with a friend about how I struggle with anxiety when I travel because I miss my family and friends and I feel like I'm missing out on something back at home. My friend had to snap me back to reality by saying, "You have a life that most people only dream of. Why are you complaining?" I had to stop and say, "You know what, you're right!" I had to place my focus on the fact that I love what I do, my work affords me the opportunity to travel all over the world as a result I am able to live comfortably and help my loved ones.

This week I encourage you to examine subject of your focus. You might be a very focused person but, the question is, “Are you focusing on the right things?” Shift your focus from what is wrong and lacking in your life to more positive matters such as the things that are going well and your vision for personal and professional growth.

Take A Chance On Life

2011-02-01T08:39:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we get so caught up in what we don’t want to happen that we forget to accept and embrace what we do want. This usually happens in two major areas, our work and our love life.

Let’s take a look at our work first. We may be at a job that makes us completely miserable, but we find every excuse under the sun as to why we can’t leave, when just the fact of being miserable alone is reason enough. The main thing we say is that we don’t want to lose the benefits. What will we do if we get sick? What will we do if we get in a car accident? Well the first thing that I learned about working in a toxic environment is that I never got sick until I started working there, so yes, if you continue to work in an unhealthy environment, you just may need to go to the doctor. I also learned that in a lot of cases, benefits were not the magic answer. I learned that the hard way when my benefits didn’t cover the services that the dentist convinced me needed to be done before I could get a basic check-up and cleaning. As for the car accident, God forbid, if you even have to get treated, then you’ll just have to pay off your bill in installments, just like you do many other bills that aren’t covered by your health benefits.

Sometimes when we hold on to something like a miserable job, we don’t allow room for the new amazing job, investment opportunity, or new business venture to come into our lives. We are so fixated on our circumstance that we can’t see the other awesome possibilities that are all around us. I took on a mantra a couple of years ago and I constantly have to remind mind myself…”Stop complaining and do something about it. If you’re not going to do anything to make the situation better, then shut up!”

The same is often the case with love. We say we want this wonderful, honest, good looking, and hardworking mate but when we meet that person, we are suddenly scared. We are scared to be hurt or disappointed or we begin to feel like it must be too good to be true. Don’t you know that you will get what you ask for if you believe that you will receive it? But keep in mind that that goes both ways. You may be with that person now, or you may still be waiting. If you are waiting, prepare yourself now to be ready for what you asked for. If you’ve never had it, it will certainly take some getting used to. If you have it, don’t sabotage it by not believing that you deserve it, or waiting for something to go wrong. Savor every moment and receive the blessing that you’ve been praying and asking for.

This week I challenge you to take a look at your work and love life and ask yourself if you are giving both a fair shot. Will you complain or sabotage? Or will you make the necessary changes and embrace the goodness? Take a chance on life. Take a chance on love. Take a chance on happiness.

What Are You Chasing?

2011-02-01T08:37:00.000-08:00

Take a moment to take an inventory of how you spend your time. Most likely you spend some, if not the majority of your time going after something. That thing may be money, a mate, or a goal. Having your sights set on something to strive toward can be a great thing. The question is, are you going after the best thing for you?

When it comes to life, love and even success, there is something about the chase that is very exciting. We like to go after what’s challenging, what we are told that we can’t have, or what may seem unattainable. In many instances this is a good thing, but is what you are chasing, what you are supposed to have?

Are you missing something that you are supposed to get by chasing something that you are not supposed to have?

We have a tendency, often subconsciously, to try to manipulate and control our lives. We see something we want and then we create every excuse that we can as to why it is what we are supposed to have. As a result, we often find ourselves in situations that may not be healthy for us. So it’s important to take time to think through our decisions and our choices to make sure that in trying to pursue what we want, we are not missing out on what we are supposed to have.

This week I challenge you to analyze your current circumstance. What are you chasing? Does it want to be caught? If you stop chasing it, will it chase you? When it’s something that you’re supposed to have, it will most likely come when you stop looking. Make room for your blessings by opening up your mind and your heart to receive them. Sometimes that means just being still and waiting faithfully and patiently. Take a break from the chase so that you can get what you are supposed to have.

Harm0nie.com Interviews with Monica Marie Jones

2011-01-27T19:52:00.000-08:00

Is Your Thinking Stinking?

2011-01-17T08:53:00.000-08:00

Yesterday at church the pastor said that when you are going through hell…the only way that hell could have gotten inside of you or your home is through your mind. His words were exactly what I needed to hear because I’d been dealing with negative thoughts all week to the point where I was losing sleep. As much as I motivate and encourage others, I was slowly being taken out by entertaining negative thinking.

It all boils down to fear and we know that fear and faith can’t co-exist. I don’t mean to recap his whole sermon, but he was so on point that I’d be doing you an injustice if I didn’t share. The other profound point that he made had to do with faith. He said that there are three things that need to be in place in order for faith to be faith: 1.) Believe it 2.) Speak it. 3.) Act on it.

Believe it

See yourself in the future. Whatever it is that you want to happen…you must believe that it will. Visualize it. Picture it. Draw it if you have to. Think of it as already being yours.

Speak It

We often underestimate the power of our words. You will begin to see what you say so choose your words wisely and keep them positive.

Act On It

We can believe it and speak it all day, but if we don’t act on it, we might as well go right on back to living in fear or allowing hell into our home and into our mind. Another important point that the pastor made is that sometimes the corresponding action to the faith is to “shut up and wait.” So think about what the proper actions are that will go along with what you are believing for.

I’m usually extremely positive, but last week I was all out of character. I had to check myself. It all came down to changing my thinking. Now, when negative thoughts try to enter my mind, I picture myself swatting them away with a tennis racket. That may seem silly, but hey, it works for me so I encourage you to do what works for you.

This week, I want you to check yourself to make sure that you aren’t allowing negativity, fear, self-doubt or any other stinking thinking to seep into your subconscious. Remember, the only way that hell can enter your life is through your thoughts AND the only way that hell can exit your life…is through your thoughts.

Ask for What You're Worth

2011-01-10T08:54:00.000-08:00

When I travel to do consulting or speaking engagements, the clients generally cover travel expenses. I am often given the option to choose my flight preferences. For those of you that travel frequently, you know that connecting flights can be a nightmare. If your first flight is delayed, then it may make you miss your second flight. Another headache is when you end up in airports and on planes all day because your layover in between flights is so long. Either way, it makes for a stressful and draining day of travel, which often takes away from the energy needed for the performance that you plan to give when you speak, teach or train. So needless to say, my preference is for straight flights.

As I was looking through the flights I realized that most of them had connections. I also noticed that the ones with the layovers were considerably more affordable than the ones that were straight flights on the airline that I usually travel on so that I can accumulate frequent flier miles.

This time I tried something a little different. Instead of feeling bad for choosing a more expensive flight, or trying to save the company money by selecting the cheapest flight, or even sending my top three choices…I simply sent my first choice and left it at that.

As I waited for the response I began searching for my second and third choice because I felt that surely they wouldn’t honor my first request. It was too expensive. I got prepared to accept my fate of having to take a cheaper flight even though all of the departure and arrival times were either ridiculously late or painfully early.

In the midst of my melancholy search I received a response. It was the confirmation for my first choice flight! It was a straight flight on my airline of choice. The client booked it without a question or a concern. They saw the value in my services thus matching the quality that they know I will deliver with the accommodations that they arranged for me. It made me realize that ‘affordable’ and ‘expensive’ are all about perspective. If we want something different for ourselves, we must think differently about ourselves. If I thought of myself as priceless, then I wouldn’t have thought of that flight as being too expensive.

The lesson in all of this is two-fold. The first is that you must know your worth. If you expect and accept less, then that’s exactly what you will get…less than what you are worth. Look at it like this…if someone said, “I want give you some money.” And your response was, “You can give me $5 or $500 or $5000.” Which one do you think they would choose? Most people would probably go with the $5 since you gave them that option. Don’t low ball yourself. Start high because you are worth it. If negotiations are necessary, then so be it, but don’t settle for less than what you are worth. When you ask for less it may cause those who you are communicating with to believe that you are not qualified or confident when it comes to your ability to execute the task.

The second lesson is that you must ask for exactly what you want. You’d be surprised at how often you actually get it. We have not because we ask not. A more common occurrence is that we have not, because we ask for less than what we truly want or are worth.

This week I challenge you to ask for what you want. The worst thing that can happen is that someone can tell you “no”...they can’t kill you. If you don’t know your worth, then perhaps you should take out some time to learn about it. Once you know your worth, adjust accordingly.

How Do You Talk About YOU?

2011-01-03T08:30:00.000-08:00

How do you talk about you? If you hear something so often for so long you start to believe it. Your own voice, whether it's speaking internally or out loud is the one that you hear the most. So as you clear old things out of your life and bring in new things, you may want to remodel how you speak about and to yourself.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard people say, “I feel so ugly” or “I’m fat”. I might as well just start responding to them by saying, “You sure are,” because what we speak seeps into our subconscious and subliminally hypnotizes us into believing what we are saying, then as result we end up becoming those things…even if it is only in our own mind. No matter what others see, when we look in the mirror, we only see what we’ve spoken ourselves into being.

Even more detrimental than negative self-talk that focuses on physical appearance is when people defeat themselves before they even try by speaking negatively about their ability.

For years I taught dance to young people and I got to a point where I had to ban the words, “can’t” and “don’t” from my classroom. I told my students that those were curse words. They took it so seriously that when a new student came and said one of those words, or an existing student slipped up, there would be a collective “ooooooooh”. ..that sound we make when someone is about to get in trouble.

I had those children convinced that those were two more four letter words to add to the list of profanities that they weren’t supposed say. But if you look at the term ‘curse word’ literally, it is like we are putting a curse on ourselves when we speak so negatively. I would ask those young people, “How do you know what you can’t or don’t know how to do before you’ve even tried?”

This New Year, I challenge you to focus on changing the way that you talk to and about yourself. Out with the old negative self-talk and in with the new positive self-talk or affirmations.

“An affirmation is a positive statement of (positive) belief, and if we can become one-tenth as good at positive self-talk as we are at negative self-talk, we will notice an enormous change.” – Julia Cameron, Author of The Artist’s Way

Out With The Old...In With The New!

2010-12-27T09:26:00.000-08:00

This is the last week of 2010. How will you spend it? I plan to spend the time cleaning out my space and my life to make room for the new things that I want to receive in 2011. My issues with clutter usually have to do with my clothes and my linens. I buy new things, but I continue to hang on to the old things even if the quality is poor, things don’t fit, I never wear or use them or if I have several of the same thing. So what’s my attachment to these things? Why can’t I just let go?

This practice is similar to how we live our lives. We hold on to people and things that may not necessarily serve a purpose. In essence, they are really just taking up space. It forces me to wonder, what other more useful, valuable and meaningful thing could be in that space that is already taken?

Every household should have staple items. If we narrow it down to just looking at clothing and linens one major thing comes to mind for me in each category. With the weather getting colder, especially here in Michigan and other places with similar climates, there are a few items that are mandatory at this time of year. Let’s take a literal look at two items: a comforter and a pair of boots. After we look at them literally, then we can liken them to the people and things that we choose to have in our lives.

The primary purpose of a comforter is to keep us warm, but it may also be a security blanket for many. When we personify this, I believe that it is good for us to have one or two people that we can turn to when we feel the need to be comforted. The problem lies in having several people that are comforters in your life. What does this say about you? Are they enabling you? Are you dependent upon them?

Just like with real comforters, one or two good ones will do. Having many more than that means that you probably just use them for show, or they are taking up lots of extra space in your closet. When you have too many people that are comforters, those extra ones are usually ‘yes men’ or ‘yes women’. If someone is always agreeing with you and telling you what you want to hear, how will you ever grow? A true friend or comforter will be caring and kind, but will also always be honest with you and have your best interest in mind.

The purpose of a good pair of boots is to protect your feet by keeping them warm and dry. I have a pair of leather, knee high, kitten heeled boots that I absolutely adore. They are cute, comfortable and they keep my feet warm and dry. The problem is that I wear them so much that I’ve worn both of the heels off. When I walk on hard surfaces it sounds like I have on tap shoes because where there should be heels on my boots, only exposed metal screws remain.

My mother HATES when I wear shoes that have gotten to that point. She’ll say, “How can I say this nicely?” Then she will pause and continue on by saying, “Don’t ever wear those boots again.” I’m not sure how nice that delivery was, but I can understand where she is coming from.

Since boots cover and protect one of the most important parts of our body, I like to think that they represent integrity. This analogy leads to two important questions…

“What do you stand for?” And “What do you walk in?” Your answers to each are unique to you, but I’ll give you my thoughts and or answers for each question.

One of my favorite quotes says, “If you don’t’ stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” There are several things that I stand for and tests of my resolve constantly come my way in those areas. Therefore it is important that I stand strong in my beliefs no matter what. My answer to the second question is simple. I walk in faith. If you are walking in anything else, say fear for instance, then perhaps it’s time to get a new pair of boots.

This final week of the year, I challenge you to think about what old things and people you need to let go of, and what new things and people you want to attract into your life. Spend this week wisely; it just may set the tone for your new year.

Happy Holidays!

2010-12-24T09:05:00.000-08:00

Christmas 1984 with my young brother Ron

Spoiler Alert:

If you still believe in Santa Claus, stop reading this now.

One Christmas long ago I decided to do an experiment. I wanted to find out if Santa Claus was real. We usually leave cookies and milk or other delicious treats out for Santa, but this time I had a plan for something different. Somehow, every year we had a box of chocolate covered cherries. In our family this was equivalent to the dreaded fruit cake. No one liked the chocolate covered cherries. I opened the lonely little box of untouched cherries that sat under the tree and put two of them on a small plate for Santa on Christmas Eve. I reasoned that if my older brother or mother were posing as Santa, they would not eat the chocolate covered cherries and I would finally know the truth.

New Years Eve 2010 with my Younger Brother Ron

The next morning I woke up and the chocolate covered cherries were gone! Instead of diving into opening gifts as I had really wanted to, I opened the box of chocolate covered cherries first. The findings of my experiment were conclusive. No longer were there two empty spaces where I had taken the chocolate covered cherries for Santa. Now it appeared to be that same untouched box with the two candies neatly tucked back in their original places. It was official, Santa Claus was not real.

Now I believe in a higher power that I know is real. There is no experiment that can prove otherwise. I’ve only had constant signs and confirmations that He does exist. He is the real reason that we celebrate this season. That reason is God. Since we focus a whole lot on gifts this season, I’d like to share a quote with you that I read last night.

“Creativity is God’s gift to us. Using our creativity is our gift back to God.”

–Julia Cameron, Author of The Artist’s Way

So this holiday season I encourage you to use your creativity, just as I did when I was a little girl, and unleash all of the wonderful gifts that God has given us. Use it in the gifts that you give for the holidays, use it in your work, use it in your play, and use it for your purpose. In the midst of our giving, let’s give back to God.

Happy Holidays!

Proceed With Confidence

2010-12-20T10:33:00.000-08:00

It is our natural human tendency to proceed with caution. This might be necessary when it comes to blatant safety issues such as slippery floors or poorly lit roads, but what is our excuse for proceeding cautiously when it comes to the things that will improve the quality of our lives?

What do you want or need? Is it a new home? A better car? Employment? A mate? Now think about your approach to that thing that you hope for. Are you aggressively and assertively preparing for and or pursuing it, or are you tip toeing around it timidly hoping that it might happen, but secretly sabotaging yourself by not believing that you’ll ever truly get it. Or even worse, settling for less than what you really want.

Let’s combat this by changing our thinking and our language. Instead of thinking it as simply a want or a need, think of it as something that you believe for. Once you are able to wrap your head around that, begin to visualize yourself in that desired situation.

Now that you’ve got your mind right, it’s time to take a look at how you talk. It may simply be a matter of switching out the word “if” for the word “when”, for example, “When I get a new car, I’m going to pay for full coverage insurance six months in advance.” Isn’t that so much more powerful than saying, “If I get a new car I’m going to try to pay for full coverage insurance, but I might just get no fault insurance at first, because I’m broke.” In one simple sentence, you’ve already defeated yourself before you began.

I don’t think we realize just how powerful our words are. What is in our mind comes out of our mouth, and then goes into our ears and right back into our mind. Now if that message is filled with negativity, self-doubt and fear, then look at the sad self-induced cycle that we get caught up in.

Sometimes our hesitance to speak confidently is a result of our worries about how others view us. Don’t be driven by what other people might think if your vision doesn’t come to pass. It’s not about them, but you never know how hearing your strong faith may encourage or inspire them, so you very well may be doing them an injustice by not believing for what you want to receive and speaking accordingly.

I’ve told my mother the things that I’m going to do for her “WHEN I become a millionaire…” so many times, that when she got her last job she told her co-worker, “I’m only working here until my daughter becomes a millionaire.” You see, the boldness and the confidence that is infused in your words and your thoughts is contagious. You are not only setting up your life to receive the things that you believe for, but you are simultaneously motivating other people to have that same unwavering faith. So today I encourage you to mentally and verbally claim what is yours. Stop proceeding with caution and begin to proceed with confidence.

Trust The Process

2010-12-13T05:54:00.000-08:00

I’ve always tried to control my life. I would subconsciously manipulate situations to work in my favor. I didn’t realize that I was doing it until recently. What I found was that while I might have gotten my way for a moment, my master plans often back fired or failed.

For example, when I am a facilitating Youth Work Professional training, I always have one participant that’s eager to get to the point of it all right away. What they don’t understand is that each workshop agenda has been specifically designed to teach them the new concept or skill in such a way that breaks down and then reveals the pieces in manageable chunks that build upon one another. It’s a process often referred to as scaffolding. This method of teaching and learning makes a far more powerful impact than if I had just dumped all of the information on the students at once.

Initially they don’t understand why I do things the way that I do, but in the end, a light bulb goes off and it all makes sense to them. When I come across a student like this, I have to remind them to ‘trust the process.’ My mother always said, “Everything happens for a reason” and I’ve found that this has always rung true.

Things happen along our journey that are meant to teach us, prepare us, strengthen us and humble us. Let’s take relationships for instance. When we meet someone that we are interested in, we try to pour it on thick right up front. We try to make them notice us, like us or even love us. If they don’t, we’ll take another approach like trying to play the best friend role in hopes that they will then see how awesome we are and automatically fall in love with us. (I’m speaking from experience of things that I know I am guilty of.) Situations like this don’t always end in disaster, but here we are again trying to manipulate a situation instead of just relaxing, having faith and trusting that things will happen the way that they are meant to. Perhaps that person was only placed in our lives for a specific reason. That reason may have not been a relationship at all.

The same is the case with our careers, our circumstances…or even when bad things happen. We have to trust the process as opposed to trying to control the situation and manipulate our desired result. In doing this we often miss a very valuable lesson or even a blessing that was supposed to come out of the situation. Think about how much more fulfilling an experience would be if we allowed it to run its natural course. We could truly sit back and savor the benefits knowing that they are ours authentically, not because we manufactured or manipulated the outcome.

Today I challenge you to take a deep restorative breath, sit back, relax, let go and enjoy the ride. Take things one day, one hour, or even one moment at a time. Savor the journey. Allow your life to lead for a change. Surrender to faith and trust the process.

There is Success in Sitting Down

2010-12-06T05:59:00.000-08:00

We are always on the go. Multi-tasking has gone from a useful skill to use every now and then, to becoming a way of life. Before we are done with one thing, we are already on to another. Well, I’m sure that we’ve all encountered a situation that has proven to us that sometimes life has a way of sitting us right on down.

After graduate school I struggled to find full time employment despite my experience and qualifications. Against my will, it was the first time that I had literary and figuratively been forced to sit down in years. It was at that time that I wrote my first book.

You may have lost something dear to you such as a job, your health, an opportunity, or even a loved one. It knocked you right off of your feet and left you asking, “Why me?” Instead of focusing on what went wrong, clear your head and allow for the space and room in your mind and heart that is necessary to receive the gift that is to come out of the sit down situation.

At the last Essence of Motown Literary Jam and Conference hosted by the Motown Writers Network I had the pleasure of hearing bestselling author, Relentless Aaron, give the key note address. He shared how he had been sent to prison for seven years. Most people would have looked at that as the end, but he treated it as a new beginning and during his time of ‘sitting down’, he wrote thirty books. When he was released, he was offered his first of many opportunities…a fourteen book deal for a quarter of a million dollars.

It’s all about how we look at things. Let me use an activity that we do in one of the trainings that I facilitate to drive my point home. I’m going to list a phrase below and I want you to say that first thing that comes to mind based on what you see…

OPPORTUNITYISNOWHERE

What did you see, honestly? The first thing that many people tend to blurt out is “Opportunity is nowhere.” But if we simply change our perspective ever so slightly we will see, “Opportunity is NOW HERE.”

In essence, it’s important that we don’t look at setbacks that sit us down as the end. These situations may very well have happened for the specific reason of catapulting us farther than we have ever been before. So the next time life sits you down, embrace it and explore the possibilities that you might not otherwise have considered if you were still on the go. There is success in sitting down.

An Attitude of Expectation

2010-11-30T22:51:00.000-08:00

What do you want? What do you need? Now that you've answered those questions, answer this one, Do you believe that you will get those things?

I'll never forget the day that I auditioned to be a backup dancer for Gospel Recording artist, Kierra 'Ki Ki Sheard'. We'd just found out from her choreographer that she was going to do a ten, day three city tour in Japan and she was looking for one more dancer. No sooner than the words had come out of our choreographer's mouth, I was already visualizing myself dancing in Japan. Just before we began I walked over to him and said. "I want to go to Japan."

We performed a series of dances for her and I danced, not as if I was auditioning, but as if I was already her dancer on that stage in Japan. Several factors could have made my belief in myself and my ability waver. I wasn't the size that most dancers are. I was nine years older than her and ten years older than the other backup dancer, and I had absolutely no idea where in the world my passport was. I could have defeated myself before I even began.

She watched us intently with a poker face and whispered back and forth with her existing dancer. When we were done she whispered back and forth with our choreographer. The suspense was intense! When she left, he pulled me to the side and said, "I hope that you have your passport, because you're going to Japan!" Needless to say, the next day I re-applied for my passport and then a few months later I went on that tour which ended up being an awesome and life changing experience.

This may sound cocky, but I believe that I deserve great things. Each morning I walk to my mail box and my post office box thanking God for the good news that's going to be inside before I even open it. This is actually an accomplishment for me because there was a time where I operated in fear and self-doubt, only focusing on the punishments and karma that I thought would come my way for doing things wrong. I'm sure I wasn't alone and I'm also sure that many of you still think and feel this way.

We don't get what we want because we don't believe that we deserve it.

I've come to the conclusion that the only person that can sabotage or foil any of the plans that I have for what I want to achieve is me. The quickest way for me to do that is by not believing in myself. Everything I want, I constantly visualize as already mine. And slowly but surely, and sometimes quickly those things begin to manifest in my life.

Let's not confuse expectation with entitlement. I am grateful for and take great care to maintain and sustain the things that I am blessed with by putting in the necessary work to support my faith. It is also important to be aware that when you ask for something, you put it in writing, or you speak it verbally, you just might get it, so be prepared. We often get what we ask for then don't know what to do with it because we aren't ready for it.

As you work to improve your attitude of expectation make sure that you are simultaneously in a state of preparation. If you want a good mate, work to make yourself great. If you want more money, work to strengthen your financial literacy, reduce or eliminate your debt and be a good steward over what you do have. If you want a new job, start investing in new professional attire now. It's all about your attitude. We attract what we give off. It's the same on the flipside so if you are negative or fearful, prepare to receive just that.

This week I challenge you to change your thoughts, actions and attitudes in such a way that you expect amazing opportunities, relationships, experiences and gifts. Believe that great things are yours to be taken... they are just waiting for you to realize it.

Let It Marinate

2010-11-22T07:45:00.000-08:00

Life is like a piece of meat. In order to get the most out of it, there are certain things that need to be done in order to ensure the best possible flavor, texture and satisfaction. Flavor is all about taste. When you taste something you experience it and life is all about experiences. The challenge is making them high quality and meaningful. Texture is all about the feel of something. In order to live a fulfilled life, we must tend to our feelings in a healthy way as opposed to ignoring, disregarding them or acting on them before we truly understand them. Satisfaction is the culmination of everything because at the end of the day, you want to get the most out of every experience which will lead to you feeling great about yourself and your life. So the question is, how do we make these things happen? Let’s look at how we prepare a piece of meat.

Step One: Clean the meat.

Cleaning out your mind and your life can be as simple as making the time to take a deep, cleansing and restorative breath more than once a day, or as complex as clearing out things and people that may be harmful.

Step Two: Season the meat.

Spice things up! This directly relates to a question that I like to ask myself and others. Are you just living your life, going through the basic every day motions to get by? Or are you experiencing life to the fullest by savoring every moment? Add some variety. If your level of living is on mild, kick things up a notch or two to medium or hot! Have you been wearing your hair straight with a part on the side for years? Adding the seasoning is as simple as adding some curls or cutting in some layers. Seasoning is about change. What can you do to mix things up?

Step Three: Let it marinate.

One of my signature statements when I teach, speak or facilitate a training is, “Let it marinate”. This basically means to take some time to let it sink in so that you can process your thoughts, reactions and ideas about a particular statement or experience. Too often we go through life without stopping to take the time to reflect on our experiences. Reflection is a powerful tool because it helps us to learn and grow by thinking about what went well and what we would change or do differently next time. It also gives us an opportunity to celebrate our successes.

Step Four: Cook the meat.

Cooking the meat represents the actions that we take once we have cleansed, contemplated change, and reflected upon previous experiences. Your cooking, or actions must be well planned and timed. For instance, if we cook meat too long it burns or comes out tough. I liken this to when we spend too much time worrying about things that we cannot change or things that are beyond our control. Or when we sit on an idea or talent too long that we know that we should have released by now to make the world a better place. If we don’t cook meat long enough or at the proper temperature, it may come out raw and ultimately make us sick. This parallels our tendency to make decisions and take actions prematurely. It’s all about timing. There must be a balance.

I could go on and take this as far as eating, digestion and beyond, but I’ll stop at having you consider what the necessary tools are for you to enjoy your dish that is your life. With meat, you’ll need a fork and a sharp knife. What utensils will help you to dig in to your life and cut through the literal and figurative clutter?

This week, my challenge to you is to ask yourself the following questions…

What needs to be cleaned up in my life?

What needs to be changed in my life?

What do I need to spend some time mentally processing?

What is my plan of action?

What tools do I need?

Now let that marinate!

A New Day

2010-11-16T11:53:00.000-08:00

Recently I was talking to a friend and fellow motivator who shared how at his job Monday morning is the absolute worst time of the week due to the fact that everyone is upset and depressed because they don’t want to be there. As positive as he is, one can’t help but be affected by such negative energy as it is contagious. Finally he told me that when my Monday Morning Motivation message pops up in his inbox, it ends up turning his whole day around.

When I decided to do these messages I never could have imagined the impact that they would make. More than one person has told me how research shows that suicide occurs more often on Mondays than any other day of the week because of that sense of dread and depression that is often referred to as the “Monday Morning Blues.”

I look at Monday in an entirely different way. I truly believe that our health, wealth and how we feel about our self depends heavily upon how we perceive things. For example, when I hear the term, Monday Morning Blues, I think of how beautiful a blue sky is or that blue is my favorite color as opposed to the negative connotation that the word blue usually holds. Instead of looking at Monday in a dreadful way, I look at it as a new day and an opportunity for a new beginning that is a gift which we are given each week.

I remember when I was a child, I wanted to ask my mother for something, I can’t recall what it was, but I prefaced it with, “Mom, when it’s 1984 again can I….” She laughed and let me know that years don’t come back around like months and days do.

Every day is a new day and an opportunity to start all over again, but I feel that Monday is the most powerful because it is the beginning.

Re-commit to a life-style change. - Notice that I didn’t say diet. Focus on fitness in a way that is manageable and realistic enough for you to maintain for life.
Do something differently than you did last week. - Use the weekend as a time of reflection on issues that came up throughout the week then use Monday as a day to learn from your mistakes by leaving them behind and moving forward with new goals and action steps.
Begin the journey of letting something go that is not good for you.- Perhaps you want to quit smoking or give up sweets. Monday is a great day to begin and even if you slip up during the week, that’s OK because another Monday is on the way for you to give it another try.

So let’s make this Monday a new day and if you find yourself getting off track as the week progresses just remember…another Monday is only 7 days away.

Pyramid of Purpose

2010-11-08T07:42:00.000-08:00

I love supporting entrepreneurs, but to be completely honest I’ve always been slightly irritated with the pyramid scheme business model. To my understanding, the basic premise is that the CEO sits at the top and makes all of his/her money by getting people to sign on under them. Those people make their money by getting even more people to sign up as well. I’m sure this method works for many, but I’ve never been impressed.

So you can imagine my surprise when someone said that my business of motivating reminded them of a pyramid scheme business model. They pointed out a specific example of how I motivated one person who then went on to motivate another person. In essence, they believe that I have a group of people that I motivate, who then go on to motivate others, and so on. I’d never looked at it that way, but once I was forced to, it didn’t seem quite as bad.

In my early years as an educator and social worker, my goal was to save the world. I quickly realized that this was an unrealistic goal. So I took a step back because I found myself getting far too emotionally attached to and involved in the lives of the children and families that I served. Many nights I’d cry myself to sleep at the mere thought of some of the things that my students had to deal with.

In my mind, saving the world may be unrealistic, but it’s not impossible. I had to re-evaluate how I could accomplish this without expending so much emotional energy and ultimately burning myself out. This is what brought me to being an author and a “Motivator.” (I think that might be my new title now since that’s what they called Iyanla Vanzant when they honored her on the Black Girls Rock special on BET.)

When you share your gift with the world, you have no idea how far the reach and how powerful the impact can be. Think of yourself as the CEO at the top of your own pyramid of purpose. Whether your audience is your family, your co-workers, your clients, or the masses like me, know that you are making an impact that reaches farther than you can see. With this being the case we must operate with integrity, because when you are a person of influence, negativity spreads even more rapidly.

This week, I challenge you to ask yourself a couple of important questions…

“What am I passing down from the peak of my pyramid?”

“Are people genuinely benefiting from what I am offering, or is it ultimately all about me?”

As you answer these questions and begin to pass on positivity, keep in mind that a pyramid is nothing without its base or foundation and that the foundation must be strong in order to get to the top.

B Day

2010-11-06T13:34:00.000-07:00

On November 1st, 32 years ago, at Cook County Lying -In Hospital in Chicago, at 1:44 am, I was born to write these Monday Morning Motivational messages for you.

Birthdays are so much more than just a day to celebrate with gifts and loved ones. Birthdays are our own personal New Year's Day. It's a day to reflect and refresh. A time to think about where we've been and where we want to go. Within that context, I've decided to declare today my B Day, with the letter b standing for far more than just the word birthday. I want to share this day with you by breaking down a few things that I want to focus on for my personal new year as I am sure that you will be able to benefit from focusing on these things too...

"B" stand for...

Balance.

Having an even work-life balance is key for mental and physical health. You may have heard the term, "Work hard, play hard." This is one mantra that I make sure to adhere too. Often times we spend far too much energy on one side of the spectrum or the other. As a result, other things in our life begin to fall out of balance too. I remember hearing someone speak about how a very prominent Pastor schedules his vacation and locks the date in before he schedules any speaking engagements or anything else at the beginning of the year. This is something that we should all do. Don't make play an after thought. Play is an equally important part of the human experience. Making time to play will rejuvenate you and give you the motivation that you need to give it your all when you get back down to business.

Boldness.

One of my new phrases that I like to say is, "Confidence is the new black." When you wear it, it's a really good look. Confidence is not something that you can literally wear externally. You put it on on the inside and it's so powerful that it shines right through you and surrounds you with an amazing aura wherever you go. That state of confidence then translates into the action and attitude of boldness. We need to stop walking around here acting like we don't know that we deserve the best in life. With that being the case, we need to know what it is that we want, then not be afraid to ask for it. We need to open our mouths, speak up, and be more assertive. Everything we've ever wanted, is already ours, it just needs to be taken. But to get it, we must be bold.

Boundaries.

When we don't set boundaries, other will set them for us, and I can guarantee that the one's that others set will not be in our best interest. We need to begin to set healthy boundaries when it comes to work, family and friends. If we continue to over extend ourselves we will be of no good to anyone and we will be particularly harmful to ourselves. A few years back I wrote a blog in January called, "Happy NO Year" because the best way to begin to set boundaries is by learning to say "No." Even beyond that, we must realize that when we say "No" that we don't have to follow it with an explanation. Simply saying "No" is enough.

Today I challenge you to live a balanced life boldly within healthy boundaries. Happy B Day!!!

Harvest Time!

2010-10-25T11:17:00.000-07:00

Many seeds are edible. Therefore they serve a dual purpose. They can be eaten and they can be planted. If we eat them they give us satisfaction for a moment, some nourishment, and a limited supply of energy. If we plant or sow them, they will multiply and reap an abundant harvest.

Now think about the seeds that are in your life. What do you do with them? Are you looking for a quick fix or long term benefit?

Photo by Nicole Ashley Allen

The seeds in our lives are our money, time, talents, and energy. Figuratively eating those seeds translates to things like get rich quick schemes, rapid weight loss, and other means of instant gratification. We don’t want to wait. We want it all now. What we fail to realize is that by indulging in the small pleasure now, we are actually taking a huge loss in the long run.

Imagine how much more we could have if we planted those seeds. Imagine how infinite the possibilities would be if we invested our money, time, energy and talents into things that would cause them to grow and flourish as opposed to dead end situations, things and people that reap no harvest.

Here is an example of eating the seed versus planting the seed that I want you to consider. Think about which side of the spectrum you are currently operating in, and then think about where you want to be…

You spent $500 in a weekend on an outfit, some shoes, eating out at restaurants, buying drinks, paying cover charges, and parking fees. You looked good, had a funky good time, ate well, and drank well. The next morning you have a headache, perhaps a temporary one from a hangover, or maybe the start of a lingering one from a consequence that was a result of your actions. The fun is over. You ate the seed.

You invested $500 in real estate by placing a bid, or going in with a partner to acquire a low cost property in your city. Once you own the property, you rehabilitate it, and sell it for three times more than what you invested, which is still be affordable. Now you have simultaneously improved your community, created an opportunity for a family to be home owners and made a profit that you can now invest into something else. You planted the seed.

Eating the seed is easy because we believe that it’s safe, secure and it feels good right now. Planting the seed is scary because it feels like a risk. Like faith, once we plant that seed, it becomes something that we cannot see immediately. But just because we can’t see it, does that mean that it’s not there? Taking the planting route may be difficult at times. Things may occur in the process that knock us down or beat us down to the ground, but remember, it is from the ground where all things grow and there is nowhere to go from there but up.

Before this year comes to an end, I challenge you to plant a seed that you might have otherwise eaten. If you want the harvest, you must sow the seed.

Wardrobe Malfunction

2010-10-18T09:39:00.000-07:00

When I was in college, I was a member of the Phi Sigma Pi Co-ed National Honor Fraternity. Each year we would travel to a different state to attend the annual convention. A few friends and I were in the hallway of our hotel waiting for everyone to finish getting ready for a social event that evening when I decided to break out into an impromptu free style dance routine. I decided to do a little move that we might refer to as dropping it like it’s hot which basically entailed dropping down into a deep squat and coming back up rather quickly, then repeating that over and over again. While I was doing this move I was singing a line from the song, Tootsie Roll. “Dip baby dip! Dip baby dip!” Two dips in, the crotch of my jeans ripped from knee to knee. Yes…you read that correctly, I said knee to knee because it burst wide open at the seam in an arc that spanned from one of my knees to the other. When it ripped, it made a popping sound that was so loud that someone came out of the hotel room and said, “What was that noise?” They had heard the sound inside the room even though the door was closed! Needless to say, from that point on my nick name was “Rip baby rip! Rip baby rip!”

There are three major wardrobe malfunctions that might occur that can turn a lovely day into a devastating one. In addition to a ripped crotch I’d say that the other two most common ones would be a broken heel or a major stain. In my little overactive imagination our wardrobe, or what we wear represents our life or our business. We come up against setbacks which can be embarrassing or debilitating as well as a major blow to our confidence.

Our heels represent our platform or what we stand for. It reminds me of a powerful quote, “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” In business and in life it is imperative that we know what our foundation is and that we stand firmly and strongly upon it. If it is weak, like the broken heel, we will be thrown off balance. We want be able to walk tall but with one broken heel, that will be hard to do. Depending on when, where and how our heel breaks, we may even get hurt. These three things translate to the fact that we must be consistent (balance), operate with integrity (walking tall), and have an intentional plan for maintaining physical and psychological safety (because we might get hurt).

The rip in the crotch represents being exposed. Unfortunately, when it comes to business and life, the better that we do, the more people try to find things that are wrong with us. Now we can try to tie a coat around our waist, which represents hiding, but that won’t change the fact that our crotch is still wide open. For that reason, the approach that I’ve found to be most effective is transparency. “Hey ya’ll, would you believe I just ripped my crotch!” When I train and teach, I’ve found that people appreciate and relate to honesty. We are not all perfect and we don’t always have all of the answers and that’s okay. Therefore I recommend authenticity at all times.

I also believe that if anyone is going to drop a big story on me, it’s going to be me. You can’t blackmail me if I willingly share the information, and if I’m planning on engaging in something that I’m too ashamed to willingly share…then perhaps, I should consider another route. Even if what you’ve been through carries a stigma or is looked down upon, you never know how you are being a blessing to someone else who needs to know that they are not alone.

Finally, a stain or your clothing represents a mistake. As much as we try to avoid them, we all make them and just like certain substances that we soil our clothing with, they are often hard to simply wash away. In such a case we must look at it as an opportunity to learn. For example, if I know that my colleague often animatedly talks with his hands, then I know not drink red wine near him when I have on a white shirt. If we look at that from a real life and business perspective it simply means that we try new things, and if they don’t work, we use that knowledge to inform our future choices and decisions. Don’t waste a moment wallowing in guilt or shame. Take that mistake and count it as a necessary test or trial that was a mandatory prerequisite to your inevitable success.

This week I challenge you to answer the following questions. What do I stand for? How can I effectively deal with being exposed (talked about or criticized) in a way that is meaningful for me? How can I turn my mistakes into opportunities for learning?

Wardrobe malfunctions are a part of life. Plan accordingly.

You've Got Me, Who's Got You?

2010-10-18T09:32:00.000-07:00

I'll never forget the scene from one of the old Superman movies where Lois Lane was falling through the sky when Superman swooped down, seemingly from out of nowhere, to save her. What was most memorable about that scene for me was what she said,

"You’ve got me...Who’s got you?"

Basically, she wanted know, if he was saving her, then who was saving him? That makes me think about many of us who have a tendency to try to save the world at the expense of ourselves. We do this without any super powers and believe that we can come out unscathed. The truth of the matter is that we may not only be hindering the growth of those that we love, but we may also be harming ourselves in the process.

The same is the case with athletic icons. People idolize Michael Jordan, Lebron James, Kobe Bryant and the like, but those men as individuals would not be able to go up against the opposing team to win the game alone. There is a team of people behind them, whose names we may not even know, that support them on the path to victory.

Are you a self-appointed superman or a superwoman, always flying to the rescue of those in need around you? If so, who is looking out for you? Even the man of steel has a weakness...kyrptonite. Kryptonite is the only thing that can weaken and ultimately kill the otherwise invincible man. If this seemingly invulnerable man has something that can take him out, then why do we feel that we are exempt? Your kryptonite may come in the form of physical or mental illness, loss or grief, or unexpected hardships that come your way. Or, quite simply, life and all of the responsibilities that you’ve take on will eventually wear you down. With this being the case it is important that you have someone or something to rescue you too.

So, the question is...Who's got you?

The first step is simple. Let God do His work. You may think you can save the world, but the first thing that I quickly learned as a social worker is that you can't. Of course we can make a difference and an impact in many major ways, but we must face and accept the fact that no matter how hard we may try, we cannot save the world. If you truly want God to move in your life and the lives of others...then get out of His way.

The next step is to identify a sturdy support system. This is a network of people that serve as a safety net that can catch you when you fall or a scaffold that can assist you in reaching higher heights. This can vary from an army of one, to a starting lineup of five or an all-star dream team of twelve or more. Find people that add value to your life in that they have strengths in areas where you are weak. These are people that have the strength and wisdom to steer or pull you away from substances and situations that might destroy you.

So this week I challenge you to take a step back and observer your behaviors and habits when it comes to trying to be everyone’s everything. The next time you are in the midst of saving someone imagine them turning to you and saying, “You’ve got me…who’s got you?”

Beyond The Advance

2010-10-04T10:55:00.000-07:00

As soon as trouble comes, we want to be rescued right away. When we are working at something, we want the payment before the work has been completed. Therefore, it is safe to say that most of the time we want all of the rewards, answers and solutions for our problems and our work right up front. We settle for Mr. or Misses Right Now. We take credit cards and loans with high interest rates. We want to lose ten pounds in ten days. We devour fast food while on the go. What we often fail to think about is what this obsession with expediting our life, experiences and allowances might actually cost us. If you are going through some type of trial right now, you probably want the answer, the victory, or you just plain old want things to get better right now…but sometimes, waiting until after the storm to see the sunshine and the rainbow makes it worth the wait.

Talented authors and musicians often get hefty monetary advances for book and record deals. This means that they get a lump sum of money up front, which will be made back once their books or records begin to sell. It seems like a sweet deal, and quite often is, but, if the advance is not made back in sales, then the artist does not receive anything above and beyond it. They do not get the overflow.

An advance may sound like the best things since sliced bread, but let’s look at it from another angle…

When I visited the "And Still We Rise" exhibit at the Charles H. Wright Museum of African American History in Detroit, the charismatic tour guide led us through each area and taught us tons of interesting tid bits that confirmed for me how much our history informs our present state of being.

In 1862 the current president, Abraham Lincoln, issued an executive order to free slaves. It was called the Emancipation Proclamation. Sad to say, many slaves never experienced true freedom because their owners had another plan in mind. Most of the slaves were held because of the debt that they owed to their master's. The owners had the audacity to say that since they provided food, clothing and shelter for the slaves, that they had to work off that debt before they were truly allowed to be free.

Upon hearing this I made an immediate correlation between the happenings around the Emancipation Proclamation then, and the music industry now. Artists are given weighty advances, fancy cars, clothing and jewelry upon signing a record deal. The allure of it all prompts eager singers and rappers to sign thick contracts without reading the fine print. Once the record drops and millions of copies are sold, the rising star is left wondering why they are seeing little to no profit from all of their hard work.

What they fail to realize is that they are in fact paying for all that they were afforded in advance. The company deducts the advances and expenses from the profits made from the units sold.

So very similar to the situation with the slaves, we may think that we have made it big time by getting big things quickly, but what we are really faced with is a big time disappointment as we work to repay a debt that we never asked for in the first place. This might also correlate to authors who sign major book deals. All of this goes to show that in many instances, up front advances, quick fixes and easy answers come at a much higher cost.

Now that I’ve got you thinking, I want you to relate this to your life. I want you to think about how when we have a problem, we want the solution right away. We may get that answer or incentive, and it may be good, but what we don’t realize is that what we could have gotten on the other end is far more valuable. We don’t go through anything in vain. Everything that we experience is for a reason. As soon as things go wrong, we run to God and want him to fix it on the spot. If He does not, we get upset and feel that He does not hear our cries. We don’t trust Him, so we look for that quick fix instead.

If we just trust Him and wait to get through something, then we will come out in the end equipped with strength, patience and knowledge in addition to a desired income that will exceed our expectations. Since we’ve put in the hard work, the sweat and the tears, the payment that we receive, or the solution to our problem is so much more savory. Sometimes we just have to wait patiently to see what is beyond the advance. Why settle for good when you can have great?

If the answer to your problem is not coming as quickly as you would like, it’s ok! Know that an even sweeter deal is on the way.

Shed The Skin You're In

2010-09-27T08:30:00.000-07:00

Every now and then there comes a time where we need to leave old things behind. Comfort makes it so that we don’t want to let go, but sometimes letting go is necessary in order for us to grow.

Think about that pair of jeans that you love. It may be too big, it may be too small, it may be worn and tattered...either way it’s beyond time to get a new pair. We hold on to it because it’s what we know and it fits us, or at least used to fit us just the way we like it. Jeans that are too tight sometimes even stretch with us as we grow because we wear them so much. We think that new jeans just wouldn’t be the same. Then one day, you’re out in public and the button pops off, or the zipper breaks, or the crotch or inseam rips. We wait until some major upheaval occurs before we finally give in and say, it’s time for a new pair.

This is much like our lives. Many times we stay in a situation because it’s comfortable, it’s what we know, and it seems safe. But the truth is, if we stay in that same place...how will we ever grow? It makes me think about snakes. According to wisegeek.com, “Snakes shed their skin to allow for growth, as well as to remove parasites along with their old skin.” Think about that for a moment.

If we are trying to symbolically stay in our old skin, it binds us so that we cannot grow. Our old skin has also accumulated parasites and other harmful things which we need to rid our system of. Those parasites could represent things like bad habits or behaviors that we need to turn away from.

Once a snake goes through the shedding process, its old worn scales are replaced with new healthy skin. This can occur anywhere from every few weeks to once a year. When you think of the skin that you need to shed, it can range from simple to complex. It may mean donating all of the old clothes that you no longer wear and replacing them with new clothes. Or it may mean walking away from a very comfortable yet stagnant or difficult situation.

In order to successfully shed the skin you’re in, it’s important to be honest with yourself. We often make excuses and try to convince ourselves that we are just fine where we are, but if we look at the situation truthfully and honestly we will find that we may in fact be hanging on to layers upon layers of old skin. We also tend to wait for something to happen (Like the jeans ripping that I mentioned earlier) to give us that push or that reason. We don’t need an excuse to grow. The fact that it’s just due time should be reason enough.

Once the old skin has been shed...leave it behind. When snakes leave their skin behind, it is still intact, but you don’t see them turning back to try to squeeze back into their old set of scales, do you? They move on and continue going through life with the new healthy skin.

When was the last time you shed the skin you were in? This week, I encourage you to take a good hard look at yourself and determine if there are some layers that need to be shed.

Take Your Medicine

2010-09-20T08:25:00.000-07:00

Monica Marie Jones with Eric Jerome Dickey

Last week I made a spur of the moment decision to attend a literary conference in Kansas City, Missouri. I immediately paid for the conference and my hotel room in advance to make sure that I didn’t change my mind. After researching the price of flights I’d decided that I’d rent a car and drive the thirteen plus hours all on my own. On the day of the trip, I realized that based on how busy my week leading up to the trip was and how demanding my week after the trip would be, that I’d gotten myself into a pretty ambitious undertaking.

I must admit that as the trip neared, worry and anxiety began to set in as I faced the reality of finances, time and the fact that I was tired and trying to beat a cold. As much as I am a cheerleader for faith, I began to waver and I wasn’t quite sure how I would pull this trip off if I could make it happen at all. All the while I prayed and in response I simply heard, “Trust Me.”

A concerned friend began to go back and forth with me about how it wasn’t safe for me to drive that long distance alone. So after arguing that I was a trooper because I had driven that distance and longer on my own several times, I decided to at least check to see if there were any good deals on last minute flights. As I looked over all of the outrageous prices, it occurred to me to check on the status of my frequent flyer miles to see if I was eligible for a reward flight.

A reward flight to Kansas City would cost me 25, 000 frequent flyer miles. I had 25, 009. On the day that I was schedule to hit the road, I was able to book a FREE, non-stop, round trip flight that was only two hours in duration as opposed to the thirteen plus hours that I would have had to drive one way. It was clear to me that this leap of faith was one that I was meant to take.

This particular conference was filled with some of my favorite authors. These were famous authors that I’d grown up reading, authors that have made the New York Times and Essence Bestsellers list on multiple occasions. I whisked in and greeted them all personally as if they had been family that I hadn’t seen in a while and they embraced me equally so. Well into the long Saturday full of workshops, panels and intense conversations, I realized that I was so engaged, that not a single worry had crossed my mind.

I was so into what I was doing that the things that usually occupy my thoughts such as finances, relationships, responsibilities, and concern for family had not even attempted to enter my mind. It was at that very moment that I came to understand a simple truth that can help and heal us all of the toxic feelings of worry, fear and anxiety.

Being immersed in what you love makes you forget about the things that aren’t right in your life. It erases your worries and allows you, if only for a moment...to be free. It’s like the serum to personal freedom. It is a feeling like no other...one that we should be intentional about making happen in our lives on a regular basis.

The remedy is simple.

Identify It

Identify the thing or things that you truly love and are passionate about.

Create It

Create regular experiences or opportunities for yourself where you are immersed in that thing that you love.

Capture It

Savor the experience while you are in it, and capture it so that you can revisit it if you need to. This can be done through taking notes, journaling, taking pictures or reflecting on the experience afterward.

This week I challenge you to set aside some time to immerse yourself in that hobby, that project, that class....Take that trip...Spend time with that person...Whatever it is for you, make it happen, if only for a moment, and watch how you will be almost instantly alleviated of the day to day woes that often plague your heart and your mind.

Worry, fear and anxiety are the illness. The antidote is immersing yourself in what you love. Get health. Get happy. Get whole.

You Are The Boss Of You

2010-09-13T05:16:00.000-07:00

Monica Marie Jones

We have a tendency to torture ourselves. We over book ourselves. We take on more than we can handle. We help other people more than we help ourselves. Do any of these behaviors sound familiar?

What I have eventually come to realize is that in the past I made my life a lot harder than it had to be. Sometimes we take our lives and ourselves way too seriously. As an entrepreneur, I am my own boss. But as people, we are all the bosses of our own lives. Therefore, we have the power to make our lives work for us.

How can you readjust your day to day routine to reduce unnecessary stress? Here are a couple of simple suggestions...

Pay Yourself First

When I say this, I don't just mean money. Time and energy are just as valuable as money. Do something for yourself first, before you begin to think about what needs to be done for the children, what needs to be done around the house, or what you need to do for work. Each day, I exercise first, which sets a nice tone for the rest of my day and helps me to have more energy, less stress, and peace of mind in knowing that I took care of myself first.

It doesn't have to take two hours. It may just be that you spend the first five minutes of your day in prayer, enjoying your favorite breakfast, or reading a chapter of a juicy novel. When we neglect ourselves and put all of our energy into others, resentment begins to creep in and take over our joy. When you put yourself first, if only for a moment, you will feel much better about the things that you do for everyone else.

Make Time For Fun

Some people play too much, but most people don't play enough. Play is an integral part of the human experience. So make some time for fun, or those things that you've always wanted to do. Reintroduce spontaneity into your life.

Go to a carnival, arcade or movie with your mate. Read a book for enjoyment instead of business or school. Make a spur of the moment decision, throw caution to the wind and just do it! This week I made a last minute decision to attend an out of town literary event next weekend where some of the biggest authors in the business will be in attendance. I figure that since I want to be the best, then I'd better surround myself with the best. So I've decided to embark upon this adventure before I begin to create a thousand reasons why I shouldn't go. Now that I've registered for the conference and booked my room, I feel so excited! I'm excited not only about the experience, which I know will be awesome, but I am excited about taking such a huge leap of faith and doing something that I know that I will enjoy.

This week I challenge you to come up with a simple and manageable plan to make your life work for you. You are the boss of you, so take charge and adjust accordingly.

Experience Life!

2010-09-06T03:16:00.000-07:00

Live. Laugh. Love!

I think while I sleep. My mind continues to work long after I am deep within slumber's grasp. This is why I sleep with two journals and my laptop in the bed next to me and a pen on the night stand. This quote woke me up out of my sleep on Sunday morning...

"Live to experience, not to avoid...but do so in such a way that the mirror is your friend and not your foe."

We spend a lot of time in life suspended in a state of avoidance. We live to avoid what is often inevitable instead of savoring moments, engaging in experiences, appreciating the arts, enjoying relationships and celebrating life.

In trying to avoid things, most of which are beyond our control, we expend the majority of our energy, which is a precious resource that is only borrowed and at some point must be given back.

We don't let people get close to us, especially the ones that we might really care about or potentially fall in love with, to avoid being hurt.

We don't take on or tackle the careers or the professional goals that we have in order to avoid failure.

We don't ask for what or who we want to avoid being rejected.

Essentially we torture ourselves by constantly operating in avoidance mode as opposed to being present and in the moment...Instead of fully experiencing life right now. Now when I say Experience Life, I don't mean going straight buck wild. We have to be able to live with our choices and decisions. A guest pastor that spoke at church said, "We go to bed with one of two things, results or regrets." Which one sounds like the better bed mate?

In experiencing life we have to be able to look ourselves in the mirror, hence the second part of my quote above.

This past weekend I made the conscious decision (and a pact with a friend) to begin to experience life to the fullest. There is so much out here to love, but we often don't even realize it because of our tendency to focus on the negative. The very thing that we are trying so hard to avoid may be the very thing that is the key to our breakthrough. I often tell the participants that come to the trainings that I facilitate to, "Trust the process." We get so wrapped up in the outcomes that we miss the best parts of life...the process...the experience. As we approach this new season I challenge you let go of your need to control everything in order to avoid what you don't want to happen. I challenge you to focus on the experience of life.

Please Pass The Activator

2010-08-30T08:07:00.000-07:00

Ok, let’s be honest…out of everyone that is reading this, who had a Jheri Curl? For my younger subscribers who were born after the eighties, this might be a foreign term to you. If so, simply Google “Michael Jackson with Jheri curl” and you should find a plethora of pictures and definitions. According to Wikipedia, “The Jheri curl is a hairstyle that was common and popular in the African American community. Invented by and named for Jheri Redding, the Jheri curl gave the wearer a glossy, loosely curled look.” Now don’t get it twisted. That glossy shine by no means came easy. The harsh mixture of chemicals that were needed to make this look possible often left the user’s hair in an extremely brittle and dry state. In order to bring those juicy curls to life, Michael Jackson and all of those that followed suit with the popular hairstyle from the 1980’s had to add a product called activator.

Now think about that major dream, vision or goal that you have for your life. Can you picture it? Some of you may be living it right now, but for many of you, it is only a dream, vision or goal in your mind or on paper that has no life. So what’s the difference? What is missing? What do those that are living in their dreams have, that the rest of you do not? The secret ingredients are Faith and Belief. Until you add those things to your dreams…they are dead. You need faith and belief to bring your goals to life. Faith and belief are the activators that add the juice to your vision, thus making it a reality.

These two ingredients create an activator that gives your life that shine…no longer lying dormant, dull and lifeless.

If you don’t have the activator, you may as well not speak about it.

If you don’t have the activator, you may as well not write about it.

If you don’t have the activator, you may as well not waste time daydreaming about it or visualizing it.

Sometimes we are not even aware that our style is dry and crunchy.

We say things like, “I really want to go to back to school BUT…”

“I really want this job BUT…”

You might as well finish those sentences with, “…BUT….I don’t believe.” Or “BUT…I don’t have faith.”

We defeat ourselves before we even begin with our little faith and lack of belief. If you find yourself speaking in such a way, it’s time to get some activator!

If you find that a loved one or a friend is in a drought, don’t have them walking around looking like that! You would not let a loved one or a friend that you truly cared about walk around in public with their hair all over their head looking all crazy. So don’t allow your people to kill their dreams by not believing that they will come to pass. Give them a little squirt of your activator. Share how it has brought the shine back into your life. Share your faith and belief based activator until they are able to stock up on their own supply.

Last week I heard a quote that really resonated with me. It said, “When your focus is clear, what you want will show up in your life, but only to the extent that your focus is clear.” Let me amend that twice over for the purposes of this message.

“When your faith is strong, what you want will show up in your life, but only to the extent that your faith is strong.”

“When you believe, what you want will show up in your life, but only to the extent that you believe.”

1 Part Faith + 1 Part Belief = Activator (The activation of your vision, your goals and your dreams).

Invest in an unlimited lifetime supply.

A PhD in ME

2010-08-23T06:45:00.000-07:00

I have two degrees, two certifications and years of practice in my fields of study...but there has been no better teacher, lesson or education than life. I went straight from Kindergarten through graduate school without any breaks other than summer vacations during grade school and then one summer off during my first year of college. After having been engaged in formal education for so many years, I thought that life without school might feel foreign. I was wrong. I have probably learned more in the last eight years that I have been out of school than I have in the eighteen years that I was in school.

Over those long school years I learned a whole lot about many different things, much of which I have forgotten. It wasn't until I had graduated from graduate school and stepped out into the real world that I came to realize that I didn't know a whole lot about me.

Higher education establishments put together degree programs that have specific classes that you must take in order to graduate in your selected major or area of study. There are certain classes that must be taken before you are allowed to take others, these are called Pre-Requisites. There are also classes that you must take that have nothing to do with your major so that you are well rounded. These are called Basic Studies. The classes that you take that dig deep into your area of study through practice or a more specific focus are called Practicums, Labs, and Methods Courses. If you want to take a course on your own without actually attending a class with your peers, it's called an Independent Study.

School was great, and it was an experience that I wouldn't trade, but I believe that we can have just as awesome an experience by putting together our own personalized degree program...A program that I like to think of as a PhD in ME. PhD, which stands for Doctor of Philosophy, and is also referred to as a Doctorate Degree, is the highest degree that one can earn.

Think about it. You can set up your own personal degree program based on your interests, passion and purpose. The world is your University. Your recommended or required readings and assignments might include books, travel, movies, relationships, conferences, seminars and networking events that you select based upon the things that you enjoy, as well as your plans and your goals. Now let's take the format that Colleges and Universities have created and break down a few of these key concepts so that you can begin to create a program that helps you to get to know yourself and improves the quality of your life.

Pre-Requisites and Basic Studies: These represent those things in your life that you may need to put in place before you are able to comfortably and successfully move to the next level. For example, as I continue to build and grow my business, I have found it necessary to get my personal finances in order first. There are certain basic things in your life that must be done before you move on to higher level things or they will keep holding you back or getting in the way. In many cases, these things teach you or prepare you so that you are equipped to move forward and upward. What do you need to do to lay the foundation for your future?

Practicums and Labs: These are symbolic of the actual hands on experiences where you get out and try things. This may be diving into writing and publishing your own book, or trying your hand at a new talent or skill such as singing or painting. I've found that sometimes the best way to learn is to just get out there and give it a try. We can only learn so much from reading books and listening to lectures. The most powerful type of learning comes when the student is fully engaged in the experience. My literary mentor, Sylvia Hubbard often says, "Just go in there and try to break it." in reference to learning the latest technology. When my brother was younger, he used to take things apart to find out how they worked. Sometimes breaking things and making mistakes is the best way to learn. In what areas do you need more hands on experience?

Independent Study: I often meet many new people and speak to and teach large crowds. I've come to learn that as much as I am surrounded by people, I need to spend as much if not more time alone. Time alone not only gives me the balance that I need, but it's also a time to rest, reflect, recharge and do research. While a huge part of your personal degree program comes from the relationships that you build with others...the relationship that you build with yourself is just as important. How much intentional "Me" time do you set aside?

Assignments: Give yourself homework. This includes listing and setting goals for books that you want to read, people that you want to meet, events that you want to attend, places that you want to travel to, fears that you want to overcome and new things that you want to learn or try. These assignments can come in the form of long term and short term goals, or daily tasks that you check off on your to-do list. What does your self-made syllabus, custom made curriculum consist of?

Professors: Everyone should have at least one mentor. I would even go as far as to recommend that you have a mentor in every area of your life. For example, a spiritual mentor, a mentor in the field that you work in, and a fitness mentor. The choice is yours, but you should always have someone that you can look to, no matter their age, to help guide you to where you want to be. Unlike college professors, these mentors aren't just there to lecture to you. They should model the skills and behaviors that you aspire to, provide opportunities for you, and answer your questions. Who are your mentors?

~
CLEARLY I could go on and on with the metaphors...but I'll stop here to give you a chance to let it all marinate in your mind. This week, or month, or season, or year I challenge you create your own program where you first learn YOU and then become the best YOU that you can be. Join me as I obtain my PhD in ME!

What Is Your Escape Plan?

2010-08-16T12:59:00.000-07:00

When I go out to do observations and quality assessments for youth programs, one of the first things that we look for is their emergency procedures which should be posted in plain view. Emergency procedures let people know which way to go in order to stay safe in the midst of chaos.

We've become so desensitized that we fail to realize that we are in the midst of a state of emergency. When we look at the messages in the media and popular culture, the literacy rate, the economy, mental illness and all of the things that are going on around us, it's a wonder that we haven't all given up.

Since we are in such a state, we need a plan of escape in order to keep our sanity. Here are some procedures that I suggest you practice in order to keep you grounded, balanced and essentially safe...

Self-Care: I've begun to spoil myself because with all of the work and travel that I do, I need to re-build, re-energize and replenish regularly. I get professional massages, pedicures, hairstyling, eye brow arching and personal fitness training on a regular basis. This is a huge change because a few years ago I hardly ever treated myself to any of these things that I now consider necessities. I consider them as such because in order to continue to give my gift to the world in the way that God wants me to, I need to make sure that my cup is not only full but overflowing. What do you, or can you do to increase your focus on self-care?

A Financial Plan: I've come to realize that poverty is a mindset...one to which I have been trapped in for many years and still struggle to be released from the grips of. If we are not focused on financial literacy we tend to spend more than we save, give more than we have, and live well beyond our means, often struggling from pay check to pay check. Now is the time to begin to think about how you might get your finances in order in such a way that you are prepared for the emergencies that can and do emerge every day. Even if it as simple as an old school piggy bank, put aside a little money every day and invest in something that will yield a return. In what ways can you strengthen your financial practices?

A Confidante: Quite simply, you need someone that you can talk to or confide in. My suggestion is that God be the first, but you need someone that you can talk to who you can trust and that is an active listener. When I say active listening I mean not just hearing what you are saying, but truly listening, remembering, empathizing, knowing when to be silent and knowing when to practice self-control. We don't always want someone to offer the solutions, the lectures, or the shoulda's, ought to's, and need to's....we simply need someone who will just listen without judgment, yet be honest and hold us accountable for the goals and plans that we share with them. Who is your confidante? If you don't have one, identify one...if no one meets the requirements...God is always on deck.

A Place of Peace: In an actual emergency, this would be a fallout shelter or some other place that would keep you safe in the midst of a natural disaster or act of terror. The things that we deal with in our everyday lives are just as real and we often need to take cover to reflect and regroup.

It's also important to keep in mind that your environment has a huge impact on your state of mind. I've noticed that my physical environment often reflects my mindset. When I am at peace, my space is clean, organized and creatively decorated. When I'm out of sorts, my place looks like it's been hit by a tornado. If you don't have access to a little cabin or some other serene get away, then your home or at least one space in your home should be your place of peace.

Designate a spot, or if you have a loft like me where everything is in one big space, design it in a way that brings you the serenity that you need. If candles and incense are your thing, then make it happen. As much as possible keep your space clean and clutter free. I personally discourage unannounced or uninvited guests because I know that's what I need for my own sanity. Pick your space, design it to your liking and set your standards and boundaries. Everyone should have their very own place of peace to retreat to in tumultuous times.
~

So today, I encourage you to write, or mentally devise the first draft of your emergency procedures or escape plan. What are your top three self-care practices? What is your financial plan? Who is your confidante? Where is your place of peace? Write them, type them, put them on a poster board....do whatever works best for you and post them in plain view.

There is no need for a drill like those we used to do in school to practice what we might do in the event of an emergency because the time is now. Device your escape plan and your emergency procedures and practice them regularly.

What Were You Born To Do?

2010-08-09T05:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday in church a couple gave a powerful testimony that moved me to tears. The wife had been stricken with a severe heart condition that rewound her life and abilities back to infancy. She couldn’t walk, talk, or do any of the basic things for herself that we often take for granted. Her husband did everything in his power to take care of her. During that time she asked him, “Does it bother you to have to take care of me so much?” He answered, “No, this is what I was born to do.”

In life we often settle for less than we are capable of and less than we deserve. When it comes to what we are capable of, we find comfort in what we are good at instead of pushing further and finding out what we are great at. It may be a skill or talent, but then it may be something as simple as caring for a loved one as was the case with the story above. So I ask you, “What were you born to do?” You may not know now, you may not find out until later in life like the husband did with his wife’s illness, but in the meantime are you pushing past the good, exploring what you are great at and operating in that with excellence?

Now, let’s take a look at what you deserve. We are so quick to play the role that looks like this: “If anyone must suffer, if anyone must come last, if anyone must go without….then let it be me.” A dear friend of mine used to go through life saying and living under that belief only to come to the realization that it was false humility. According to Wikipedia, "'false humility' consists of deprecating one's own sanctity, gifts, talents, and accomplishments for the sake of receiving praise or adulation from others."

Don’t you know that you deserve the best? No matter where you’ve been, no matter what you’ve been through, no matter what you’ve done, at the end of the day you deserve that mate that loves you unconditionally. You deserve that job, career, salary, or grant that you’ve always wanted. You deserve to be in the best of health mentally and physically. Know your worth! Just as you were born for a specific purpose, so was someone else born for a specific purpose for you.

So when it comes to relationships, don’t just settle for who loves you, no matter how they treat you…someone was born just to be the love of your life that you deserve if you wait patiently and faithfully. When it comes to your health, and you think there is no way out, know that there was a doctor that was born just to save your life, or a friend that was born just to pray and encourage you, keeping your spirits high until you heal. Your children may have been born to slow you down, give you someone to love and cherish, and then ultimately someone to take care of you when you can no longer care for yourself.

When people call on me for a word of encouragement, or thank me for a message that I wrote that spoke to their situation, I feel like I’m just doing my job, because I know…this is what I was born to do.

Whatever life has thrown your way or taken away, know that there is a specific purpose for which you were born and on the flip side there is someone, or more than one person that was born to help you or see you through.

What were you born to do? Who was born for you?

Life is Like a Football Game

2010-08-02T05:33:00.000-07:00

I had a personal wake up call this weekend when a friend unknowingly brought one of my behavior patterns to my attention. I came to realize that I have a tendency to brush certain things off, saying or acting like I don't care or like things don't affect me in situations where they should or do. This got me to thinking, is this a defense mechanism that I subconsciously use to avoid being hurt or disappointed?

It made me think of football. In the little that I understand of the game, I know that you either play offense or defense. The defense defends the ball and the offense goes after the ball. According to Wikipedia "The objective of the game is to score points by advancing the ball into the opposing team's end zone." I relate this to life.

Another word for offense is attack. Do you find yourself taking life head on, attacking challenges and obstacles or goals and dreams? Or, do you play it safe by going through life trying to defend your mind, your heart and your ego by manipulating situations so that there is little to no risk...so that you can't get hurt...so that you cannot fail... We often spend most of our time defending ourselves from other people. We don't want them to talk about us. We don't want them to disappoint us.

We place so much on and in people. But do you know that people talking about you has prepared you for your impending greatness? Do you think that the numbers of naysayers will decrease as your success, prosperity, and popularity increases? In all actuality, it is just the opposite. A person talking about you is all a part of your preparation because when you get better, it only gets worse.

People begin to look and dig for something to talk about and if they can't find it, they will create it. So if you weren't or aren't used to it, you might not be able to handle it. If you hadn't experienced it, it might take you out. It might make you want to quit. It might make you want to hide. If you had not been through something, you might not be able to handle all that is coming along with your victory. Your trials have strengthened you and humbled you in preparation for the greatness that is before you.

People will leave you. People will betray you. People will disappoint you. Don't be discouraged! You've experienced what you've been through to prepare you for what God wants you to do. Because now you KNOW that you can make it...because you HAVE made it. And you know that people are just that...people...not perfect...not God. So why even play yourself by expecting so very much of them. Most are hurting...and they need you. They need you to operate in your God given gift to help heal them.

Now let me reverse up off of that tangent I just went on and drive my point home. What are you spending your valuable time doing? What side of the ball are you on? Are you playing defense, to avoid pain, hurt, disappointment, failure and a host of other things that are all a part of life, and perhaps very important pieces of your preparation for greatness? OR are you playing offense by attacking every obstacle that comes your way, whether good or bad, all making you stronger, right and ready for the tasks that lay before you?

Life is like a game of football. What position do you play?

Every Wall Has A Window or A Door

2010-07-26T04:56:00.000-07:00

Recently I took a mini vacation to visit my older brother at his beautiful historic home in Springfield, Massachusetts. There was a door in the room where I slept each night that I hadn’t used and I wasn’t sure where it led to so I asked him. He explained to me that it led out to the family room before saying, “Every wall in this house has a window or a door.” As simple as that sounds, I found it to be quite fascinating. It made me think about how it could be a perfect analogy for how we view our lives.

In life, we come up against many obstacles, barriers, or walls. These walls might be financial hardship, relationship related heartache, neglect or abuse, health issues or loss of prized possessions or loved ones. More often than not, even though they are walls that we cannot literally touch or see, we tend to look at them as very real set-backs or dead ends. Since we cannot see these obstacles with our eyes, why not throw in a bit of blind faith and believe that each wall that we come up against has a window or a door.
Now that I look back and mentally picture the design of my brother’s house, every wall really did have a window or a door. All of the windows were portals to the outside world, as were the front and back doors, but the remaining doors led to other rooms or closets.

With some obstacles, the way out is clear, as was the case with the windows and the front and back or side doors. Those obstacles that we face that feel too hard to get through may have one of those doors that lead to another room or a closet. When you come to a barrier that has a door that leads to another room this is representative of a barrier that has been put in your life to lead you in another direction, or show you another way.

When you are at a wall and the door leads to a closet, this represents that there are some things that need to be stored or tucked away. Hence, some barriers in your life are meant to teach you valuable lessons that you are to store in your mental arsenal to use at another time or to help others get through what they are going through.

So the next time you come to what seems to be an impenetrable wall in your life, know that there is a window or a door and take some time to think about what type of door it may be. If there seems to be no way out, there will always we another way or a lesson to be learned.

Get Out of Your Own Way

2010-07-19T06:16:00.000-07:00

Take a moment to envision where you want to be in life. Where do you want to live? What do you want to look like? How do you want to feel emotionally? What kind of car do you want to drive? How much money do you want to make? What do you want the state of your business to be? What do you want for your family?

Now, think about the thing or things that are holding you back from where we want to be. If we are completely honest with ourselves we will admit that our largest obstacle is often the person that we look at in the mirror every day.

There are several ways that we get in our own way. The most obvious is not believing in our own abilities thus allowing fear, doubt, negative self-talk and procrastination dictate our futures. If we do that, we know it…but I want to call out some of the other hidden and sometimes subconscious things that we do to sabotage ourselves.

1. Burning the Candle at Both Ends and In the Middle!

When you have a vision or a goal that you’ve set for yourself, it’s a natural tendency for those that are driven to want to grind and give it all we’ve got. The problem is that sometimes we go so far as to give it what we don’t have as well.

I remember the first and only time that I ever ran out of gas in my car. I was ripping and running all day, and I actually had the money. I was just so busy pushing my agenda to the limit that I never set aside the few moments that it would take to refuel. So as a result, there I was, in the middle of the freeway, at midnight, out of gas. So now, not only was I held back, I was brought to a screeching halt. I went from doing too much to not being able to do anything at all.

There are two things to keep in mind if this sounds like you. First of all, you won’t be good to anyone or anything if you are burnt out mentally, physically and emotionally. That purpose or calling that has been placed on your life will be placed on hold and you will be placed on a stretcher or a hospital bed. And finally….challenge God and allow him the opportunity to show you all that He can do for you. Trust that He’s right there next to you on the battle field of life. Faith takes work, but even God rested.

2. Spending Time Talking About What You Can’t Do and Doing What You Don’t Want to Do.

I went to see author, ReShonda Tate Billingsley speak the other day, and one of the many things that she said that stood out to me was, “Every minute spent talking about what you can’t do is a minute that could be spent doing it.” This rings so true! We spend SO much time talking about what we can’t do and why we can’t do it. Those minutes, hours, days and weeks could be spent taking action on the plan that is burning inside of us.

On the same note, we often spend just as much time doing things that we know we don’t want to do. Perhaps it’s that job that you hate and you know that deep down in your heart, if you step out on faith and leave it, God will have something even greater waiting for you. Maybe it’s all of those things that you do to help others reach their goals and realize their dreams…which is great…but what about you?

Start thinking of your moments as money in a bank account that will disappear if you don’t spend it or invest it. Think of every hour as one million dollars. You get the same amount each day, Twenty-four million dollars, and how you use it is up to you. Will you use it wisely? Will you waste it? Or will you go too hard with it and fall into burning that candle at both ends and in the middle?

There are several other factors that contribute to you getting in your own way of that future that you want including the company that you keep, your willingness to give, how you manage what you are given and so on. I just wanted to give you the two above to ponder and digest. If they hit home for you take a step or two TODAY to make shift in a different direction. Take a path that is clear of obstacles. Get out of your own way!

The Real Secret

2010-06-28T19:48:00.000-07:00

If you’ve been following me online and in life you’ve probably noticed that I always make a sincere effort to keep things positive. You may have also noticed how I spend a lot of time doing things that I truly enjoy and believe in. The truth of the matter is that I really love my life. Do you want to know the secret to my joy? The answer is simple…I’ve never stopped believing in miracles. I’ve never stopped believing in the impossible. It’s that amazing gift that children have that adults often leave behind…After all these years, I’ve kept mine.

Lately, I’ve been reveling all up in that gift. I feel like a pre-pubescent pre-teen without the peer pressure and pimples.

I possess a renewed spirit of joy and zest for life…not afraid to try new things and never too busy to make time for play.

If you have young children, nieces or nephews, or students you know that one of their main goals is to be entertained at all times. Whenever I plan to spend time with my six year old nephew, Lil’ Ron, I ask him what he’d like to do. His answer is always consistent. “I want to go to the toy store.” He is focused on that goal. His answer never changes.

When I’m just coming over for a visit he is certain that I came for a specific reason…not to spend time with my brother or my mother, or to just get away from the city and relax at their place…No. He is confident that I came to visit solely to play with him. He knows what he wants. He knows what brings him joy. He pursues it relentlessly….and guess what? We almost always give in and let him have his way!

Imagine if we all applied that childlike passion to that thing that we love…toward our purpose. Imagine yourself truly believing in miracles and the impossible when it comes to that business that you run or have always wanted to start. Imagine yourself relentlessly pursuing that project, that goal, your education or your ministry. There are several lessons to be learned here.

1. Know where you want to go. - If you called my nephew right this moment and asked him where he wanted to go, I guarantee that he’d say, “The Toy Store”. Know where it is that you want to go. Have a clear vision, remain focused on it and never give up on that until you get it. Be confident, consistent and unafraid to let those who may want to help you get there know how they can be of assistance.

2. Know what you want to do. – One of my favorite quotes says, “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” This is what often happens when we don’t know what we want to do. It’s perfectly fine to try out many things, but eventually we must make up our mind about what it is that we want to do. If we flip flop all of the time, or spread ourselves too thin, nothing will get the attention that it deserves. Now that you’ve identified where you want to go, make sure you know what you want to do to get there.

3. Know what you love. – As life happens we have a tendency to forget or abandon what we love. I also often see people get so wrapped up in the lives of the people that they care for that they take on the things that that person loves as their own. I remember times in life where I’ve had to stop and say, “What a minute, what’s my favorite color? What’s my favorite food? What do I enjoy doing? What do I love?” When we know what we love, we often make it a priority to do what we have to in order to keep that person, place or thing at the forefront of our lives. Once we do that, joy follows.

4. Know what you’ve got. – This one may seem a little shallow compared to others, but trust me…it’s the stone cold truth. Know what you’ve got…and work it! My nephew knows that he is super cute. He has the look, the squeaky little voice, the sense of humor, and the personality and you best believe that he uses every bit of it to his advantage. He knows what makes us laugh or smile. He pays attention to what makes us react. He takes note of the things that don’t work and he stops doing them. Take a moment to take inventory of what you’ve got. It may be a natural charm, a heartwarming smile, quick wit, creativity or a knack for fashion…whatever the case may be…Know it…Own it…and Work it!

Once you’ve identified all of these things, use them to pursue your goals relentlessly! Think back and tap into your inner child. Once you’ve done that, let your imagination, creativity, passion for play and fearlessness guide you on the path to joy and the realization of your dreams.

The Passenger's Seat

2010-06-21T09:06:00.001-07:00

I often take long road trips to literary events or to visit book clubs in other cities around the United States, so it may come as a surprise to you that I AM NOT a big fan of driving. As the hours go by I find myself saying, “I really wish that I was in the passenger seat.”

When it comes to life, work and relationships we often try to dictate, manipulate and control our destiny. This may just sound like a person is being ambitious or a go getter, but is it actually a lack of faith? We always say that people should “make it happen” but in doing that are we short changing the true possibilities of what we could have if we allowed ourselves to be led?
Think about a sports team. Every team has a captain. In order to be a captain one must be a strong leader. ..BUT every captain has a coach.

Don’t get me wrong…it is great to be driven….but that has a duel meaning. Think about it. If you are a driven person then you set goals, get things done, have a vision, you’re a go getter, etc…BUT if you are driven, or being driven…then that means there is a driver. So once again, you are in the passenger’s seat.

Now let’s look at it in terms of love and relationships…I may get a little personal or controversial here depending on your view point situation but keep in mind that these are just my thoughts and opinions.

I’m all about girl power and being an independent woman and everything but there is nothing like getting all dolled up and having a man pick me up for a date. When I have to pick up a man, all of the time, I find myself feeling cheated or frustrated. I understand that everyone falls upon hard times, and not everyone chooses to have a car, but that is another one of those times where I find myself saying, “I just want to be in the passenger’s seat.”

So you see, the passenger’s seat is not at all a bad thing, it is actually a metaphor for so much more.

In a marriage it symbolizes how a man should be able to lead his wife and family. In business and life it represents how although we should still put in the work, we should exercise our faith, let go of the wheel and trust that God has the power to lead us farther than we can ever take ourselves.

I still have so much more to say on this subject, but for now…let that marinate, then let go and let yourself be led by faith and by the One that is far more qualified and capable than you to steer your life in the right direction…Get in the passenger’s seat.

Your Gift Will Make Room for You

2010-06-14T08:11:00.000-07:00

A man’s gift makes room for him and brings him before great men. –Proverbs 18:16

After you read this sentence I want you to close your eyes and take a moment to think about that thing that you are certain is your God given gift. Have you identified it? Is it speaking? Writing? Cooking? Advocating for those that cannot advocate for themselves? Educating the masses about a particular issue that needs increased awareness? Now ask yourself, are you using that gift?

Our gifts are not even about us, they actually have the purpose of blessing others, but God is really generous because when we are operating in our gifts we experience a feeling of true bliss. Think about it. Think about the feelings and sensations that you have when you are doing what you know that you have been called to do.

Author, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, describes this as a concept that he calls “Flow” which is defined as, “An experience involving heightened states of awareness, confidence, and performance…Total engagement—you lose yourself in an activity.” This happens because we are engaging in something that taps into our intrinsic motivation which means that we don’t need any external stimulus or reward in order to do this thing. If no one ever told us that we were doing a great job, if no one ever gave us a grade of A, if we never got paid, we could still wake up and do this thing every morning for the rest of our lives and it would bring us joy. So we experience just as much of a benefit if not more as those whose lives we are making a difference in.

If the benefits of our gifts are so vast…then why aren’t more people using them? I’d say that the number one reason is fear. This is interesting though, because a lot of you say that you have faith…but faith and fear cannot co-exist. There has to be one or the other. We make excuse after excuse as to why we can’t do what we know we are supposed to be doing right now. Money, time, our families…the list goes on and on. But did you know that your gift will make room for you? That in itself should be motivation enough to take the leap, but to even further support that, your gift will also give you access to the great. Let me break that down in terms of my experience…

One day it became crystal clear to me that my gift was to encourage others and help them to realize their dreams using my writing and speaking. As soon as I fully immersed myself in that gift, door after door began to open. It is to the point where it feels as if my path is clear and barrier free…I don’t even have to knock anymore because people of high esteem (“The great”) are waiting at the open doors saying, “Hey Monica…come on in!” I am at a point where I have to turn down opportunities because I can only do so much at one time. I’m not trying to brag, but do you know that I have never truly had to look for a job? There was really only one time. When I graduated from graduate school at the University of Michigan with a resume full of credentials and experience I couldn’t seem to find a “job” to save my life. It was at that time that I finally sat down to write my first book. It was a blessing in disguise because if I’d had a job lined up, I never would have sat down to begin putting in the work to prepare to share my gift with the world. Do you see how God works? Ever form of income that I have received since then has come in the form of a job, contract, or opportunity that someone specifically sought me out for and offered to me.

You may still not be convinced because you think you don’t have the time. You might be working toward a certain goal that is time specific and you think that stopping what you are doing to operate in your gift may get in the way. Well let me tell you, based on my experience that If you truly have faith, like you say you do, trust that not only will your gift make a way for you but it will also expedite matters.

As you can see, I could talk about this forever, but I am going to stop here to let what I’ve said marinate. My challenge to you is to stop trying to dictate everything in your life, get in The Passenger’s Seat (This is a teaser for the next motivational message) and let God and your gift lead you. Then sit back and watch how it will make room for you and put you in the presence of the great!

A gift opens doors; it gives access to the great. –Proverbs 18:16

Everything Happens for a Reason

2010-06-07T05:46:00.001-07:00

I’m sitting here at the Detroit Metro Airport after having missed my early morning flight to Rochester , New York. In the past I might have cried or been frustrated to the point of making myself physically sick. Now I sit here just as calm and cool as a cat because of something my mother always told me…”Everything happens for a reason.”

I called my Mom to let her know that I’d missed my flight and after about 37 seconds of sympathy she said, “What happened to last week’s Monday Morning Motivation? Why didn’t I get it? Did this new anti-virus software remove it from my computer?” I had to smile. I didn’t do a Monday Morning Motivation last week because of the holiday and it wasn’t looking like I was going to be able to do one today either because of the early travel and business that I need to prepare for. Well wouldn’t you know, I guess God had different plans for me today. Perhaps I missed that flight just so I could get this out to you.

I strongly believe that when something is placed on your heart, you must get it out, because you never know who’s watching and who needs to hear, feel or see your message. Just a few days ago I got a message from a young lady out of the blue. She wanted to let me know that she’d read my first book, “The Ups and Downs of Being Round” and that it inspired her to lose over 100 pounds! I was so excited to be able to touch and in some ways save a person’s life in such a way. It speaks to a motivational message that I wrote in the past based upon a quote by a dear friend. In short, when we don’t operate in our gifts, people could be dying. I know that sounds harsh, but most of us know what we are supposed to be doing, and when we do operate in that purpose, we save lives. (I’ll speak more on this in my next motivational message because I’ve already been inspired with it.)

Sometimes when seemingly bad things happen, we get angry or upset, but we must keep in mind that everything happens for a reason. Whatever has transpired may have saved us from something worse or be preparing us for something greater. I wasn’t supposed to be on that flight this morning. If I was, I’d be on it. I trust that it happened for a very specific reason. So today, if something happens take a deep breath and know that there is a greater purpose behind it.

So as I am sitting here trying to wrap up this message, a man that works here comes up to me and asks me how I like my mini net book computer. I could have had an attitude, especially with the employees of the airline since I missed my flight because the attendant wasn’t at the gate 10 minutes before departure, then the plane pulled off earlier than scheduled. He and I got to talking about what I do and he just gave me a huge valuable chunk of financial wisdom that I’ve been praying about. Its official…today is going to be a great day. No matter what happens, good or bad, know that it is for a reason and a purpose so just smile and keep the faith!

What's In Your Backpack?

2010-05-24T09:11:00.000-07:00

People often say that when something bad happens, or when you go through something that you're supposed to put the past behind you and move on. This advice has always seemed to make a lot of sense but now that I think about it, where does all of that past that you're chucking over your shoulder go?

For years, every time I experienced a setback, a failure, a disappointment or the like, I simply tossed it behind me and kept things moving along at a rather brisk pace. Then one day I realized that I just felt heavy. I got to a place where I just could not move forward anymore.

In church on Sunday the Pastor touched on this subject, and he said that back in old days the punishment for killing a man was that his dead body would be tied to your back. Imagine having to go through life with a heavy, smelly rotting dead person on your back.

That dead person represents the old you. I know that image is rather grotesque so let's liken the dead person or the old you to an over sized and over stuffed backpack.

When you put your failures behind you, you are placing them in an overweight back pack that represents your emotional and psychological baggage. In order to move forward it is necessary to acknowledge or address those things or people that have hurt or harmed you. I've found peace and healing in using those negative situations in my writing, thus helping others while simultaneously freeing myself of the extra baggage.

So today I encourage you to remove that back pack, empty it out. Lay the things that were in it out before you. Deal with them, learn from them, and use them as stepping stones so that you may reach further and higher without the heavy burden.

Vision: It's Time For a New Prescription

2010-05-17T17:35:00.000-07:00

This weekend I spent some time designing my new loft to make it more conducive to the creative space that I need to be in to write. I believe that our physical environment has a direct effect not only on our creativity but also on our mood and productivity. Many people agree with this belief but everyone has a very different perception of what this looks like.

As a part of my design process, I treated myself to my first, very own, top of the line bed complete with 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. This may seem like no big deal, but for me it was a major milestone. This was my first time purchasing my very own bed that was not a hand me down or some other complicated situation. What does that say about me? For years, I put many of my basic needs on the back burner while trying to cater to the needs of others and ultimately save the world. Well, even super heroes need somewhere comfortable to lay their head at night. The mini moral here is that we won’t be of much good to anyone else, if we are not first good to ourselves.

The movers came and one of them felt compelled to tell me, before he even saw my loft, that he doesn’t think this is a good place to live. He based it upon several reasons, one being that I live across from a Salvation Army residential facility. He went on to support his point by saying that when he walks out of his door, he wants to see something beautiful. He said that when I walk out my door I see killers and criminals.

I defended my space by saying, well what about the view of the river? He said, “Oh, that’s not a real view, that building is in the way, and there’s an abandoned lot…”

The funny thing is, no matter how much supporting evidence he provided to support his claim, never once did he change my lens or my frame.

If things aren't looking so good in your life, perhaps it's time to change the lens through which you view them. If that doesn't work, then change the frame. The lens is your vision or perception. The frame is your mindset. Your situation can improve as quickly as you can change your mind and your outlook.

Here is how I view my situation. First of all I live in Detroit. A city that I admire for its resilience. A city that I love. A city that I won’t give up on just for the simple fact that so many others already have or want to. Second of all, my vision reaches so high and so far that I see beyond the busy street, beyond the vacant lots, straight to the river that is framed by the sky. I look at it as a beautiful glimpse of God’s great creation. Only one piece in His vast collection of living art work. And finally, I don’t look at the men that reside at the Salvation Army as criminals or killers. I look at them as men with enough courage to take the first step to seek help. Men who are starting the beginning of the rest of their lives. Men who are on the cusp of a breakthrough who will go on to share their testimony to touch the lives of others in need.

Perhaps I view the world through rose colored glasses, but my outlook is what motivates me to inspire and encourage others. My positive mindset is what has freed me from the trappings of mental health issues that plague our community, especially in economic times such as this.

So my friends, perhaps it’s time for a new prescription. New lenses, new frames and thus a beautiful start to a new life free from so much heartache and pain.

Marketing and Motivation Mondays Radio Show Excerpt May 10, 2010

2010-05-16T21:03:00.000-07:00

Step Back to Move Forward

2010-05-12T09:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we can't see a situation for what it is while we are in it. It is not until we take a step back that we are able to truly see the big picture.

Imagine standing with your nose touching the side of a house. All that you might see is a small space of white aluminum siding. Take a step back and a window may come into view. Take another step back and you may see a door. Take more steps back and the garden, grass and entire house may come into view. The space that you were initially zoomed in on may have been really clean, or really dirty, but once you stepped back and took in the full picture the true case may have been just the opposite.

The same is the case with our relationships and environments. When we are in it, or right up on it, we may not be able to clearly see it for what it truly is. There are two sides to this. We may have the false perception that our situation is better than it truly is, or we may be so focused on where we are that we do not see all of the open doors and windows, greener grass or in essence, the possibilities all around us.

So today look at your jobs, your relationship and your environment from a different angle. For some of you the steps may be literal, but they also symbolize taking some space, time for self, or maybe a vacation. Perhaps the very reason that the situation is so strained is because you are smothering it by not giving it the room, the space or the light that it needs to grow and flourish.

Imagine standing over a plant trying to will it to grow. You'd be blocking the sunlight and neglecting to give it the water that it needs because you are too busy being all up on it. While you are in the midst of your mess, or your make-believe happiness, you have a skewed view. If you're feeling stagnant, stifled, or stuck...in order to move forward...take a step back.

The Mirror

2010-05-04T06:34:00.000-07:00

Ever since I stepped out on faith to pursue writing full time, I have been making a point to attend events and engage in activities that add to my life in a positive way...personal development if you will. Attending workshops, seminars and expos, reading motivational books, and even meeting with people that I consider to be mentor material, has become a regular part of my schedule for the purpose of keeping myself positive, productive, and constantly immersed in the process of growth.

One night, I attended an event called "Ladies Can We Talk." The event was hosted by motivational speaker and author Lisa Nichols as a part of her promotional tour for the Chicken Soup for the African American Woman's Soul anthology. I invited my spiritual mentor and went in totally expecting that we would be fed a lecture style motivational speech. To my surprise it was very interactive and all of the participants added value to the experience. There was standing room only because while the organizers had anticipated 200, there were 326 in attendance including a few men.

Throughout the evening we had to do several activities with a partner. I felt like I'd been strategically placed with the exact person that I needed to connect with. Before I even knew that this woman was going to be my partner I'd noticed her. I noticed that she was very pretty and well dressed. "Now there is a woman that's got herself together," I thought to myself. During the activities we were told to sit face to face and knee to knee. It was slightly uncomfortable at first because we were strangers to one another, but the facilitators had warned us in advance that our comfort level would be significantly challenged.

Once we began to share deep truths about ourselves with one another I realized that my reflection had been placed before me. I was looking at my reflection literally and figuratively. This woman's features were very similar to my own, so much so, that if we told people that we were biologically related, no one would protest or give it a second thought. It was like looking in a mirror that reflected me ten years into the future. This woman was ten years my senior, but was experiencing many of the issues that I was dealing with during that time. This outwardly beautiful and polished woman suffered from the exact same insecurities that I had. Like me, she had gotten into relationships at a very young age and somehow missed the very important developmental stages of autonomy and self efficacy. That is, knowing and loving one's self.

I feel like I was shown what my life would be like in the future if I continued to neglect to know and love myself. I was shown how my life would be if I rushed into marriage without first engaging in a committed relationship with myself. While I don't think that this woman or her life is bad, I know that it is not where I want to be. This was confirmed for me when she communicated to me that she didn't want to be there either, and it was her life.

We may not always literally hear or see what we need to learn about life and ourselves, but that still small voice speaks to us through people and circumstances. I felt so connected to this woman that I had never met in my life before that day. I believe it's safe to say that she experienced the same feeling of connection to me. I also believe that she would give anything to be in the position that I am in, where I still have the chance and the choice to change the course of my life and my thinking while I am still young. I will use the wisdom that she imparted upon me to inform my decisions and behaviors because I owe it to her, and to myself.

So pay attention to those that cross your path because they are placed there for a reason. Perhaps your mirror messenger will answer that burning question that you've always wanted answered. So be still and patient and surround yourself with positive energy in the meantime.

Fat Girl (Poem)

2010-05-02T20:16:00.000-07:00

A fat girl lives on the inside of me

Although I’ve shed the pounds I’m still weighed down

By insecurity

Mannerisms are meek and mild

Characteristics of my inner fat child

The scale and the mirror are my two biggest enemies

The scale measures failure and the mirror deceives

I don’t see what others see ‘cause

99% of losing weight is psychology

It has been a challenge physically

But is has been more taxing emotionally

Confusion, stress and strain afflict my psyche constantly

Put the pounds on

Now the weights gone

My life has become an oxymoron

When I was large I was invisible

Now that I’m small I cannot hide

At size 16 when it came to men, I was virtually unknown

At size 6 when it comes to men, then won’t leave me alone

I can’t help but wonder, would they acknowledge me the way I used to be?

For the majority, attraction is based solely on what they see

Fat jokes told in my presence offend me and confuse me even more

Then I realize, they’re not meant for me, but for those who look how I looked before

Why is it then that they cut deep and still affect me so?

Because the fat child housed within refuses to let go

When I shop through the aisles and look at small clothes

My inner fat child screams, “Leave those alone!”

When I try on those clothes

I cannot believe

How the all fit me with elegance and ease

When I meet a new man that I catch feelings for

My inner fat child says,

“When he finds out that you were fat he’ll head straight for the door.”

With reluctance I reveal my past to that man

Using pictures as evidence of my wide waist and hip span

I prepare for him to leave as she said that he would

When he surprises me by saying, “Girl, you still used to look good!”

“Don’t believe him. He’s just saying that now. If he saw you back then he would call you a cow!” My inner fat child says with fury and spite putting an immediate damper on my feelings that night.

My past and my present are in a constant tug-of-war

Making it hard to appreciate all that I’ve worked so hard for

My will was strong but I could never win

Unless I confronted my demon within

I said “Fat girl, would you please just let me be? Just let me enjoy my new healthy body.”

She said “Girl don’t forget that you used to be fat. You drop a few pounds now you think you’re all that? Just as you lost it you can gain it all back!”

I said “I’ll never forget what I used to be. I’ve only changed externally. Who I am inside is the same and will always be. Now one thing is a fact, I won’t gain it all back. I’m committed to keeping my lifestyle on track.”

She said, “You say that now, you gluttonous sow, but I’ll be here laughing when you finally back down.”

I said, “I know that you thrive on my fear and self doubt, I’ve conquered those things so now you can get out. Your nourishment comes from my insecurity, now I am secure, so you can just leave. You used to control everything that I’d do; now I’m in control so I rebuke you!”

I was prepared for her response filled with vengeance and rage

After listening closely…

Silence was all that I could gauge

Then suddenly I heard a surrendering sigh

That escalated into a defeated child’s cry

Those cries and small footsteps began to slowly fade away

I never heard from my inner fat child again after that day

Marketing and Motivation Mondays with Monica Marie Jones

2010-05-02T20:10:00.000-07:00

Marketing and Motivation Mondays with Monica Marie Jones

Morning Routines That Make Your Day

2010-04-27T09:15:00.000-07:00

A Daily Affirmation

Memorize or post positive words and say them out loud. My favorite affirmation is, "I am now open to receive." I love this one because a lot of times we say that we want better things in life like money, joy or love...but the truth is that we are not ready or open to receive those things.

A dear friend and colleague of mine overcame a very serious disease. When I asked her how she did it her answer was, "Daily Affirmations".

Meditation and Prayer

Setting aside a specific time for focused meditation and prayer may be the only time of peace and quiet for most of you who I know have hectic lives and schedules. Take this time to give thanks for all that you have, and to ask for all that you want or need. Also, use this time to take some deep restorative breaths, because how often do you go through the entire day without taking a deep breath? I know that I've been guilty of this offense, so let's all stop what we are doing right now and take a deep breath....Ahhhh... Now doesn't that feel good? So make meditation, prayer and deep breathing a part of your day right from the start!

Exercise

Whether it is stretching, Yoga, or a brisk walk or run, some type of movement each morning is a great way to start your day. Believe it or not, it increases your energy throughout the day. I also like the idea that if I get it done in the morning, I am less likely to put it off and end up skipping it all together.

So these are just a few ideas, but I encourage you to try something that works for you because ultimately, the tone, energy and flow of your day is up to you so why not make it positive! :)

Don't Wait for the Weight

2010-04-12T19:03:00.000-07:00

I have so many exciting things happening in my life right now! I will be sending out a few special announcements really soon, one of them being a press release about a new anthology that's coming out which I have contributed to called, The Souls of My Young Sisters. I will send you more detailed information soon, but in the meantime I wanted to give you a sneak preview of an excerpt of the essay that I wrote that will be published in the book which will be released next month. Enjoy!

Don't Wait for the Weight

This morning I almost got discouraged when my weight had increased by 5 pounds from yesterday's reading, but then I had to catch myself and remember how the scale can be a true set up. Several factors contribute to the reasons why our weight on the scale may fluctuate from day to day and sometimes throughout the day. From my research I have found that our true weight is the weight that we see first thing in the morning when we wake up after we have used the bathroom. We also must keep in mind that different scales are calibrated differently thus giving us a different reading. Don't pay so much attention to the number. Pay attention to the gain and loss and try to stick with one scale. No matter what actual weight any scale may say, if you lose 5 pounds, you lose 5 pounds, just as 5 pounds of feathers weighs the same as 5 pounds of bricks.

I came to the conclusion that my weight had increased so rapidly due to two factors. One was that I had not used the bathroom yet as I always do when I wake up in the morning. The other factor was that, the day before, I had consumed far less water and far more sodium than I usually do, thus I was suffering from water retention.
This is another reason why we should not rely solely on the scale as a measure of our progress, because often times the change that we see is a water weight loss or gain, not fat. I like to measure my progress by keeping track of my inches, gauging how my clothes feel, and measuring my body fat percentage. This helps me because I carry weight much differently than most.
When asked to guess my weight, many guess an average of 140. When I reveal to people that I am hovering around 180 they usually don't believe me. When I was hovering around 140 I began to look too skinny and I had lost all of my womanly curves, thus I have come to the conclusion that 150 is the ideal weight for me. I believe that I tend to weigh more because of the fact that muscle weighs more than fat. I have a lot of muscle, primarily in my legs.

I have made the conscious decision to enjoy and love my body as it is in the present. I will continue to work out, eat right, and strive to increase my quality of health and level of fitness, but I will not wait until I reach a certain goal to do everything that I want to do. I hear people saying that they want to wait until they shed the pounds to take pictures, put on a swim suit or perform in a show....I used to be the same way. While using things such as this for motivation to become healthier is great, I no longer believe in putting my life on hold. Take it from me, I speak from experience.

When I was 150, I felt fat. When I was 140, I felt too skinny, missing my womanly curves and feeling like I was shaped like a little boy.Now I look back at pictures and see how beautiful I was at every moment of my life, even when I was 214....the key is believing it. When you believe that you are beautiful you exude a confidence that is magnetic.

With all of that said, I will not wait to do a professional photo shoot, I will not wait to wear a two piece swim suit, and I will not wait to do everything I aspire to do. I will not wait for the weight!

Personal Development Has a High ROI

2010-04-07T12:27:00.000-07:00

As we settle in to this new season, it makes me think about how seasons are so much more than just times of the year. As a result I've decided to personalize this coming season. We don't have to wait for a new year to set goals and make positive changes. A new month, a birthday, an anniversary, a new week, a new day and a new hour are all perfect opportunities for new beginnings.

I love to use new seasons as my markers for new beginnings because everything and everyone that comes into your life is for a season. Some seasons are longer than others but most leave you with a lesson that allows you to come out better than you were before.

This might be your season of health and wellness, your season of financial literacy, or your season of focus on family. This is my season of personal development. Whether we realize it or not, we invest so much in making other people's dreams come true, that very little is left over for our own self improvement. Think about it? How much do you really invest in personal development? Now when I say personal development, I don't mean getting your hair and nails done. Don't get me wrong, that is very important too. But that goes under self-care which is another subject. When I say investing in personal development I mean investing time and money into books, classes, workshops, mentors, coaches, conferences and networking opportunities that move you forward in the mission and vision that you have for your life.

We tend to invest in high risk things where we may get little or no return, but self investment is a win- win situation. When you invest in yourself, the return is always high. In the financial world the acronym, ROI stands for Return On Investment. This speaks to the amount that you get back when you invest in something. When you invest in yourself, the return is priceless.

Click Refresh...

2010-03-30T09:48:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite functions on the computer is the refresh button. According to Google, the refresh button allows a static page to update information that has been changed. As Winter has folded into Spring and March gives way to April it's due time to click the refresh button on our lives.

Think about the things that happen when you click the refresh button on the computer...

The current page will reload and the browser will look for an updated version of the page...

New things appear and old things are gone. Sometimes we get in such a stagnant place in our lives, that we only see that static page. We only see what is in front of us as it is, even if it's not the correct or most up to date information. Let's take a long term relationship for example.

You met your mate in high school or college and they were good looking, charming, popular and had all of the potential in the world. Fast forward ten or twenty years. You are still looking at what they were, when in reality, that potential was never realized and they are still living in and on their past fame and acclaim. Do you want to see who you are really with and whether the two of you are on one accord? Click refresh...

Sometimes images don't load until you click the refresh button...

Have you ever gotten to a page that should be full of colorful images, but all you see are empty spaces and red X's? Well, when you click refresh, all of the images become visible and show clearly and vibrantly. Let's liken this to our outlook, perception and mental health. When you are depressed or caught up in that stinking thinking you step outside and you see trash, graffiti, dirt, bums, and litter.

When you change your mindset and mood to a more positive one, you see a beautiful clear blue sky, a bright shining sun, and opportunity to help or minister to a person in need, and a city that despite the odds, remains resilient and has a plethora of hidden gems. Do you want to see these wondrous things? Click Refresh...

Sometimes you can't transmit information properly until you click refresh...

Have you ever been trying to send an email or a tweet and no matter how many times you hit the send button, it just won't go through?

Sometimes when we're under stress or duress it directly affects our ability to communicate effectively. How many times have you been having a bad day, or someone in particular got under your skin, then you go and speak to the next person you encounter in an unkind way?

Sadly, often times it's the people that we love the most that get the negative talk, complaints and argumentative dialogue. We need to dump that old information or situation that upset us, take a deep breath and treat every present and future situation as a new one. Do you want to communicate with kindness and love no matter what? Click refresh...

Do you feel that it's time for a positive change in your life?

Click Refresh!

Walking in Your Purpose Saves Lives

2010-03-23T13:01:00.001-07:00

We were all placed on this earth for a purpose. Unfortunately many of us have no clue what that purpose is. Out of the small number of people that do know what it is, fewer still are actually walking in their purpose. I was inspired to contemplate these concepts when I heard a wise man say something to this effect,

"Our purpose really isn't about us at all. It is about all of the other people that are supposed to be blessed by our gift."

He then went on to say something so powerful that I don't even think he realized the impact of what he said until he witnessed the explosive reaction of those that were listening. He said,

"Someone died yesterday because I wasn't doing what I know I was supposed to be doing last week."

Let that marinate for a minute...

My friend that experienced the insight alongside me altered it even further by saying,

"Someone died TODAY because we didn't do what we knew we were supposed to be doing yesterday."

Think about it. Because you didn't write that book, or say that speech, or create that invention, or operate in whatever it is that your calling is, no matter how simple or complex...someone died.

What a way to think of things. Imagine what life would be like if Cleveland inventor Garret Morgan had never created the gas mask or the traffic signal. Think about how many lives have been saved by the powerful words of pastors, motivational speakers, and crisis hot line workers.

Some time ago I remember receiving a chain letter email about a young man that was on his way to commit suicide when an unaware stranger showed him some basic loving kindness that prompted him to change his mind. It's that simple. Your purpose may be to encourage people, spread love and let them know that they are not alone.

This week I encourage you to take some time to do some internal reflection. Reflect on that thing that you know you are meant to do. Reflect on the joy and fulfillment that it will bring you, but also reflect on the positive impact that it will have on the lives that you touch.

Pursue your passion. Live your dream. Walk in your purpose. Save lives.

Be The Change You Want to See

2010-03-16T19:34:00.000-07:00

"Be The Change You Want to See in the World"

I'm not sure where I heard that quote, but it has always stuck with me. In relationships, whether they be romantic, platonic, or with family, we have a tendency to try to change people into what or who we think they should be or what we want them to be. I'm sure that we've all learned by now that we cannot change people. What we do have the power to do is to change ourselves.

Think about how you feel when someone tells you what you need to or should be doing. Even when they say it nicely, my first reaction is often to rebel and do the exact opposite of what they are telling me to do. Constructive feedback is one thing, but lecturing someone on how they need to change is totally differently and rarely well received.

As a result I've found that the best way to see change is to be the change that you want to see.

What can you do differently to reduce or eliminate the undesirable behavior that your loved one exhibits without being manipulative?

Here are a few practical examples...

Let's say that your loved one has a smoking habit that you do not care for. Physically removing yourself when they smoke will let them know how you feel about it without you telling them that they need to quit. Telling them that they should stop does not encourage them to do so, but perhaps the absence of your presence may help them to give the idea some thought.

I've noticed that people only do what you allow them to. The cigarette smokers in my life know that I do not like smoke, but since I don't set any clear boundaries, I am still subject to this undesired behavior. But I've noticed that there are certain people that they do not smoke around. This means that the people that they do not smoke around have set some clear boundaries. Know what you want as well as what you will and will not accept and be firm in that.

Perhaps your issue is that you and your loved one argue all of the time. You can be the change that you want to see by making an effort to be more positive. If you find yourself being negative or reacting to their negativity, take a step back. Either counter their negativity with positivity, or simply do not respond or react to their negativity at all.

I watched the film "Fireproof" a few months ago and in the movie, the husband was reading the book, The Love Dare. The love dare is a forty day process based on biblical principles where couples are given a different challenge each day. One day the husband was given the challenge of not being negative. Even if his wife was negative he had to be silent and not reciprocate her actions. Give that a try. A person can only fuss, rant and rave all by themselves for so long before they begin to feel foolish.

These are but a few examples, but I encourage you to examine the stressful situations in your relationships and think about how changing yourself can benefit the union.

**This message was taken from my Relationship Rescue Series which is not just limited to romantic relationships; these are principles that can apply to any relationship whether it be family, friends, or co-workers. Relationships are what keep us alive so it is important to nurture them and put in the time and effort that it takes to make them work.

The Faith Based Plan

2010-03-10T08:11:00.000-08:00

Employee or Entrepreneur: Who Are You? Who Do You Want To Be?

I'll never forget the day when a friend of mine learned that I did not have a "real" job. He jokingly said, "What are you on, the faith based plan?" He was laughing, but the more that I thought about it, the more that it made sense. I am on a Faith Based Plan because I don't have to know where my next check is coming from to feel a peace beyond all understanding.

When I made the somewhat impromptu decision to leave my job, my employer at the time could not fathom how I could possibly survive. "What will you do for health insurance?" he asked. My response was, "I didn't even need health insurance before I started working here." That's what we often fail to realize, we jeopardize our mental and physical health more by being in environments that are not fulfilling because stress will make you sick, literally.

Now I don't encourage anyone to just up and quit without a plan. First and foremost you must have faith, but you must be creative in how you bring in income because whether you have a job or not, the bills still need to get paid. I have been without full time employment for over two years now and I have yet to be homeless or hungry. Sadly there is no longer any such thing as a safe or secure job. I feel that I am in a better position than most because my livelihood in not in the hands of another human being. If you are contemplating taking a leap of faith like I did, let me recommend a few basic principles that I practice.

Planning, Patience and Persistence

I am not the type to plan years in advance, but I try to plan at least a month in advance to make sure that I am able to cover my monthly living expenses like rent, car payment, and communication (home phone, cell phone and internet). I also make sure that a certain amount of money is set aside every month for self -care, Investing in my vision, and entertainment.

While living on the edge like this is fulfilling beyond measure, notice that I did not say it was easy. I saw financial expert, Catherine Eagan speak last year and she said something that really resonated with me... "Where you are right now is not necessarily representative of where you are going." You are going to be everything that you hoped and dreamed to be if you see it and you believe it, but it may not happen overnight so patience is an absolute must.

There will be times when you can't eat what you want, there will be times when your work is rejected or criticized, there will be many roadblocks along the way, but never ever stop. That is a mantra that I tell myself constantly. Never stop. No one who is anyone ever got anywhere without being persistent. Did you know that Walt Disney filed for bankruptcy? You may not have known that, but you do know that he never gave up because even in his absence his legacy lives on.

Believe In You

If you don't believe in yourself and what you do, no one else will. Why should they? You train people how to treat you so if you believe that your dream is the best thing since sliced bread then trust and believe that the world will too. Make yourself a HUGE DEAL. People often think that I spend thousands of dollars on marketing and promotions, or that I have some marketing or publicity guru behind me...the truth is that I just spend a whole lot of time believing in me. I constantly and consistently put it out into the world that I AM a HUGE DEAL, and wouldn't you know, other people started believing it too.

Get Your Legal Hustle On

When you don't know when or how you next check is coming, creativity is key. Tap into all of your talents and skills because there may be times when it feels like your true dream is not bringing in the cash that you desire. Let me give you a few examples. Over the years I have taught myself to do hair and nails. It's not something that I am head over heels in love with doing, but best believe it gave me tons of extra money during my college years. In addition to writing I also teach dance and kickboxing. I am still operating in my purpose of adding value to the lives of others while making some extra dollars. The possibilities are endless...dog walking, landscaping, selling your books or artwork, freelance writing, rent parties, selling plates of food...shall I go on, or do you get the picture? When you are creative, there are tons of things that you can do to supplement your income without engaging in any questionable or illegal activity. And in most cases you have a ton of fun while you are at it.

Invest in Personal Growth and Development

I have been able to operate so many legal hustles because I always invest in my own personal growth and development. While it may be challenging, it's never too late to invest in a new skill. Many classes and resources are free and readily available; we just don't take the time to do our research in order to realize that these opportunities exist.

Learning gives you the time and space to think and grow which in turn allows you to realize your true potential. So I encourage you to take the money that you spend on the club, or eating out, and enroll in a life coaching session or a class at a local college or university that will help you to hone your craft. I personally plan to set aside some money to take a creative writing course at UCLA this spring or summer.

Downsize to Maximize

Sometimes in order to get ahead, you have to leave some things behind. Do you really need four different gym memberships when you barely attend any of them? That was me. I had a membership at three different gyms until I decided to start teaching fitness classes which not only brought in extra money, but it also came with a free gym membership. As a result, I ended up saving at least $150 per month. Now that is an extra $150 that I can use to order my books to sell, or for that personal growth and development that I spoke of.

How can you downsize your life to maximize your dream? Can you move into a cheaper residence? Can you do your own hair and nails instead of going to the salon? Could you host a Girls Night In instead of going to a Girls Night Out? Think about it and adjust accordingly.

Sacrifice for Success

With success comes sacrifice. During your time of building, you may not be able to live the lifestyle that you are accustomed to. For instance, I have discovered several delicious options that I can prepare with a bag of potatoes.It goes back to being creative. You may not be able to eat how you like to eat, dress how you want to dress, or party like you want to right now, but the benefits in the not so far away future are well worth it.

Sacrifice doesn't always mean giving things up. It just means adjusting the way that you do things so that it helps you to build your vision. For instance, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to travel. So I have incorporated that into my business. When I want to visit a city, I set up some speaking engagements, consulting work, book signings and book club appearances so that I am still bringing in income and working toward my dream, while having fun at the same time. They say don't mix business with pleasure, but why not? I work hard, so I like to play hard and as long as business is getting handled, I don't see the harm in that.

In conclusion, I want you to ponder few pertinent questions. Are you en employee, or an entrepreneur? Are working to make someone else rich, while you make ends meet, or are you working to build your own empire? Where are you now? Where do you want to be?

Take it from me, living your dreams is possible. It just takes believing in you and what you do...faith and work. The Faith Based Plan is a package that has infinite perks and benefits. Let me know when you are ready to sign up.

The Coat

2010-03-01T18:19:00.000-08:00

Coats are designed with the purpose of protecting us from the elements of wind, rain and snow. They also serve the function of keeping us warm. Our coats may get wet, or even dirty, but those things that come against them never destroy them or cause them to disintegrate. Our coats brave each element and continue to serve their purpose.

While our coats serve a powerful purpose, we can't expect them to do all of the work. There are some things that we must add to supplement the work that they do. We must add gloves, hats, scarves, boots, and of course we most certainly should be wearing warm clothing underneath.

Think of your coat as your faith. The elements are the daily things that come against you. The rain is financial hardship, the whipping wind is stress, the falling snow is frustration, the debilitating cold is disappointment. Our coats or our faith will protect us from most of those things, most of the time, but if we do not add those supplements mentioned above, those elements will find their way in to affect us.

Those supplements represent the work that must go along with our faith. The gloves represent the helping hands that we must use to give to others. The hat represents the wisdom and knowledge we must seek and the research and study that we must do. The boots represent the foundation that our feet must be firmly planted in and the ground upon which we must stand tall and strong, not allowing any of the elements to knock us down. The scarf is a representation of protection and preservation of the voice which we must use to speak out against injustice, to inspire and encourage others and to share our testimonies and the good news. Our clothing gives us the opportunity to add a touch of style to all that we do because we must live and lead by example, modeling that true faith, supported by work is real and when coupled together, they produce amazing results.

So put on your clothes, hat, boots, gloves, scarf and coat and go out to take on the world knowing that no matter what you come up against, or what comes at you, your faith and works will protect you.

Why Must We Go Away to Find Ourselves?

2010-02-15T09:29:00.000-08:00

"It seems when we get to a place where no one knows us, we become most ourselves. We try new things, make new friends..."

The phrase quoted above is the beginning of a commercial about Michigan tourism that captures my attention every time I see it. Why is it that it takes for us to go somewhere that no one knows us, for us to truly become ourselves? Think about it. When we go out of town we let our hair down and do things that we would never dare to try at home. Sometimes we do things that we may regret, but for the most part we engage in enriching experiences that we would never afford ourselves at home.

If we practiced such behavior in our everyday lives, or on a more regular basis, imagine how much more exciting and fulfilling life could be. As I look back over my life, I realize that most of the times that I took risks and tried new things that I've always wanted to do, I was somewhere other than here. I was in Toronto when I got my first tattoo. I was in St. Maarten when I tried snorkeling for the first time. It took me traveling all the way to Belize to wear my hair naturally all of the time without worrying about what people thought. I ventured to Japan without knowing the language. I've tried escargot in France. I've climbed the Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes near Traverse City, Michigan. While in Mexico, I walked to my desired destinations instead of driving or catching a cab. I dug for diamonds at the Crater of Diamonds State Park in Murfreesboro, Arkansas.

So then why is it that when I am at home, I live so safely, and comfortably in my own little bubble when in all actuality, this city has so much to offer?

So what is the answer? Do we get away more, or do we make the most of life right where we are?

I saw the movie, "Yes Man" with Jim Carrey while on a flight, and while I went in only expecting to be amused, to my surprise I ended up quite inspired. The character that he played lived life in such a closed off way. When he finally began to say yes to some of the simple things in life, it opened up a whole new world for him. He not only began to try new and exciting things, but he also met new and interesting people, including the love of his life.

It reminds me of a quote that I heard in college that I will never forget...

"Life without risk is risky."

When was the last time you tried something new?

When was the last time you made a friend outside of Facebook or some other online social networking avenue?

Why does it take a completely new environment for us to unleash that which is within us?

As winter slowly folds into spring I challenge you to make the best of what you have and where you are right now. Go for a walk around your neighborhood. Visit a historical landmark in your city. I've lived in Detroit for most of my life and I've never been to Hitsville USA (The Motown Historical Museum) so that is where my journey will begin. I will no longer wait until my next trip to explore me. I'll start right here at home because home is a huge part of who we are, so I can't think of any better place to begin.

The Overflow

2010-02-15T09:24:00.000-08:00

This past weekend I went to Chicago for a Girl's Weekend Getaway with some dear friends that I've been close with since high school. It was one of those rare occasions where I traveled for pleasure and not business (even though you KNOW I was getting my network on and selling books.). I'm proud to say that even though it was a pleasure trip...I still got up early on Sunday morning and made my way to church. I'm glad that I did, because something that the Pastor said inspired this morning's message. He said,

"Everything in the cup, filled to the brim, belongs to me. I can only give you the overflow."

Let me elaborate....

Are you one of those people that just HAS to have their morning coffee? Do you know someone who is like that? If so, you know that religious coffee drinkers simply must have their coffee before they are able to function, be productive, and in many cases even speak.

McDonald's has a commercial out where a man crosses the paths of several people who try to greet him, but he cuts them all off by saying, "I haven't had my morning coffee."

So I want you to imagine a cup filled to the brim. The liquid represents everything that belongs to you...everything you need. So, if you need every drop that's in that cup to thrive and survive...you can only give the overflow.

If you gave all of your co-workers and friends a sip, and then all of your friends and family members a gulp...you'd have little or nothing left for yourself.

With just a few meager drops, or an empty cup, you won't be able to thoroughly handle your business spiritually, mentally, emotionally, financially or otherwise. So fill your cup first in order to be most effective and efficient and only give others the overflow.

Get Up!

2010-01-26T09:58:00.000-08:00

Imagine a child playing outside on a playground. They take risks, try new things, laugh and shout. In the midst of it all, sometimes they fall. Do they just lie down, cry and complain...or do they get back up again. It reminds me of a line from one of my favorite songs.

We fall down, but we get up....because a saint is just a sinner who fell down...then got up.

Think of some of the most successful people that you know. Most, if not all of them has experienced a major setback in their life or career at one point or another. Imagine how the world would be different if they had not gotten back up again. Let's look at some examples...

Oprah Winfrey was knocked down by the pain of child molestation and incest.

Early in his career Sean Combs coordinated an event where people died.

Jennifer Hudson lost her Mother, brother and nephew to senseless violence.

Barack Obama's father was not present when he was growing up.

Jesus was crucified.

I'm not trying to depress you, and I'm sure that you can think of countless other examples, but my point is that if some of these influential people had chosen to stay down when they got knocked down, how different would the world be?

When we give in to pain, disappointment, financial hardship, abuse and the like...we are lying down. These things are all painful, but they have not killed us. So use them as a form of exercise. They exercise our heart, our minds and our will and only make us stronger.

So just like Oprah and Obama, get on up and turn your blunders into blessings. Use what you've come through as your testimony to help others who are going through the same thing.

If those prominent people don't do it for you, look to a child. They fall, and they may cry, but they get up, brush off the dirt and get right back up again to enjoy life to the fullest.

What has knocked you down? Don't just lay there...get up!

Are You Open AND READY to Receive?

2010-01-20T13:29:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite affirmations that I write and repeat frequently is, "I am now open to receive." Recently I had to ask myself, "You may be open, but are you really ready?" I say this because we constantly hope and wish and dream and pray and want for things like a good mate, more money, a new home or car...but when we actually get those things will we be truly ready? Will we know what to do with those things? The reality is that we are so focused on what we have presently, or what we don't have, that when we get what we claimed that we truly wanted we often lose, abuse or reject it.

I was listening to an airing of the Oprah Show on Oprah Radio recently where they highlighted a very interesting social experiment. A homeless man was given a large lump sum of money, as well as opportunities for education, employment and mental health treatment. To make a long story short, he did not take the offers that would help him sustain and maintain his well being, but he did take the money. In no time he blew all of the money and was homeless again.

As we get on our knees and pray, or day dream, or create vision boards for what it is that we truly believe that we want or need, we must also prepare to receive it. If it is money that we desire, we must increase our financial literacy so that we will know how to manage it when we get it. If it is love that we want we must change our existing framework and learn what real and healthy love looks like.

Last week I talked about visualizing our dreams in order for them to be realized. A part of the vision must also be the wisdom, discipline, training and commitment that comes along with the things that we long for.

So this week, I encourage you to journal about, talk about, pray about, or meditate about all of the necessary steps, supplements, and mindsets that go along with what you are asking for. Be prepared because if you ask and believe, you will most certainly receive...so GET READY!

Visualize to Realize

2010-01-10T18:03:00.000-08:00

I was on my way to a training a few weeks ago, on a dark morning when the weather was terrible and I knew it would only get worse the closer I got to my destination, which was three hours away. My anxiety began the night before and each moment that I drove it increased. I could not see myself arriving to my destination safely. Since I could not visualize myself in the place that I was on my way to, fear and anxiety took over to the point where it began to affect me physically. I pulled off of the freeway twice before I finally just decided to turn around and go home.

This is directly related to the goals and resolutions that you have set for the New Year. If you cannot see yourself starting and running that business, or as a more slim and healthy person, you will not get there. This is the reason that people create vision boards. Visual images feed the mind and make things real. You have to be able to mentally or even physically see where you want to be. So take some time each day to just day dream. See yourself in that new house or car. Envision yourself on that beach in that tropical place that you've always wanted to visit.

If mental pictures aren't enough to motivate you, create a physical picture with cut outs from a magazine on a poster board.

In order for your dreams to be realized, they must first be visualized. See where you want to be and you'll arrive at your destination eventually.

Is Your Bucket Full?

2009-12-01T10:34:00.000-08:00

Some of the most profound advice and wisdom that I have ever received on life and living has come from children.

The other day my five old nephew and his grandmother (my Mom) got into a heated debate. He wanted to watch what he wanted to watch on the nice new TV that my brother and I got her for her birthday while jumping on her bed. She's usually quite patient with his antics because he's just so darn cute, but this time she just couldn't take it anymore. Needless to say, the disagreement ended with him in tears when he caught her off guard by saying,

"Grandma, you tipped my bucket."

"What?" my mother said, not familiar with the term that he had used.

"I said you tipped my bucket." He repeated.

"Well, what does that mean?" She asked.

"When you make someone angry or upset, you tip their bucket, so you say you're sorry to fill their bucket back up."

Needless to say, she was sold on the idea, so they hugged and made up after which he said,

"Thank you Grandma, now my bucket is full."

Wow! If only adults could make it that simple. We argue, hold grudges, talk behind each others backs and do everything else short of addressing the issues at hand directly. In his own simple way my nephew introduced my mother to a method to use to reframe conflict. They discussed how each of their behaviors affected the other person, they acknowledged one another's feelings, and they came up with a plan together for moving forward.

When I called for an interview he had no comment, so I asked him to call me back the next day and with reluctance and a little coercion from my mother he did just that. The few words that he did have for me left a major impact...

"Aunt Munka (His pronunciation of my name), We want to be bucket fillers."

Enough said.

Turbulence

2009-11-30T13:15:00.000-08:00

When I am flying on a plane, as I often do for my training and consulting work, I rarely have a flight that doesn't experience some type of turbulence. According to the Microsoft Word dictionary, turbulence is defined as, unrest or a state of confusion characterized by unpredictability and uncontrolled change. How often have you found yourself in a situation that sounds like this?

Having flown so much, I've begun to realize a pattern. I've noticed that turbulence, or a shaking and unsteadiness of the plane, most commonly occurs when we are traveling through a cloud.

So, you start at one point (the ground) and your destination is your goal, but you rarely get to that goal without passing through some clouds.
While in the cloud, the plane shakes, sometimes mildly, other times violently and drops and dips may be felt. I've heard gasps and even screams from other passengers. Ultimately we don't have many choices other than to trust that the pilot will get us to our destination safely because even if by some slim chance we do have the skill or the knowhow, we don't have the power or the authority to take over and fly the plane.

This whole predicament is very much like life. A new beginning or a change in your life is very similar to the plane being on the ground before it takes off. The actual flight is your journey. Along your journey, you will face obstacles, or dark clouds...the turbulence.

Your first thought in flight is, "Is this plane going to crash?"

In life, your first thoughts include, "Why me?", " Are you punishing me God?" Or, "My life is over!"

We are so quick to anticipate the absolute worst.

Because I fly so frequently I've come to know that turbulence is par for the course. It is a natural part of the journey...so I sit back, say a prayer, and trust that the pilot will do all that is in his or her power to get us to our destination safely.

Again, the same is true in life. Just as I am a frequent flyer, I am also a frequent faither. As much as I want to, I do not lean on my own understanding, but I I trust that God will take it from here. There will be clouds of pain, hardship and despair. There may be trouble at home or on the job. It may seem that financial hardship is trying to take you under. There will be times of turbulence. A bad break up, or a seemingly irresolvable situation might be chipping away at your spirit. Through it all it is important to acknowledge that these circumstances are not the end of the world, but a natural part of life.

During a radio interview recently, I was asked if I would change anything in my past. My answer was "No" because everything that I have endured, no matter how painful or crazy has shaped who I am today by making me wiser, stronger and a living testimony that with faith, all things are possible. We cannot control it, so we must trust that our pilot will take care of us.

God is our pilot on the journey that is our life. Trust that he will get us to our destinations safely.

Relationship Rescue Series: Installment #3 - Questions

2009-11-29T06:50:00.000-08:00

Important Questions for Self Reflection

When we are considering taking the next major step in a relationship, namely marriage, we are often advised to ask our potential partner some very important questions. I’d like to amend that wise council by adding a mandatory pre-requisite. There are some very important questions that we need to ask of ourselves.

What are your standards or boundaries?

If you don’t set clear standards and boundaries for yourself other people will determine them for you. The result is that you will find yourself unhappy and ultimately resentful toward the person that imposed these lowered standards upon you. The worst part of it all is that since you were the one that did not stand up for you in the first place; you will begin to resent yourself. Knowing what you will and will not accept and knowing when you are willing to compromise is key.

Would you marry that person as they are today if they never changed?

There is a common misconception that once a couple is married, their problems will decrease or disappear all together. Somehow we have been falsely led to believe that marriage will make things better. This might be true if you put in the deliberate effort as a team to make the relationship work, but the truth is that if issues and problems are not addressed, marriage may only make matters worse.

The reality is that we cannot change people, and people only change if and when they are good and ready. With all of that said, could you marry the person that you are with today, as they are? Could you stay with that person, with all of their shortcomings for the rest of your life? If the answer is no, then you may want to re-evaluate some things.

Would you marry you?

We spend a lot of time trying to pick apart our mate in order to decide whether or not we can spend the rest of our lives with them, but when was the last time you took a look at yourself? If you were someone from the outside looking in, would you marry yourself? If you have a hard time controlling your emotions and communicating effectively, the answer might just be no. So do some self inventory to see if you would chose yourself if you were someone else.

Getting to know yourself is the most effective way to learn to love and be loved. Show your intended how to love you based on how you love yourself. Self reflection and insight are the best ways to become a strong partner in any relationship.

Relationship Rescue Series** Installment 2- Be The Change You Want to See

2009-11-27T10:17:00.000-08:00

I’m not sure where I heard that quote, but it has always stuck with me. In relationships we have a tendency to try to change people into what or who we think they should be or what we want them to be. I’m sure that we’ve all learned by now that we cannot change people. What we do have the power to do is change ourselves.
Think about how you feel when someone tells you what you need to or should be doing. Even when they say it nicely, my first reaction is often to rebel and do the exact opposite of what they are telling me to do. Constructive feedback is one thing, but lecturing someone on how they need to change is totally differently and rarely well received.

As a result I’ve found that the best way to see change is to be the change that you want to see.

What can you do differently to reduce or eliminate the undesirable behavior that your love one exhibits without being manipulative?

Here are a few practical examples…

Let’s say that your loved one has a smoking habit that you do not care for. Physically removing yourself when they smoke will let them know how you feel about it without you telling them that they need to quit. Telling them that they should stop does not encourage them to do so, but perhaps the absence of your presence may help them to give the idea some thought.

I’ve noticed that people only do what you allow them to. The cigarette smokers in my life know that I do not like smoke, but since I don’t set any clear boundaries, I am still subject to this undesired behavior. But I’ve noticed that there are certain people that they do not smoke around. This means that the people that they do not smoke around have set some clear boundaries. Know what you want and be firm in that.

Perhaps your issue is that you and your loved one argue all of the time. You can be the change that you want to see by making an effort to be more positive. If you find yourself being negative or reacting to their negativity, take a step back. Either counter your negativity with positivity, or simply do not respond to their negativity.

I watched the film “Fireproof” the other day and in the movie, the husband was reading the book, “The Love Dare.” The love dare is a forty day process based on biblical principles where individuals are given a different challenge each day. One day the husband was given the challenge of not being negative. Even if his wife was negative he had to be silent and not reciprocate her actions. Give that a try. A person can only fuss, rant and rave all by themselves for so long before they begin to feel foolish.

These are but a few examples, but I encourage you to examine the stressful situations in your relationships and think about how changing yourself can benefit the union.

**This Relationship Rescue Series is not just limited to romantic relationships; these are principles that can apply to any relationship whether it be family, friends, or co-workers. Relationships are what keep us alive so it is important to nurture them and put in the time and effort that it takes to make them work.

Master of Manipulation

2009-11-25T11:54:00.001-08:00

It’s a natural tendency to want to manipulate situations in our favor. We don’t trust in God’s plan for our lives so we try to control what will happen on our own. What we don’t realize is that what he has or had in store for us far exceeds what we can do for ourselves. So when we try to control circumstances, actions and outcomes to work in our favor, we may think that we’ve succeeded but we are really missing out on so much more by settling upon what’s within our own power and understanding.

Relationship Rescue Series: Installment #1 - Date Your Mate

2009-11-24T13:00:00.000-08:00

When we get into a relationship or a marriage we often fall into a comfort zone. We merely exist within the relationship. As a result we either end up taking our mate for granted, or they take us for granted because we figure, “They’ll be there.”
In this case it is important to make a conscious effort to date one another in order to avoid complacency, lack of growth or having either or both parties stray away from the relationship.

I often hear stories from our elders about how they used to “court” back in their day.

Courting was a practice that happened when men would date a woman who he was interested in being in a relationship with. These days we skip that crucial step of getting to know and trying to pursue one another for a greater purpose. We go straight to being physical, living with, and even having children with one another. Marriage and relationships are often secondary to those things or an afterthought.
Then we wonder why, years down the road, we find ourselves at a dead end. We look up and we are with someone that we’ve grown to love, but fail to like. Or, we find ourselves with someone that we call our boyfriend or girlfriend, but that’s more so just a title because the truth is that neither of us are boys or girls and we are not friends at all.

So, what are we to do to reverse or better yet, avoid these circumstances?
Here is what I recommend…

• Be Planful* and Intentional about scheduling creative and engaging dates with your mate. Even President Obama and First Lady Michelle have a designated date night with a back up night in case something comes up.

• Set a Date and Keep It just as if it is any other important appointment in your planner. Make the commitment.

• Be Present when you are on the date. This means limiting or eliminating all distractions such as talking on the phone, texting, watching television, or reading a book or magazine. Use this uninterrupted time as an opportunity to engage in meaningful conversation. It will promote bonding and you may learn new things about your mate.

Dating your mate may not be as easy as it sounds, especially if you have fallen into years of the same old pattern. This is why I have only listed three steps to take toward rejuvenating your relationship. Take it one day at a time, one step at a time, and once you have mastered these three steps we can move on to more complex challenges. In the meantime take time to reevaluate where you are in your relationship and DATE YOUR MATE!

*Planful is not actually a word, but I use it all of the time and I love it. So just consider it a part of the MMJ Vocabulary. Perhaps I’ll create my own dictionary. 

Personal Development Has a High ROI

2009-11-21T17:24:00.000-08:00

As we get ready to embark upon a new season, it makes me think about how seasons are so much more than just times of the year. As a result I’ve decided to personalize this coming season. We don’t have to wait for a new year to set goals and make positive changes. A new month, a birthday, an anniversary, a new week, a new day and a new hour are all perfect opportunities for new beginnings.

I love to use new seasons as my markers for new beginnings because everything and everyone that comes into your life is for a season. Some seasons are longer than others but most leave you with a lesson that allows you to come out better than you were before.

This might be your season of health and wellness, your season of financial literacy, or your season of focus on family. This is my season of personal development. Weather we realize it or not, we invest so much in making other people’s dreams come true, that very little is left over for our own self improvement. Think about it,

How much do you really invest in personal development? Now when I say personal development, I don’t mean getting your hair and nails done. Don’t get me wrong, that is very important too. But that goes under self-care which is another subject and another blog. When I say investing in personal development I mean investing time and money into books, classes, workshops, mentors, conferences and networking opportunities that move you forward in the mission and vision that you have for your life.

We tend to invest in high risk things where we may get little or no return, but self investment is a win- win situation. When you invest in yourself, the return is always high. In the financial world the acronym, ROI stands for Return On Investment. This speaks to the amount that you get back when you invest in something. When you invest in yourself, the return is priceless.

Put It In your Workout

2009-11-21T17:22:00.000-08:00

When I was in high school I had an amazing acting teacher that would always say, “Put it in your work!” What she meant was that we needed to take the energy that we spent being angry, upset, sad, or emotional and put it into our work on the stage. I have since moved from the stage to the page as far as my artistic career goes, but that saying has always stuck with me.

I definitely “Put it in my work” when it comes to writing, but lately I’ve decided to do the same thing when it comes to exercise.

I was watching Creflo Dollar one day and he said, “We can’t stop birds from flying around our head, but we can stop them from building a nest in our hair.” He used this saying to illustrate how we don’t have to entertain all of the thoughts that cross our mind. He then went on to tell a story about how he had the strangest thought. He said he was in a store one day standing behind an old lady when he thought, “What if I just pushed her?” I laughed so hard when I heard him say that, but the truth is that in addition to all of the other emotions that we have daily, no matter how nice we are, we often just want to punch or slap someone.

So where can we place these thoughts and feelings in order to avoid carrying them out?

“Put it in your work OUT!”

That is one of the main reasons that I took up kickboxing. It is the best stress reliever. When I am in front of a 100 pound punching bag with my gloves on I picture all of the people and things that frustrate me and I take it out on that bag. It’s a much safer and healthier alternative to putting the smack down on someone. The same is the case with any type of exercise. Take all of that built up resentment, worry, frustration and irritation and “Put it in your work out!”
The benefits are endless. You will lose weight, feel great….and avoid catching a case. So the next time someone or something gets under your skin... “Put it in your work out!”